Every year Salary.com releases a study detailing what a stay-at-home mom (SAHM) would earn if her duties were outsourced.
In 2011, a SAHM was worth about $115K a year.
To many a working woman, that figure is abso-fricking-lutely ridiculous.
Before I get into why a SAHM is paid exactly what she’s worth, allow me to say this: I love moms. My mom is a mom.
According to Salary.com, the top three job roles performed by a SAHM are housekeeper, cook and daycare center teacher.
So a large portion of a SAHM’s time is allocated to cleaning, cooking, and stopping her children from jabbing forks in electrical outlets.
If you were raised by a working mother, tell me, did she make sure your childhood home was inhospitable to vermin? Were you and your siblings properly educated and well fed?
Of course you were…I hope.
Working mothers are tasked with the same responsibilities as SAHMs.
My dad was old school. He never took me on a doctor’s appointment, and he slept soundly when I was sick. For seven years, I had piano lessons twice a week. My mom sat through every single one, and my dad sat through not a single one. He was a disaster in the kitchen and certainly couldn’t be bothered to plate his own food. *Sigh* He was awesome.
Not to pick on men, but dads, typically, aren’t anywhere near as involved in their children’s lives as moms.
And when it comes to taking care of most domestic chores, it’s the mother, working or not, who shoulders the burden.
In 2011, the median family income in the United States was about $50K a year.
It’s laughable to suggest that a SAHM should get paid over twice as much as half of American households.
The decision to exit the workforce and narrowly focus your energy on the full-time care of your husband and kids was made with the understanding you wouldn’t receive a paycheck for your services.
Actually, I think assigning a monetary value to the role of SAHM cheapens it.
Even animals take care of their offspring without expecting compensation.
Your reward is the satisfaction you receive from knowing your child is safe from the jaws of a ravenous predator.
Although the benefits of being a SAHM are widely viewed as intangible, the assertion they’re not paid for what they do is just false.
They are paid, and they’re paid with currency other than mud pies and finger paintings.
A SAHM’s value shouldn’t be based on salary estimates, because she’s not an employee. She’s a partner.
The money her husband or partner earns is used to cover food, housing, transportation, health care, clothing, makeup, entertainment and other items she might directly pay for if she worked a regular job.
With the exception of a few examples that are beyond the scope of this blog post, SAHMs should have full access to partnership profits.
So, if her partner brings in $30K a year, she gets a share of that. If he rakes in $750K a year, by all means, she should help yourself.
Her “pay” is, appropriately, dependent upon her partner’s ability to produce income.
I don’t want to sound like I’m attacking SAHMs.
Some of the more well known SAHMs make others in the profession look bad.
Real Housewives of Atlanta star, Kim Zolciak, immediately comes to mind. If you have a teenager, a tween, a baby, AND a personal assistant, you’re not gonna receive any awards for Stay-At-Home Mother of the Year when you whine about how badly you need a nanny.
Between wig changes and eating pizza, surely, Ms. Zolciak can squeeze in a few hours to care for her children. I mean, what else is she doing all day?
I hold women who’ve chosen a full-time career as a mother to the same standards as I would a marketing director or a software developer or a physical therapist. They should be great at what they do.
When hubby gets home, the house should be cleaned, dinner should be cooked, and (I hope I don’t get in trouble for saying this but) wifey should be hot. And I don’t mean sweaty.
I’d expect no less from a stay-at-home dad (SAHD). He doesn’t exist solely for his kids. What about his wife?
I wouldn’t wanna come home and have to ask why there’s mustard on the ceiling or why little Jimmy is running around the house with a bald Barbie’s head on a stick.
There are SAHMs who take their jobs very seriously. They’re excellent at what they do. And, honestly, I have a great deal of respect for them.
I just don’t think their job function warrants a salary of $115k a year.
What can I say? *shrugs*
What do you think?
If a stay-at-home mom was paid a fair salary, do you think it’d amount to $115K per year.
Shawanda Greene is a free thinking, frugal gal whose only vices are boxed wine, lip balm and money grubbing. You can find more of Shawanda's musings at 
I found a great company that focuses on living a natural and healthy lifestyle. While being able to earn an income staying home with your kids. Take a look at http://fb.momsprovide.com
Just end this Mommy War already. Articles like this just ensue an irrelevant pissing contest. Annoying. Being a mom, is being a mom. If you’re doing it right at times it will be hard, but still rewarding. Support each other instead of devaluing each other. There’s enough assholes out there doing that in articles just like this one. No need to do it to each other. Come on. Don’t act naive. You know the purpose of them doing that article was for entertainment and just to show worth of a mother’s work. Nobody is actually looking for a pay out. Your purpose of this article was to be a troll and bate a working mom vs. SAHM argument. Oh and a SAHM should be “hot”?!? Another trolling statement that lessens your argument. Again, I got nothing from your post
No I don’t think a SAHM salary is worth 115K. Sorry, but it’s called LIFE. I have to scrub toilets…and so do you. I have to plan meals for my family, and so do you. It’s called life and we all do it. Should I have demanded someone pay me to do bills, mow the lawn, check on my elderly neighbor, chop wood, cook, clean the kitchen floor, de clog bathroom drains, etc….as single person with no kids? Because I did all that before kids came along. Somehow it becomes this big sacred cow when moms do it. Look, I DO think raising your kids is important. But it’s not paid work. SOrry.
I just compared the two with the Salary.com calculator. The two salaries aren’t as far off as people make them out to be. Yes the end “check” is way different but for the SAHM that is the total salary for them, and the Working Mom that is the salary on top of what they are already bringing in. I don’t think they are trying to devalue anyone, or over value anyone. I think they thought it would be a fun thing to show people who are interested just how much moms should really be making over top of what they actually do. I personally don’t care what it says because I am a SAHM because my children need me to be and that is the bottom line. I understood going into it that I wasn’t going to be getting paid except for with hugs and kisses and I am perfectly fine with that. To all the Working Moms, you are freaking amazing!!! I tried going back to work part time, and I just couldn’t do it. I am one of those moms who were meant to be at home.
