When it comes to couples’ finances, most people will tend to separate love from money. Nowadays, most couples have separate accounts and have an agreement to split bills. Sometimes it’s 50/50, sometimes it’s relative to each partner’s salary.
Well, despite what advisors might say, I believe that love has got everything to do with it! Say what? Let me explain.
Common Projects or Goals
While I encourage each individual to be financially independent, I believe it is crucial for a couple to share financial projects or goals. Owning a house, saving for travel, planning couple’s retirement are only examples. To me, it is hard to find a cohesion between two persons if they don’t have common goals. Yes, it will require some compromises, but it will also make your relationship stronger. When the time comes for two people to decide to have more commitment towards each other, they should, to me, also be committed financially, partially or totally, depending on circumstances.
What’s Circumstances Got to Do With It?
Actually, I mostly talk about one type of circumstance: family. When a couple decides to turn into a family, things are much different. Personal finances can’t only be personal anymore.
For example, before we had the kids, Mr. My Husband and I both had decent paying jobs. He was earning more, but I was still financially independent. When we moved in together, we decided to split some expenses, but still kept our accounts separate. Later, our first child arrived. And it turned into a total loss! I didn’t know where his money went, he didn’t know what I was doing with mine, but still we had lots of expenses to share. I was on maternity leave, so I didn’t always have the money necessary to pay for the baby’s expenses, yet I was a little uncomfortable with the fact I needed to “ask” Mr. My Husband for some.
That is truly when we almost totally committed to our couple finances. We kept our separate accounts and we both still use them, but we also opened a shared account that we both use for “family” expenses.
Together, we also made a huge decision. We decided I would be working less to spend more time with our present and future kids. To make this possible, I had to accept that I wouldn’t be financially independent with my husband anymore. On his side, he had to accept to financially contribute more into the family expenses. We agreed on this compromise for our family’s benefits.
Therefore, we stopped seeing things as shared or split. We started seeing things as a whole, as a team.
A baseball player can’t win the game alone. But, many players, as a team, can make the finals and maybe even win them. Mr. My Husband and I chose to truly become a team because we loved each other and we loved our family. Yes, we still do! 😉 To us, it was the best decision for our own benefit. This is why I say love has got everything to do with it!
Being Retrograde?
I know my thoughts can seem outdated. I’m not saying each mom should work less to be with her kids more. This is a very personal decision. I admire women who continue to work full-time and still find the energy to be the best mom! Maybe you’re one of these moms who work hard for her money and want to be financially independent from your spouse. That is great! I surely don’t blame you!
On the other hand, I think moms who decide to work less or stop working are as strong as the others. Just in different ways. I also admire your courage to make such compromises because you think it’s the best for your kids. I don’t blame you either!
However, no matter your decision, you should be aware of what is going on in your couple finances. Make sure your couple finances also reflect your personal ones. You may also question yourself:
Would I be in a better financial state if we unite? Would it make us stronger? Would we achieve our goals faster?
In my case, we sure are both in a better financial state together. Financially speaking, we are heading towards the same direction. Honestly, it took years for us to achieve that, but we did. We also have individual dreams, passions or goals that we are both willing to work on together.
When I look at our home, there is me, there is him, and there is us. I’ve decided to focus on us.
