I’d rather have nothing from my parents

…than to have parents who were unfair to their kids in terms of doling out cash.

I keep coming back to this subject because it really seems to affect a lot of my other friends around me.

I hear stories on a regular basis (once every couple of months) of someone sadly saying to me:

“But my parents gave my SISTER $5000 for going on her trip to Europe. When I went, I got nothing. All I got was $200 for some spending money.”

At first, I always thought:

Gee at least you got SOMETHING from your parents, even if it wasn’t as much as your sister.. *insert tinge of jealousy*.

But I then realized that I preferred having my parents’ attitudes towards money.

They gave us nothing at all for tuition or starting out in life.

But at least they were fair about it.

I’d rather have parents who are consistent and fair across the board, than those who give based on arbitrary feelings or reasons.

I know parents feel that some of their kids deserve more than their other kids, and in some cases.. yeah I’d buy that.

If your one kid is handicapped, disabled in some way, or whatever those exceptions may be.. then for SURE you should take that into consideration.

But if it’s because:

You feel as though your girls are not going to make it without your help, but your boys are men who are going to be fine — it isn’t fair.

You feel like you didn’t give enough attention to your one kid who seemed to turn out less successful than his siblings, and you are trying to make up for past guilt by subsidizing his lifestyle — it isn’t fair.

You feel as though your daughter will be more successful as a doctor than your son who is an anthropologist, so you end up buying her and her husband new cars and paying for their kids’ tuition — it isn’t fair.

And these are all real cases from my friends, I am sure there are more out there.

It’s a good thing for me to really reinforce in my mind, the way that I’ve grown up.

A lot of commenters in the past have been horrified by what my parents did (and still do) in terms of charging me rent, and so on… but they’re my parents.

You can choose your friends, your job, your lover, your career and what you want to do in your life.

But while I didn’t choose my family, they’re here to stay and I should just make the best of it.

They aren’t perfect by any means, but neither am I.

And their attitudes and behaviours haven’t hurt me in any way – in fact, they’ve made me a stronger person.

I am starting to see all of the good in them, and letting go of any old hurt or bad feelings I have harboured against them from my past.

My family members are great people who frequently get on my nerves or are insensitive .. but they’re good people who just have a different perspective on what is important in life and what isn’t.