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I can say if I was paid $115k yr I wouldn’t ever complain… I am sure most of my frustration cones from a minimal military salary for a family of 5 and I can’t afford to buy craft items or do fun things like McDonald’s days or trips to the aquarium…
I agree that everyone misses the point – working moms do the same job as sahms PLUS work outside of the home. So why should a SAHM’s value be more than a working mom’s? It’s simply a logical argument. The price really is what the price of a substitute service – I pay for daycare to the tune of $1000/mo, so to me a sahm’s value is $12k/year.
I do everything else that a sahm does – run the entire damn household – cook, clean, launder, iron, shuttle to lessons & appointments, meet with teachers, teach to read, mediate, fix boo-boos, decorate the house, garden. Now is all of THAT undervalued? YES!!!!! But its value should not solely be applied to SAHMs, it should be applied to every Mom. And contributing father. Also, since 75% of mothers work outside of the home (and growing), I’m not sure why so many people get upset.
The more I think about it, the more I realize that valuing moms vs. working moms helps no one. It really just pits women against each other. The real argument is that MOTHERING is undervalued.
Well just throwing this out there, I have a different outlook on Stay at home moms then most of society, i am aware I am making a bit of a generalization but it seems to me that society sees the stay at home mom as being walked over by the husband and children, cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids, and to be more specific, making sure dinner is cooked when hubby gets home making sure the home is spotless all the time and solving every problem with the kids on her own and other things like that. then on top of that most of society thinks that after all that she’s really not doing much in the end and if she got a “real job” that would really be doing something which I think is a bunch of BS Here is my view on Stay at home mommies, which is what I will be when I have children. I believe that is what I am supposed to do, my hubby will be the provider for the family financially, he will be much more than just that to the family but he will be the provider, protector and many other things and as the mother I will need to be the nurturer of the family because as a woman I am that way by nature.of course he will be a huge part of our children’s lives but I will stay home with them, I dont want someone else raising my children for me, thats my job and what im meant to do and as for Cleaning? yes that will be me, my husband will never have to clean a toilet if I never have to rake leaves or mow a lawn (seems fair to me) and cooking? well I expect my hubby to help pitch in every once in awhile…but in all honesty I love cooking and I cant wait to cook for my family. Compensation for being a Stay-at-home-mommy!?!? HECK NO! if by some crazy turn of events i need to go out and be the provider for my family by golly I’ll do it! but if there is no need for me to go and work outside of the home I’ll be at home doing what I believe I and all women were meant to do and thats be a Stay-at-home-mom. and I also agree with the statement about attaching monetary value to the role is cheapening it which is wrong its worth more than just a job in my opinion.
Really, what “all women were meant to do”? Speak for yourself, lady. I would rather slowly amputate arm off with a rusty hacksaw, and I’d probably do a better job of that then being a SAHM anyway.
I think the discussion moved from the worth of a SAHM to the
worth of a SAHM versus a working mother. I’m commenting on your post as it
relates to SAHMs alone and not in relation to working moms, because I stay at
home. The problem with perpetuating the idea that a fictional salary estimate
for moms is somehow immoral because “even animals instinctively care for their
children” is that it devalues the work that we do. The reason for the high salary
estimate is not so much to degrade the dollar amount of salaries for those
working in jobs outside the home – it’s to point out the fact that the job of
being a SAHM is indeed a JOB, and one that deserves acknowledgement as such.
This societal mindset carries over to working partners and
makes them believe that we don’t deserve access to a portion of the household
income – attitudes like the one expressed in this post make them think we
should be grateful to have someone “take care of us” so we “can have the luxury”
of raising our kids fulltime. Working spouses can get mighty twisted and begin
to resent their stay-at-home partners when they think they’re doing all the
heavy lifting for the family while their nonworking counterparts get to stay on
the couch watching television all day while their little ones play quietly on
the floor. Nothing could be further from the truth. The idea of assigning a
monetary value is essentially defining worth for a SAHM. She deserves equal access
to household income, because she is providing all the things that would need to
be paid for if she had to work.
There’s also the issue of sacrificed potential lifetime
income on the part of the partner – male or female – that stays home with the
children. A great many SAHMs and SAHDs are highly educated (myself included, I
hold a BA and MPA), but sacrifice their careers to stay home. The potential
lifetime earnings sacrificed are very real, and therefore do reflect accuracy
in the statement that staying at home is a job that has monetary value. You are
implying you’re offended that the estimate is suggesting people staying at home
should receive a paycheck. I didn’t read it that way at all. It is simply stating
that if a monetary value was assigned, that would be the amount. I think its
purpose is to demonstrate that staying home to raise children is indeed A JOB.
Not a luxury. Not a privilege. A 24-hour, no vacations, no coffee breaks, no
sick leave… JOB. And it’s necessary for both partners to view it as such to
make a relationship with this arrangement work. Both parties need to believe
they are contributing equally to the relationship, and if it takes a monetary value
to define the worth of the work a SAHM does every day, then cut me a paycheck.
If you want to assign a monetary value to a SAHM, as I indicated in the post, it’s 50% of the household’s income. That’s how partnerships work.
This is a great article, Shawanda, and I am pleasantly surprised you tackled such a controversial topic so soon. I like it 🙂 and I like most of the ways you addressed the issue.
My mom was a SAHM for much of my childhood (from 3 – 12 years old), and went to the work force after my sisters and I were old enough to take care of ourselves. When my mom stayed at home, she also ran a home daycare, in addition to doing all the cooking, cleaning, and taking care of my sisters and I. And she also grew her own vegetables, so we could save money on food!!
When my mom went back to work, she still came home to do most of the cooking and cleaning, although my sisters and I started to help clean more.
I think it’s hard to put a price tag/ salary for moms – stay at home or not. Because, how can you really measure a role that’s so complicated? But I agree that it’s not realistic to combine the salaries of a cleaning person with a nanny to come up with a salary for a SAHM. It’s just not that simple.
Considering my situation (my wife is a SAHM), I’d say that the benefits of having one parent to stay at home is priceless. My wife used to work in daycare as a specialized educator. We were both working hard and running around all week days and weekends to make sure everything is done in our household.
Now that she is a SAHM, we eat awesome suppers (new recipes each week, never frozen meals or takeouts), we spend our entire weekend doing activities with kids, visiting friends and family (as all the chores have been done during the week) and we spend all our evening together (since nobody has to do lunches for kid after 8pm).
