The “Money Gap” refers to the gap between the earning income between two partners.
Generally (stereotypical but true), it is the man that earns more than the woman, sometimes it’s just a little bit more (no more than $5000 – $10,000) but other times it can be triple the income.
In less common cases, the woman earns more than the man, but that raises a whole other level of problems and emotions, as we live in a society that seems to accept that men should always earn more and pay for everything (which is not something I believe in, by the way).
The problems that could ensue from one partner earning more than another, is the feeling of resentment on both sides:
Why is he earning more than me and making me pay 50%? It’s not fair if he earns triple my salary!
I wish she earned more money so we could go out and do things, and I wouldn’t have to pay for her so often or forgo activities I’d like to do, but that cost money.
I have been on both sides: the one earning less and the one earning more (or anything at all).
Neither one is fun, but I’d prefer being the one earning less than the one earning more.
As a woman is more difficult to earn more than your partner. I felt very much like a mother or a parent, not a partner. I also felt VERY resentful, moreso than if I were a man earning more money.
I don’t (and didn’t) expect anyone to pay my way, but I also didn’t expect to be the one footing so many bills. It became a strain on our relationship.
I guess it’s why I’m so adamant on 50/50.
I’ve also been in relationships where I’ve earned less than my partner, but I never felt like I was holding back anything because his expenses were the same as mine, as if we were on the same income level.
This made me wonder if it’s less a problem of income being a gapa, and more of a spending and expenses issue. It sounds like it’s the same thing, but it really isn’t.
Someone could earn a million dollars, and the other at $30,000 but if they both spend as if they only earn $30,000 there might not be any resentment or feelings of inadequacy.
Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver.
I cleared $60,000 in 18 months earning $65,000 gross/year.
Now I am self-employed, and you can read more about 
Hasn’t anyone here ever seen Susie Orman? If you live with someone you should each be paying the appropriate PERCENTAGE of your income towards rent. For example, if one of you makes 5K a month and the other 8K a month and your rent is $1500 a month, the 5K person should be paying 5000 / 13000 or 38 percent of the bill while the 8K person pays the remaining 62 percent of the rent. This way, everyone pays a fair percentage of their income.
My husband used to provide for me while I was finishing graduate school. Now that I am working full time, I essentially earn the same amount as he does. This bothers him. He’s always throwing in my face the fact that he provided for me while I was in school, he tells everyone that he still pays for everything (house payment, bills, etc.), and he always complains that I should have gone in to a field that pays more–even though I’m earning the same as him!!! I’m seriously thinking of closing our joint account and just paying the bills on my own. I’m getting tired of him constantly demoralizing me.
Here’s my scenario. I’m making between $40 and $50K (including child support) and have about $20K in debt from divorce, etc. and the other is making $140K and soon to be out of debt within the next three months or so.
3 years ago, partner moved in and paid 1/3 rent as a renter of a room and then two years ago, signed on to a lease with me for a house with the rent at $2,025 and still only pays 1/3 rent and half utilities. In trying to negotiate in getting a better home in a nicer neighborhood, the higher earner expects the child support to entirely count toward rent still. Thus, rent is equal to the amount minus the $600 in child support per month and the two partners pay the remainder at 50/50.
In my eyes (the lower earner), expecting 50/50 pay outside of taking my child support away entirely toward rent is putting more financial burden on me and is not fair. To me, it would be better to rate the percentages of who pays what based on our net incomes, period. That would be the TRUE 50/50.
The way I see it, paying half without considering our net incomes would end up taking a far higher percentage of my net income and a far smaller percentage of their net income as I am expected to pay the same even though the partner makes over twice the amount I do. Incidentally, the higher earning partner was able to accelerate getting out of debt with the rent being what it is with this arrangement, but won’t offer to take up more rent when they are out of debt to help ease the financial burden on the lower earner.
The top earner feels to ask anything higher than 50/50 would be to take advantage of the top earner. Or to take the child support out of the equation forces top earner to have to pay for my children’s room which they should not be obligated to help with. In this circumstance, what would Truly be the most fair and equitable arrangement?
I have been both, the lower and higher earner, in the same relationship. My husband and I do percentage method whereby we work out the joint budget and contribute to the joint account that funds those expenses based on what percentage each income is of the joint total. This works well for us. I don’t mind paying more for things as we’re working toward the joint goals we established. However, he is more frugal than I am too, so it’s helpful for us to have the individual accounts so he doesn’t have angst when I buy jewelry or makeup or whatever that he considers “too much,” even if I can spend the money and still save 25% of my income. Now, if he couldn’t keep up with me intellectually, THEN there would be problems!
