Last week, I wrote about What Would I Say to My 18 Self. This week’s post could be seen as a follow-up. While writing the above piece, I also realised some of my daily reactions or impressions are influenced by fears I have. I could probably dig in and find derivative fears from them, but I truly think they come from three main ones.
No worries! I won’t psychoanalyze myself here! 😉 I do want to get rid of these fears that affect me very often.
1. Lacking Money
It might be because it happened before, or because my parents were not of fortunate means, but this is a recurring fear.
My husband works in the construction field. Late years have been good here, but it will always remain an uncertain field. What about me? Working online as you probably noticed! 😉 Part-time, too. It was a choice we made in order to spend as much time as possible with our kids. My income is by far the lowest one. I’ll also be on maternity leave soon. Which means around a 50% drop for me. All of this brings insecurity.
What to do?
So what are the solutions? If I want to get rid of this fear, I definitely need to find some! 😉
Raising Income or Lowering Expenses
My husband already works between 40-60 hours a week. Can’t ask him more unless we didn’t have enough to feed our kids, which is really not the case! Keeping myself on a part-time working schedule truly is a goal for us. So raising on my side would be very difficult too…
On the other hand, lowering expenses wouldn’t be impossible, but I sincerely don’t think we could lower them that much. Still, here are some cuts we plan on doing:
- We do spend more than we probably should on restaurants. We want to drop this expense in the coming year.
- I surely want to review my life insurance rates soon, because I truly think we could save a little on these. We booked our life insurance with a family member… but don’t do like me and always compare life insurance quotes.
- We bought a second family car about a year ago. Although we like it a lot, it costs an arm and a leg in gas. We’re looking to sell it and buy a smaller one in the next months.
- I do spend too much for kids’ gifts. Actually, I spend more for others’ kids than my own! I’m having a hard time cutting on that. I have to face the truth: I won’t be able to keep that pace for years!
Organization: The Key!
I think the true key for me lies in getting our finances more organized and sticking to the plan! I’m not really aware of what goes in and out of our accounts (except my personal one). I believe it contributes to creating insecurity in me.
Every time we’ve tried to make a budget together, it didn’t work out. Basically, we don’t see financial priorities the same way. That’s why every time we did, it fell apart a couple of months later.
Don’t tell my husband yet, but I’m planning on taking control over our finances!! 😉 Not that he’s bad at it. But I do think I’m more organized and that we would both benefit from it. Long debate to come! 😉
2. Not Being a Good Mom/Wife
I’m not always patient. I’m impulsive. I’m a proud person. I’m self-demanding and I tend to demand a lot to others as well.
However, I have the greatest son and husband. Whenever these negative sides of me come forth, I feel ashamed. I feel both my son and husband deserve my patience and my comprehension. They deserve to be given a chance whenever their expectations are not the same as mine.
What to do?
It’s not only about softening up these unpleasant characteristics. My husband keeps on repeating that I ask too much of myself and that I’m the best mother and wife he knows. Maybe I should trust him more! 😉 That’s why I think the key relies on focussing on what I’m good at.
I’m caring and highly sensitive, I’m cheerful, I’m generous, I’m intelligent… and maybe more! But that’s not important. What’s important is that I’m not perfect… which doesn’t mean I’m not good. As long as the positive sides of me leave more prints than the negative ones, I think I can contribute to my son and husband’s happiness.
3. What Others Think Of Me
I often let others judgement affect me. I believe that any human can constantly evolve and turn into a better person. Maybe that’s why I put importance to what others in general think of me. However, it hasn’t brought any good so far…
I fear what others will think if they come to my “uncleaned” house. I fear what they’ll think of me if I admit my son truly gets on my nerves sometimes. I fear how bad I’ll look if I say no to this or that… Really, how does it help me turn into a better person? It only contributes to raising my level of stress!
What to do?
Learning to let go. Easy said, hardly done. No real secret, but I must get there. If I truly believe I’m doing my best, I shouldn’t care about what others think. If my decisions are the ones I thought the best, I shouldn’t regret. I’m mature enough to learn from my mistakes, anyway.
I’ll also take example from my husband. He really doesn’t care about what others will think. Which doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about others. He simply does what he thinks is best. He often says: “I can’t control what others say or do, so there’s no point worrying about it.” Aaah, there it is! All is said now!
What about you? Any fear you’d like to get rid of?
Image credit: Fear Quote, Perfect Mom Quote