It’s difficult to say that it worth $115k, but since it gives us so much time that we both wouldn’t trade this lifestyle to the crazy : wake-up-work-sleep routine. We are blessed we could do it!
Finally! A man weighs in. I think you’re fortunate to have a wife who’s able to stay at home and who’s willing to cook meals from scratch. 🙂
we both love to cook so I mostly cook during weekends for fun and she does it over the week. When you have the required time, cooking is such a great activity (instead of being a painful chore!)
Your wife is the ideal stay at home mom and ya’ll have a great thing going.
I think what all the negative commenters are missing is that working mothers provide all the same services AND WORK. My kids are properly fed, cleaned, and educated-by ME. And I work 40 hours per week. I also repair anything around the house and handle the finances. I believe her point is that even if a mother works-she STILL has the same duties as the SAHM when she is not working. So if you want to pay a SAHM the minimum wage of a day care worker for 8 hours a day of bottom wiping and feeding then thats quite a departure from the salary reported on salary.com.
Yes! Another comment that doesn’t imply that I’m just evil. 🙂 Thanks, Mistyehill!
We’re shaped by our experiences. I know everyone isn’t the same as my mother, but she did everything. I asked her if she ever felt like she wasn’t appreciated by me, my siblings or my dad, and she said, “No.” When I hear about how hard it is to be a SAHM and how what they do is worth $115K, I immediately say to myself, “But my mom did the same stuff!”
I’ll tell anybody, I grew up in a loving and stable environment. I’m so grateful for what both my parents did. I had a very happy childhood. Many people can’t say that. You couldn’t pay anyone enough to do the job of mom. The real value provided by my mother didn’t have a whole lot to do with cooking and cleaning. That stuff is basic. It was HER spending time with me and listening to me, playing with me, teaching me to be honest, to have self confidence, to be independent. You can’t put a price tag on that stuff.
Hell oops heck as a stay at home mom I would be just happy with 40k a year for what I do. As for little Jimmy or Jean running around with a bald barbie head on a stick and there is mustard on the ceiling well, I personally either chalk it up to a bad day or mom was too sick and tired to actually deal with it all.
We do all the cooking, cleaning, child care and with little to no in most cases none, nada help from our husbands sick or not. I personally am usually up early to get breakfast, feed animals, water the animals, make the coffee, try and wake my husband up not once but, several times even though he has an alarm clock, and if I am very lucky have a bit of time before everyone gets up and the house explodes into activity.
Too bad I will never see that 115K let alone 40K a year.
I hear ya. It’d be nice if someone paid me to do the things necessary for my own survival and well being.
Given that SAHMs don’t have sick leave, days off (except on those rare occasions when their partners or family/friends take the kid/s so they can have a “me day”), and coordinate/multitask to a high level, I’m inclined to say that is a pretty accurate estimate for their salary. My mother quit a job as a professor at a university to stay home to take care of us – I remember her days started at 5am when she would get up and help our nanny-cum-cleaning-lady make breakfast & lunch for us, coordinated times to do grocery shopping, cleaning, laundry, household financials and school/PTA meetings etc., and didn’t got to bed until midnight, even on the weekends. If we were sick or not feeling well, she wouldn’t sleep and check our temperature and how we were feeling ALL NIGHT LONG. For sure, there are spoiled, lazy women (and men) out there who take advantage of their partners and go to the hair salon or go shopping all day, but most SAHMs I know spent on average FIFTEEN TO TWENTY hours a day taking care of their family – they often rise before other people in their family and stay up later.
When my mother was hospitalized for a couple months when I was in my late teens – EVERYTHING, I mean EVERYTHING in the house went to shambles – and we had a live-in cleaning lady who only went home for 2 days of the week! Other than basic cleaning and cooking, all the other tasks that need to be tackled (e.g. grocery shopping, menu planning, budgeting, parent-teacher type meetings, homework help, social gatherings with neighbors and friends, and all the other stuff that needs to be coordinated). I think a lot of non-SAHMs underestimate the amount of time and energy it takes to do all the housework, cook food, take care of the children, AND manage everything that pops up as a result of day to day life. I know when I started living on my own and managing my own household (by household I mean a 2 bedroom apartment with 2 cats and my sister as inhabitants) I found the task incredibly difficult – even when I was unemployed for some time and was taking care of the house full-time.
Being a good SAHM actually requires a lot of skills that would be expected of upper management in a business enterprise; it’s not just cleaning and cooking and doing things to make sure your kids don’t get sick and your house looks nice. Even at a conservative estimate, 18 dollars an hour (what my friends pay their nanny/babysitter) x 12 hours a day x 350 days a year, their salary should be $75,600. Given all the personal sacrifices they go through and all the overtime they do, it could easily go up beyond $100,000, which I believe is completely justified for a position with little down time, and few tangible/economic benefits (save not having to actually go to a workplace and earn income/personal gratification from being a great mother). I actually know a lot of people who pay MORE for a good nanny or housekeeper, however, the nannies and housekeepers usually get their weekends (or some other days) off and can CHOOSE not to work when they’re unwell or if they have other priorities. Being a SAHM limits you of these choices – or if you to make these choices to take time off for yourself, people who don’t fully understand the challenges of the situation criticize them for being bad SAHMs or lazy.
While yes, it is true, that SAHMs are partially compensated by their spouses’ income, I think you completely missed the mark – the salary is based on the fact that IF they were to be monetarily compensated as with other jobs (what they “should” make in the labor market if this was a job like any other), that this was the salary they would be paid. Suggesting that SAHMs don’t have a right to earn this salary is the same as complaining a doctor or an engineer, for example, shouldn’t be compensated for their job at that level too – running a household full time is no walk in the park, especially when spouses won’t help or are unable to help.
Your insinuation that SAHMs shouldn’t even consider a salary that high, might be applicable for the “Real Housewives of X” that don’t really do any of their “job description,” but is most definitely inflammatory and offensive towards those SAHMs that carry out their duties proficiently and dilligently.
*In my version of the salary estimate I gave SAHMs a standard 15 days’ vacation as is customary for most positions in Canadian companies.
Wow Shawanda, you know how they say you should think before you speak? You should think before you blog. I totally agree with all of the above- my mom is a Stay at Home Mom and she deserves way more than 115K for all the time and effort she’s taken to raise her children. She has never gotten a break.