I think it doesn’t matter how much partners earn as long as they agree on what to spend on and are open about it. For example, when we got married, I had to relocate for my husband’s job, so I ended up jobless so he had to pay for everything, and that was OK. After a while I got bored and started waiting tables until I found something better. Then when opportunity knocked, we relocated for my career, and I was going to earn nearly double his salary. We moved overseas and as a consequence, he ended up jobless until he became a freelancer.
To this day I still pay for everything, but it’s OK because I know we moved for me.
He offered to pay for stuff a number of times, but I told him it was better if I paid since, if you get paid in dollars, you lose too much money taking it out of your account to pay the bill in euros.
Also, we agreed to save money aggressively for the next few months, so even though I earn a lot, we decided to live like we earned only a third of that. As a consequence I put money on my savings account first thing when I get paid and then we see what to spend of the money that remains.
Now I’m just confused by the other entry that a man has to pay for everything because women should be taken care of.
I agree that it’s uncomfortable if the gap is >$10,000. I think I would be jealous of a partner that outearned me significantly, and I’d be self-conscious of earning much more myself. I recently went on a few dates with a guy who was below my income by just over $20,000. It was weird. We started with similar student loan debt but I was killing mine so much faster, and where I was talking about buying a condo and a car next year he was nowhere near that point. I felt super guilty when he grabbed the bill for some drinks one night because I just felt he needed the money more than I do.
I currently earn a significant amount more than my husband and it really is an issue for us sometimes. We have his, hers, and ours accounts but sometimes it’s still hard to separate feelings and emotions around who is contributing what. Because I am the one “paying” for all of our home remodeling and most of the home expenses, I can sometimes get resentful and make snide comments, which doesn’t help either of us. To be honest, it’s a lot of pressure to be the breadwinner in the family and I sometimes wish that we would earn the same or even him earning more. This is not to say that his salary is low, but the field I’m in just pays more.
We split everything 50/50 now but for awhile he was paying for everything as I was unemployed. This created a lot of passive aggressive fights between us. We just had to keep communication open-but money really is a minefield-even if you think you’re a couple that’s going to be “above it all”
when my husband and i got married ten years ago, we opened a joint account. everything goes in there and there is no thought of “its his or its mine”. it’s just ours. there is no resentment or any weird feelings about who makes more or less, ever.
That’s what we dO. I made more while he was in grad school. He makes more now.
We do the same and never worry about it. We discuss future purchases that we would each like to make and try to be fair about it. Neither of us gets to buy everything we want whenever we want, but there is never fighting or resentment over money.
When we were dating we generally paid things 50/50, unless I knew he couldn’t afford it (since I had a bit more money) so then I sometimes paid more. Now that we are married, it doesn’t matter who makes what- what matters is the total. There is no thought at all of what is my money and what is his money. It doesn’t even come up. (For the two years of our marriage he made more, for the next 4 I made more, and from this year, probably forever, he does make more.) As long as we both put efforts into the household, everything is joint, and we’ve never bickered about it at all.
When we moved together, I was making 3 times my girlfriend’s income. We decided to put everything in a joint account and not bother about who makes more. It was our way to avoid any arguments around money!
My partner earns a LOT more than I do…so we work on percentages. We both put an equal percentage of our income into our mortgage/living costs/bills etc. That way we both feel that we are contributing equally even though he actually pays more. Works for us š
my partner is 54 and I am 44. He earns approximately $33,000 per month plus an annual bonus of approx $750K. I earn $3800 per month with no bonus albeit he pays out $12,000 per month to his ex wife and child and another $1500 per month to his first wife. We have been living together for 4 years but still makes me pay $600 month to him in cash and when we go out we split drinks 50/50. Why do I feel like a flat mate with benefits (for him) – no talk about buying a property together and yet he spoils his kids rotten and flys them all over the world business class but is a total Scrooge with me. Confused – any advice, am I wasting my time – I love him but feel like the cheaper option . It seems like he gets in his Porsche with his ex wife and her demands but lives like a pauper with me?
Attorney couple in the Bay Area? I hear you. Im a little over $40k/month, her just under $9k/month. I pay for everything minus groceries. I think you’ve chosen poorly.