I’m sure your mom would be really upset if she read this post.
When I asked my mom what she thought about my blog post, her response was “I never really thought about it. Y’all were children. I’m your mother and that’s what I’m supposed to do.” We have a wonderful relationship, and she’s quite proud of the woman I’ve become.
I’ve read your blog on and off but don’t really know anything about you. I absolutely respect your opinion can certainly your right to express it on your own blog. There is an underlying hint of disrespect toward stay at home Mom’s but I really don’t think it’s intentional. I can’t quite get where you’re coming from.
The one line that really got me as even as a working Mom was “When hubby gets home, the house should be cleaned, dinner should be
cooked, and (I hope I don’t get in trouble for saying this but) wifey
should be hot. And I don’t mean sweaty.” REALLY????? You could not say that to a woman working in any of the other professional positions you named so obviously you think less of SAHM. Yes, just try telling the women I work with they should look “hot” at the end of a long work day and see where that gets you.
If indeed you are a young woman without children, I would like to read a similar article from you when you’re in the middle of raising some kids, whether you’re working or not working. I suspect your views on this topic will have undergone a huge change.
I’ve thought about this for a long time. The fact that many people don’t agree with my opinion doesn’t change it and it certainly won’t silence me. Even if you could pay someone to perform the roles of a SAHM or working mom, the outcome wouldn’t be the same. Kids still crave the attention and compassion of their mother. Whether paid $40K a year or $400K a year, no one can take the place of a mom.
Oh and one more thing to my very verbose rant – I don’t think they’re considering this an actual “salary” but a monetary translation of the VALUE of SAHMs’ work as Psychsarah stated before. In economic terms the inherent VALUE of something does NOT always equate to its MARKET PRICE, which is what a real “salary” would be.
Maybe it’s my background in business, but your market worth is what someone is willing to pay you for the products and services you provide. So, if I were to get up and clean my house, cook my own food, style my hair, brush my teeth, etc., no one is going to pay me for that. Now, I could calculate how much I’d save by having someone else do that for me, but the rest of the world doesn’t see the economic benefit in paying me to do something that benefits me.
Maybe it’s my background in Economics, but market worth (or market price) doesn’t equate inherent (or conferred) value – that being said, the PRICE of something does not equate to the VALUE we place upon it (for social, psychological, or cultural reasons). For example – water has a high inherent value, however, it has a low market price (using North America as an example, of course); diamonds have a high socially conferred value, however it has a very high market price. I think the point of the article is more that SAHMs carry out a function that is underVALUED in the present labor market; that being said, the salary estimate may be overPRICED – which, in Economics anyway, are two different market measures of the same good/service. Bashing GOOD SAHMs (emphasis on the good part there – not the SAHMs that wait for hubby to come back and buy them a bunch of Loubies and go get their nails done) for having a salary estimate that is overpriced, when the societal value of a woman’s contribution for household work is grossly undervalued defeats the purpose of trying to place all women on an equal level with the rest of society.
Sure, noone will pay you for something that economically benefits you, but as a study of VALUE, not PRICE, this article has sound reasoning. Also, you cannot say that it does not economically benefit the other members of the family – if you were a SAHM and cleaned/cooked/too care of the children, your partner and your children benefit from it also – I just have a problem with you stating it as if SAHMs are just leeching off their spouses who work and that doing household work is valued much less than other jobs.
If we’re talking about the inherent value of a mom, SAHM or working, I don’t know how you could assign a monetary amount to their role at all. SAHMs and, moms in general, are intrinsically motivated to take care of their families the same way I’m motivated to take care of myself.
I didn’t say SAHMs were leeches. I specifically referred to them as partners. I think the tasks of cooking and cleaning can be outsourced at a reasonable rate. The true value of a mother lies in the intangibles she provides her children and significant other that cannot be performed by someone else.
If you were hoping to stir up controversy, well played! It seems like you made some comments just to get people angry (I was willing to play along and hear you out until the “hot” comment… really…) At this point in time, my husband stays home to care for our 8 month old son, since I earn a higher salary than he. When I get home, if my son is clean, fed, and happy, I don’t particularly care about whether my husband looks “hot” (by conventional standards). In fact, I find him more attractive when he’s on the floor in his grubbies playing with my son, rather than ignoring my son for a while just to get spiffed up before I get there. Some of your other potentially valid points are negated by this superficial attititude.
But I digress… I think this is a polarizing issue for many reasons, both personal and political. I would agree with Princessterror that the point of estimating the salary is not to suggest that SAH parents be paid that amount. In our society, people tend to understand “value” as monetary value. Therefore, there are many intangibles that cannot be calculated, both in terms of the work involved in staying at home with children and working outside the home. However, society tends to downplay the work that women do that does not have a monetary value (i.e., caretaking for the young, the old, the sick). Society just assumes women will do it (and for the most part they are right), and don’t account well for situations in which this doesn’t happen. I think this is why daycare workers, nursing home staff, and homecare workers are all paid poorly. The work they do is not seen as ecomonically important, because really, if things were “right in the world”, (I’m being facetious) some woman would do it for free. This might have been an arguably fair assumption when women did not pursue careers outside the home, but now that many women do, we can’t lay this burden solely on them. It becomes a societal issue at some point. For instance, when healthcare costs skyrocket when frail people are left in acute care hospitals becaue there is noone to take them home and do the thankless job of providing care for them, since most of use work outside the home now. I could argue the nuts and bolts of how they calculate this relatively large salary, (and on this level, I agree with some of your comments) but that’s really not the point. For some, it’s only when you put a cost on something that they “get it”.
My motivation for writing this post was to spark a thoughtful, engaging and civil discussion among women.
I’m not backtracking on the “hot” comment because I really do believe that. If it makes you feel any better, you and your husband can decide what qualifies as “hot.” I, myself, am partial to a lean, bearded, bald headed man, in a white t-shirt and Levi’s jeans. Mmm.
You’re right. Women shouldn’t be expected to assume all the responsibilities they had in the past AND work a regular job. I know some women who are the primary breadwinner in their home and still perform the traditional duties of a SAHM. It’s unfair. I used to date a guy who expected me to cook, clean, work, and workout. All he did when he got home was read the news and fall asleep. Yeah, that didn’t work out very well.
If a lot of dads did step up more and do the work, I wonder if the quality of their service would be up to the moms’ standards. Personally, I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut when my guy’s trying to cook. He just doesn’t do it right. It’s kind of like asking a man to plan a wedding.
My motivation for writing this post was to spark a thoughtful, engaging and civil discussion among women.
I’m not backtracking on the “hot” comment because I really do believe that. If it makes you feel any better, you and your husband can decide what qualifies as “hot.” I, myself, am partial to a lean, bearded, bald headed man, in a white t-shirt and Levi’s jeans. Mmm.
You’re right. Women shouldn’t be expected to assume all the responsibilities they had in the past AND work a regular job. I know some women who are the primary breadwinner in their home and still perform the traditional duties of a SAHM. It’s unfair. I used to date a guy who expected me to cook, clean, work, and workout. All he did when he got home was read the news and fall asleep. Yeah, that didn’t work out very well.
If a lot of dads did step up more and do the work, I wonder if the quality of their service would be up to the moms’ standards. Personally, I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut when my guy’s trying to cook. He just doesn’t do it right. It’s kind of like asking a man to plan a wedding.
I miss FB too. I will no longer subscribe to a blog where the new writer is unable to understand that the point of the SAHM breakdown is not to suggest that somehow she should get paid to be a stay at home mom but to recognize that if you had to pay someone for the services she provides then that would be the appropriate amount. In addition, the issue at hand is not the median income in this country versus what she “should” make, it is that she is expected to do it regardless of whether she stays at home or not. The fact that you use your own mother and disconnected father as a case study further proves the issue that, historically, women are expected to take that role regardless of their own personal work or responsibilities. It seems that your are suggesting that women who choose to be SAHM should suck it up and forget that they have any monetary value at all. Good luck maintaining the large number of female (and often mothers) readers that FB worked so hard to keep around.
As I’ve mentioned to other commenters who miss FB, you can still read what she has to say. She’s not gone yet.
Although I greatly admire and adore FB, I am NOT her. We are two different people with different life experiences and different voices. My opinion is my own, and I will defend it. If you disagree with my opinion, I’m cool with that.
I mentioned in a previous comment that I think working mothers have a pretty raw deal. They have to perform the roles of caretaker and provider. I agree that the division of labor between mom and dad should be more equitable, but it’s not. Kids still need to eat, still need to be cleaned, still need to be educated. If a woman has a guy who’s willing to split child rearing responsibilities and household chores with her 50/50 then she’s truly fortunate.
You said, “The SAHM breakdown is not to suggest that somehow she should get paid to be a stay at home mom but to recognize that if you had to pay someone for the services she provides then that would be the appropriate amount.”
I’m completely unconvinced an individual who does not have the training or experience of a psychologist, CEO, computer technician, or facilities manager would get paid the same amount as an individual who does. However, if a SAHM or working mother couldn’t perform her regular duties as a parent, a family member, friend or paid employee would step in and do the work. The paid employee would do the work because they’re, well, paid. More likely than not, the family member or friend, would do the work because they derive an intangible benefit from helping out a loved one. The vast majority of moms do their work out of love and when you do that, you can’t really assign a monetary value to what they do. I don’t calculate a monetary value for going on dates with my boyfriend. Although I’m sure there’s a market out there.
By the way, thanks for the well wishes.
Yes, a working mother does more things with her time, by virtue of the fact that she directs her energies and attention both in and outside the home. But if we say that working moms do everything that SAHM (or parents) do, then aren’t we back to the assumption that SAHMs stay at home eating ice cream all day?
My perception is that working mothers sometimes have internal guilt about the fact that they are away from their children for a significant part of the week. But I also think that SAHMs feel a lot of external guilt about the fact that they’ve chosen to “just” stay at home. Let’s face it – you’re not going to write a post about all of those things (and their potential value) that a woman costs her family by working outside the home; you’ve instead chosen to knock the fact that a high value was placed on a homemaking mother’s contributions to her family. Regardless of the impetus for your post, it’s another one of those non-parenting working women trying to reign in the value of a homemaker. Like someone said- you just sound mean.
“If we say that working moms do everything that SAHM (or parents) do, then aren’t we back to the assumption that SAHMs stay at home eating ice cream all day?”
Um, no. And at no point did I suggest SAHMs eat ice cream all day.
“Let’s face it – you’re not going to write a post about all of those things (and their potential value) that a woman costs her family by working outside the home.”
I also didn’t write a post about all the value that a working mother provides for her family (and herself for that matter).
I am a non-parenting working woman. And I seriously, SERIOUSLY doubt my views would change if I became a parenting working woman. My working mother did a fine job raising me and my siblings and no one suggested she should receive wages of $115K a year for taking care of her family. Maybe this year someone will calculate how much I should earn for calling my mother every day. Or, listening to my brother talk about his career aspirations. I wonder what the going rate is for holding a door open for strangers.
I think that the bottom line is people should stop with the I’m-better-than-you syndrome. One is not more noble than the other. We can be good mothers being a SAHM and being a working mom.
A reasonable person can’t argue with that.
I disagree with salary.com and you. Not a very nice post to be honest and I miss FB. SAHM basically make what they would be earning if they were working. Let’s just put it at face value. Moms who are valuable and make a good salary who choose to stay at home are giving up their salary.
And working moms? Who do you think they are paying to watch their kids? No one? Sorry it’s a nanny or daycare. If you aren’t watching your kid someone is. And a daycare hires people or you hire a nanny. So obviously watching kids is a “job”.Where I live? People pay $2500/month for daycare on average and 1 kid nannies are $15/hr = $30k/year and two kids $25/hr = $50k/year.
I stay at home by choice and enjoy it. I finished a doctorate and am choosing not to work. My value? $80-90k. I know because I have had job offers at that range and left a salary in that range, and sometimes I KNOW it’s easier to work than deal with my kid. I’ve tons of working and SAHM friends and the ones who work admit it’s easier than dealing with your kid. You only get the few hours and none of the bad. And I admit that my DH makes a good living but we save more than most two income families percentage wise 30%+ for retirement,our only debt our mortgage. If I worked we’d pay for daycare and save the rest. So why do it? We live modestly now and more is unnecessary.
My neighbors both work and they are having premade food delivered today. Um, I know she makes what I makes and I wouldn’t spend $100+ to have premade food delivered to my home. Their daycare charges $2500/month. But hey working means you spend more, more on gas, more on eating out, more on everything. So just because you work doesn’t mean you come out ahead financially. But women work and don’t stay at home for reasons other than financial. A lot of women chose to work even if they have to pay to work because of mental sanity. I can respect that.
But the caveat is that MANY working moms don’t respect SAHM nor can they acknowledge that often that financially it can be more beneficial and even lead to saving more money. But people in general spend more when they make more it’s human nature.
So instead of working to pay for food delivered, nicer car (I drive a 99 corolla), expensive trips, etc I get the privilege of staying a home with my kids.
More people should consider what it really means to stay at home financially.
If you miss FB, you should stay tuned because she’s not gone yet.
The reason I take issue with assigning a salary to the role of SAHM or mom, in general, is you’re supposed to take care of your kids. As I mentioned in the post, animals do it. The reason you’d need to pay someone to take care of your child is because, naturally, someone who’s unrelated to you doesn’t want to take on the same level of sacrifice as the mother of a child.
To a mother who quits her job, she may base her worth on the income she gave up, but the marketplace doesn’t care about that. If I quit my job as Controller to become a receptionist, who’d agree to paying me the same amount for two very different roles?
Many working women don’t send their children to daycare. For instance, when my grandmother was alive, she cared for me and my brother while my mom was at work. My mom did the same thing for my brother’s three kids for many years. And when I finally went to daycare, the cost was like $120 a month. Things sure have changed in 27 years. At $2,500 a month, I’m guessing your neighbors have a whole bunch of kids or they’re paying for top quality service.
I didn’t make a value judgment on which role was better. If you wanna stay at home and cook meals from scratch, great. If you want to work and pay someone else to do it for you, that works too. Either way, the kids eat, right?
It is $2500/month for 1 kid. Maybe you’d better go live in a HCOLA. And they are paying the going rate for daycare, they aren’t alone. Most of my friends pay that and more. As most say with 2 kids it’s a mortgage payment and 3 kids no one works anymore. Not worth it.
Really? I don’t know anyone working who has free childcare. Perhaps you’d better ask all those working moms if they have free childcare? I find it interesting that you claim most people have free care. Do a poll of just readers and I think you’d be surprised.
Nope, but if you chose to go back to working what would you make? You are giving up a salary. It’s forgoing that income. The jobs don’t have to be the same. You are forgoing a salary.
Also working moms don’t do the same as SAHM, it’s not possible. It’s not wrong it’s just going to happen. They do what they can during the hours they have their kids, but it’s not the same.
I think another interesting point to look at is ask part-time working moms if it’s the same? Do they do the same thing working as child care? And nowadays it’s just as likely that men are staying at home part-time or full time. Downsizing and layoffs have forced a lot of men into childcare roles out of necessity.
I didn’t say most people. I said, “Many working women don’t send their children to daycare.” According to ChildStats.gov, “In 2010, 48 percent of children ages 0–4 with employed mothers were primarily cared for by a relative—their father, grandparent, sibling, other relative, or mother— while she worked.” That’s almost half. I live in a high cost of living area and I’m sure there are places around here that charge $2,500 a month. There are also childcare providers (maybe not day cares) that charge half that.
The opportunity cost of not working should definitely be considered when making a decision to stay home. If we’re saying SAHMs are worth the average salary they give up (ignoring the costs of working), it’s about 1/3 of $115K. But still, I wouldn’t be able to quit my job where I make six-figures a year and expect the same amount if I became a nanny.
I have always pointed out that my children have the same attention and love that children of SAHM. Here’s my blog on the issue from a couple of years ago
:http://thetruthaboutbeingagrownup.blogspot.com/2010/11/mom-who-works.html
great post Shawnda!
Thanks! You sound like a great mom. Around the time I was about 4 years old, I used to ask my mom to read to me all the time. One day she told me, “I’m tired of reading to you. You gotta learn how to read.” And then she taught me. Win/Win.
Oh wow, the hot wife thing – should my partner be “hot” when he comes back from being an electrician? Your worth as a person is NOT dependent on your appearance. I could say so much about this, but will just say I deeply disagree that any SAHM is not doing her job properly if she doesn’t attend to her appearance in a culturally accepted “polished” way, there are so many ways to be in the world, this should be a personal choice alone.
But I agree with the rest in a large part. As a long time SAHM, I have always found these financial projections a bit ridiculous. I would be expensive to replace, because my main contribution is time. Just being available, very close to 24hrs a day, and in a low ratio of 1 adult to my kids vs 1 adult to a class or a daycare room – would be costly, but the reality is I would not be replaced like that. My kids would be cared for with more kids by people who aren’t paid well and my partner would become the working parent who does the other jobs outside work hours.To be honest, I also hate when people say it is “the hardest job”. I think it is difficult with high expectations – like the clean house at a certain point of the day, rather than accepting that the work is continuously being generated if there are people in the home, and kids have frequent and unscheduled needs to be attended to which can prevent you getting to household stuff. There are psychological strains but I experienced them at other jobs as well, and my kids wear my partner out sometimes and he’s at work as well. I think it is important that the hard bits are acknowledged but this weird combination of making out like it is a shitty gig, with it’s social status swinging from “you’re a saint” to “you eat bonbons all day”, isn’t helpful for women. I don’t actually see it as “work”, life does exist outside the paradigm of earning money, however essential that process is.
I wouldn’t expect your electrician husband to be hot when he got home because I wouldn’t put it in his job description. If your worth isn’t dependent on your appearance, then I guess the same could be said of your worth if you’re a horrible cook who doesn’t clean up and refuses to tutor her kids. To be fair, I don’t think either husband or wife should just allow their appearance to fall apart assuming they’re able to exercise some control over how they look.
I think the role of SAHM is hardest for those who really don’t want to do it. For instance, I have a relative who’s a pretty mediocre SAHM by most people’s standards, but the role was forced upon her because she was fired from her job. She’d gladly quit her job as SAHM and go back to work. Now, if you willingly accept the role as SAHM, you should be awesome. And if you hate it so much, quit and do something else.
Shawanda I for one agree with you, on “wifey should be hot”… Some ladies out there(these are the exception) think that because they are at home taking care of the kids they don’t need to shower or be presentable… I am a single working parent and before I take care of my son or go to work “I deserve to take a shower and have a cup of coffee”,that does not make me self centered,on the opposite if I don’t take care of “me”, how can I be a good caregiver to my child. My mother was a SAHM and she was always put together morning or night and if she was doing chores,she wore an apron.
Thank you. I think moms should take care of themselves. I’m the eternal advocate for making sure you have enough money to retire comfortably over saving for a kid’s college education.
When it comes to looking sexy, I think it’s a matter of priority. If it’s not important to you or your husband (we’d have to ask him how important it is when his wife isn’t around) you won’t make time for it. It’s up to you to prioritize. Personally, if I had a husband who was a SAHD, I wouldn’t mind the house being a little messy if he kept himself looking hot for mama. 🙂
My mom is an awesome stay-at-home mom, and if my boyfriend and and I get married, we’d probably split the domestic workload in half (he cooks, I clean).
However, continuing on the list of jobs that a stay-at-home mom does is “computer operator, facilities manager, van driver, psychologist, laundry machine operator, janitor and chief executive officer”. Some of those jobs make more money than cook, teacher, and housekeeper and inflate the number quite a bit.
I only included the top three roles of stay-at-home moms. Janitor and laundry machine operator seem redundant. Psychologist, facilities manager, and chief executive officer seem like highly skilled professions. I have a hard time accepting the idea that people who don’t have the training or experience in those fields could command a similar level of compensation.
As a single working mother, I tend to agree. I do all of the work the SAHMs do, and don’t have the luxury of a husband bringing home a salary or doing even the occasional load of laundry. I would be thrilled to be making that $115,000 in addition to my (much smaller) salary. Lest we all sound like a bunch of whiners, I wouldn’t trade my life. I love my kids, I love my job, I love not having to resent my husband for all that he’s not doing. So my house could be a little cleaner…
Cheers to you for not resenting a husband who doesn’t pull his weight around the house. I have a ton of respect for working, single mothers. (And despite how some people interpret what I’ve said, I have respect for all good mothers.) One of my closest friends held down a full-time job and got an MBA all while raising a son on her own. By the way, she still doesn’t make $115K a year.
I am a SAHM, and though the amt seems excessive–if we did what we do for a corporation, all the multi-tasking & coordination involved–it’s probably accurate! I snorted to myself at the comment that ‘it’s not so hard, some basic cooking skills & time management skills needed’ –uh, yeah. I’m no Martha Stewart or Stepford Wife (Wifey should be HOT), but it’s an unforgiving and obviously unappreciated job, sort of like a teaching position, but imagine it 24/7 with no days off, EVER. I was stressing once to my husband on the phone, and he was like, “well, just act if your job ends at 5pm”–now that’s naivete!! I’ve also worked, and worked f/t with kids–that’s the worst–you and your kids and husband get the short end of the stick all of the time. And we’re not talking about having nannies and housekeepers, either! But, a more reasonable equivalent amt of pay is probably 40k–not counting the all-nighters (overtime) we pull for say, a stomach flu bug in the family. My husband is terrific, I call him more ‘highly evolved’ than most men, but he can’t multi-task laundry, groceries, meal-planning, cooking, childcare, tutoring, coordinating parties and in-law’s relationships and gift-giving, volunteering, sports & afterschool activities & chauffeuring, scouts, scout-leading, travel-planning, packing, taking care of aging parents, gardening, petcare, disciplining, updating house & linens, buying clothes for ever-growing and picky kids, reading up on childcare/politics/whatever… Did I mention that I run an online business and I’m a caregiver for his 98 yo grandmother who raised him?? Sometimes…the idea of working just one 8 hr/day job and coming home to a meal & clean clothes and doing a few household chores in the evening…sounds EASY to me, too!
Yeah. I understand being a SAHM is no walk in the park, but my working mother did almost everything you just mentioned. And since I was an asthmatic, there were many nights she had to stay up with me to make sure I kept breathing and whatnot.
“The idea of working just one 8 hr/day job and coming home to a meal & clean clothes and doing a few household chores in the evening…sounds EASY to me, too!”
There may be some men out there who’ll step in and cook and clean, but I don’t know of many – okay I don’t know any – who make a habit of doing it on a regular basis. The working mamas still have to take care of these things. I think working women get a pretty raw deal, but that’s how it is.
You say, ” I’m no Martha Stewart or Stepford Wife (Wifey should be HOT), but it’s an unforgiving and obviously unappreciated job.”
After all my mother has done for me, I’m extremely thankful for what she did. Sometimes I call her up, in tears, just to tell her how much I love and appreciate her. (I tell her every day I love her but without the tears.) Unless you raise some ungrateful kids, yours will likely do the same day.
I’ve always wondered why housework is only considered work when it’s the only work you’re doing.
Hehehe. Maybe it’s not intentional, but the salary estimates for SAHMs are offensive to a lot of working mothers. They have to do the same stuff!
Shawanda I believe that working women are a little jealous of women who have chosen their kids over money. As a mother you are paying or passing off your responsibility to another women to nurture and spend time with your child. Working women miss out on a lot of their kids lives. Caring for a toddler all day is not always fun because that child need for you to read to them play with them and feed them. When you put your child in daycare most of the time they are not cared for the way they should. I worked at a daycare and I know for a fact that the kids are not being nurtured. Kids in daycare get sick more often than those that are being cared for by mom. To choose to be a stay at home mom is a selfless act. Some women don’t have a husband to support them that is why they have no choice but to work but given the option to nurture their child they would be happy. I put my baby in daycare to go back the work after a year and he got really sick so I now realize the cost of staying home with my children is priceless but if there was a price it would be $1500 a month plus $600 for the extra cleaning I have to do. I was a working mom before and if it wasn’t for the health benefits of the kids I rather take the easy way and let someone else care for my kids and that we cannot afford daycare it’s actually $250per week.
I more or less agree with everything here. But “wifey should be hot”? Are you serious?? I think by the end of the day “wifey” is going to look the same as any other woman who’s worked all day. Maybe hot, maybe a hot mess. Being home doesn’t mean you have hours to devote to your hotness! I’m on maternity leave now with my four-month old baby boy, and I would feel like a pretty shitty mom if I took an hour or two out of our day to primp rather than doing stuff that’s actually important – taking care of the baby, keeping the house clean, doing our errands, and so on. Being “hot” is not super high on my list of daily priorities. Looking presentable, put-together and attractive is. Luckily my husband isn’t an asshole tool and is just happy to get home to see his wife and baby boy at the end of the day.
I guess our definition of what makes someone hot are different. Your husband would be the judge of what’s attractive. To me, it’s not about putting on false eyelashes and a face full of makeup right before your husband gets home. I see many SAHMs in my neighborhood jogging with their kids and staying in good shape. Preparing healthy meals goes a long way too. Saying that probably won’t help me regain any points I’ve lost, but like I told a previous commenter, I’d expect NO LESS from a SAHD.
Christ.. don`t knock it until you`ve tried it! And wifey should be hot” is condescending, degrading and down right insulting!
Is it? Because it’s exactly what I’d expect if hubby was at home taking care of the kids.
Yes, and I think that women that work outside the house should get that on top of their day job salaries. After all, it’s a second job to come home and take care of the kids, food etc on top of their day jobs. If the husband/dad helps, then they should share the SAHM salary.
I totally agree when you say: ” dads, typically, aren’t anywhere near as involved in their children’s lives as moms.” And even if they wanted to, some things only moms can do, period…
I think so too. Motherhood doesn’t end just because you get up and go to a regular job every day.
I think it would depend on how old the kids were. If you have 3 kids under 6, it’s a hell of a lot harder to run a household smoothly than having older kids that are in school all day. That being said, even with really young kids, I don’t think the job is worth as much as $115K. I’d think about $40K, since there’s so much “overtime”. It’s not like it’s a particularly skilled profession, unless you’re a Martha Stewart wannabe. Some basic cooking and cleaning skills, basic money management, and trying not to kill your kids. It’s hard work, but it’s definitely not worth more than what many doctors make.
I’m definitely not knocking stay at home moms, I think it’s great when someone is financially able to stay home and raise their kids. My mom stayed at home with us before my dad left, and after the separation she went back to school full-time. When she graduated she started working, sometimes up to 50 hours a week. My dad was little help, because he declared bankruptcy before the divorce and didn’t have us more than every other weekend and one night a week. She cut a lot of corners and I basically raised my siblings while she was working, but there was food in our mouths, a roof over our heads, and we went to school.It was sufficient, but I do wish she was around for us more. I grew up too quickly.
“It’s not like it’s a particularly skilled profession, unless you’re a Martha Stewart wannabe.”
I’m with you on that one. You’d have to be doing an amazing job to convince me someone would willingly pay you $115K a year in a competitive job market. I’m not gonna lie, if I were a mother I’d probably want to stay at home with my child(ren). Would probably even wanna home school them too. But still, $115K a year to take care of my own kids and husband? Preposterous.
What a great post! My mom was a working SINGLE mom, so she had to do all that a SAHM has to do, AND work a full work week. The poor woman. It’s hard work, but I think it can be quite a bit more enjoyable than going to the office every day.
Re: Dads and their lack of involvement. This is certainly true in previous generations, but I hope it is hanging with the younger generation. I see my cousin’s husbands and boyfriends, and even mine (though he’s not a father yet), and they are already so involved with their kids lives. It’s nice to see a change.
My brother is more involved in his kids’ lives than their mother, but that’s not the norm. All of my friends who are mothers work and they still have do, um, almost everything when it comes to child rearing. Dads are doing more now than they have in years past, but what they’re doing now is hardly equal to what the mom does.
I agree with Nicole and Alissa, I thought this was going to be one of those annoying SAHM worth posts, but it wasn’t! Just because you work and are a mom doesn’t make you bad.
Ha! I’m glad you clicked on it. I was actually inspired to write it after reading a post in an online forum that said, “The death of the SAHM is ruining this country.” Oh, really?
OMG. Thank you for writing this. I’ve been harping about this for years. SAHM do infact do a lot of work, but that doesn’t mean that women who work still don’t clean, cook, teach their kids and do laundry! I don’t think it’s fair to associate a value with their work since yes, they are a partner to what the husband earns. Much like you, my mother worked full time, but my dad worked the 3pm to 11pm shift, so he was never home during the week nights for cooking, cleaning, music lessons and sports practice. So my mom did the work of a SAHM and a working woman. I’ve heard the saying a lot, “SAHM don’t get a day off…” Guess, what neither to working women. You may get a day off of work because your sick, but if you have kids, you’re still not getting that day off either (granted you could still send them to daycare…but a SAHM could send them to a friend’s or a grandma’s).
I don’t know. I don’t want to debate it to much because both work hard and both have struggles. We are all women and we all should be supporting eachother to empower eachother to get through our lives successfully and happily no matter the means!
I saw how much work my mother did to help provide for us financially in addition to all the other stuff she was responsible for taking care of. Working mothers aren’t absolved of their duties to be emotionally available for their children, to help them with their homework, to attend sporting activities, or anything else. They just have less time to do all those things because they also have to work a regular job.
Finally! I have seen these ‘what a SAHM is worth’ reports before and laughed. I’m glad someone else agrees with me.
They’ve always bugged me. In an effort to make SAHMs feel better about what they do, Salary.com slaps career moms in the face. How many working mothers bring in six figures a year? Very few.
Hi,
My name is Aaron Gouveia. I’m the content manager for Salary.com and I’m also a dad blogger.
Just wanted to point out that Salary.com also does the same thing for working moms in calculating their salary if they got paid a dollar amount for their domestic work. I don’t see it as a slap in the face, but rather a way to bring recognition to both SAHMs and working moms. And, let’s face it, we’re Salary.com so yes, it we have to tie it in to salary. Is it an exact science? Of course not! But it’s certainly not a slap in the face by any stretch.
“Working moms ‘at-home’ salary is $63,472 in 2011; this is in addition to the salary they earn in the workplace.”
This figure would suggest that a working mother does 45% of what a stay at home mom does. In order to be worth the same amount as a SAHM, the working mother would have to make a salary of over $50K a year. Although that may seem modest, I doubt the majority of working women command a salary of that amount.
I guess it makes sense that your company would calculate salaries. I maintain that SAHMs are NOT employees. They’re partners and they should share in the partnerships profits.