BF made an observation the other day that took me back to the days of being in debt.
We had been talking about a friend who is going through a rough time financially.
The guy has a lot of debt, is on the brink of losing his house but still finds the money to pay $80 a month in milk.
I mean, I am all for buying milk and not pop for example, but is it so hard to cut back on having less milk and just drinking water, seeing as you don’t have the cash to buy and feed your milk addiction?
I digress.
So as we were discussing what he could do or where he could cut back (milk obviously being #1), he told me:
Well, if you don’t have the money, even something that people consider a staple like milk, is not affordable any longer. I mean, look at you!
When you were in debt, I remember you cut back on everything.
You didn’t go out to eat, you basically stayed inside and we went for walks because you couldn’t afford anything. The only thing you bought was a bike because we could go biking together for free in the summer as another activity.
You also didn’t buy very much and you even stopped wearing makeup to conserve every penny. I remember your work pants started falling off you from all the weight you were losing from biking so much, and you refused to buy new pants, and made do with a belt to keep them up, because you couldn’t bring yourself to pay $50 for a pair of fitted pants.
Hearing that, took me back.
I don’t remember being or feeling so tight-fisted with my money, but I do remember all the things he’s mentioning.
I do recall in the beginning of my debt journey, spending more than I should have, and learning how to budget properly along the way with a lot of falls off the wagon, but I suppose I was so close to the end of my debt that I could smell it, and nothing, not even an ice cream cone was going to get in my way.
I would cheer every time I could send even $6 towards my debt, because it paid the interest for that day.
I don’t ever remember it being that tough to go through not buying anything except the necessities, but I suppose……. I made it through without a hitch because it was as if my debt clearing would be inevitable, and it was just a matter of time.
It’s the reason why I am torn between suggesting the guy cut on his milk consumption and drink water instead (you can get all that you need from legumes and vegetables), because I don’t want people to kill themselves to get out of debt.
I really don’t advocate that kind of lifestyle, but in BF’s eyes, I was living in exactly like that, although I didn’t feel I was doing it.
Looking back now, I see that I could have been seen as being “crazy” or “debt-obsessed”, both of which were BF’s words for my behaviour in those days…. but I found it just exhilarating and motivating that I could save even $0.10 on something, to funnel it towards my debt.
It’s really funny, how people see your behaviour from their lens and how you judge your own behaviour in return.
It’s the same for minimalism — I don’t feel like we’re extreme minimalists (we have a lot of stuff, at least 3 hotel cartfuls), but in comparison to others, I can see how people can see our situation differently, when comparing to their own.
In that spirit, I can also understand how people shop and spend when they don’t REALLY have the money and should save it for other things, but they don’t see that they have a shopping addiction or problem.
I was there once and in denial for a long time until I slapped myself awake.
It’s funny how memories can change. I look back on my debt as a challenge and something life-changing that I went through, but not a dark, awful time in my life.
Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver.
I cleared $60,000 in 18 months earning $65,000 gross/year.
Now I am self-employed, and you can read more about 
Absolutely! When I started sorting my money I knew exactly how much I charged where; when it would hit my credit card…how many spend free days I had, etc. I was constantly policing myself. Now I have a vague idea of how much money I have but its not down to the penny. I don’t obsess over every small expenditure and I place a higher value on my time than my money.
I lost my ability to digest red meat when we were paying off DH’s student loans. That was probably going too far. But I didn’t know. I’m glad I did it, but I sure couldn’t do it again. I am very glad that we are unlikely to ever have to, precisely because of the sacrifices we made then.
And it’s not like we stayed miserly– after the debt was gone we loosened up. After we had an emergency fund, we loosened up some more. It is nice being able to steadily increase your standard of living rather than having ups and downs.
Thanks for the interesting read. I am going through that NOW. Now that I am finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel, I am all that much more determined. I took the kids for a treat at the drive-through (one kid got the cheapest item on the menu, and the second got the item that would allow the third to get a desired item free with coupon.) This trip was planned in advance, because we had the coupon for the desired item, and I got nothing for myself. I want to be out of debt more than I want some $3-5 item that would be a moment on the lips, a longer time on my balance sheet.
i think sometimes you get to a certain point in debt where you are so far gone that drinking water instead of spending $3 on milk doesn’t make sense – that $3 isn’t going to make THAT big of a dent. i can remember growing up, my parents in serious debt, we were about to lose our house / part of the farm, and i needed new tennis shoes. and i felt so guilty for having my parents spend money on them because i knew we didn’t have any. my parents bought them anyway, and my dad explained it to me just that way: a $60 pair of shoes is not going to make a difference when the farm had almost $1 million dollars of debt.
if you’re in enough debt to be almost losing your house, it’d be hard to convince yourself that a few gallons of milk is going to change that! it IS the little things, however, micromanaging all the little things isn’t going to make much of a difference if the big things are completely out of control. at least it’s milk and not something more wasteful, like jewelry or electronics or whatnot?
I am currently in crazy debt pay off mode as well and am refusing to buy a lot of things new except for food, undies, and shoes. All of which I currently do not need except for the food part of course. I think it is great that you paid off your debts and have no debts either. Hoping to get there sometime especially since I do not want any of my debt passed on to my daughter.
I think it’s awesome that you did those things. You did everything you could or so it seems, to pay it off.
I basically went into crazy debt-repayment mode near the end. I just wanted it gone and finished. I wasn’t so crazy in the beginning..
I was totally like you when I was paying off debt. No milk, no new clothes, biking more, buying a belt and not caring I was losing weight (hey I thought it was a benefit). I totally was debt obsessed, but for different reasons. I wanted to get out of debt, so I could then go back to school debt free. People still don’t understand when I want to have no spend months, or when I ride my bike for fun, or selling my Jeep for a cheaper car which I paid cash for. Oh well, I guess all that matters in the end is, I can sleep at night because I don’t have debt. 🙂
It’s funny that you posted a picture of a banana becuase I have been working on paying off my debt for about a year and have about 9 months to go. Bananas here in Australia became insanely expensive in that time because of a cyclone that wiped out the Queensland banana farms. It was costing $15 for like four bananas! So bananas which were once a staple became a luxury. I would maybe buy one banana every two months as a special treat. It’s funny, the prices are coming down now but I still think of them as luxury items and feel like a queen if I buy three of four at once!
GAH!
How ironic then 🙂
I think the way I live frugally now is probably perceived differently by my friends and myself. When I decline some invitations out because I don’t want to spend 5 dollars on a coffee or 10 dollars for a pint at the bar, I often get comments from people like “come on, it’s only a few dollars, you have to live a little”, especially people who have a good idea of how much I make. The way I see it, I’m not depriving myself of anything I truly want, but I’m being smart with my money and building a solid financial foundation for myself. But I’m sure some of my friends see me as some kind of a scrooge / money hoarder who doesn’t know how to enjoy herself. oh well 🙂
Maybe that’s it. People don’t see the other things you DO do.
That said,.. I really was crazy.
ahh, I remember when you where debt obsessed too! 🙂 I’m still there. I love reading what you’re up to now and you’ve been such an inspiration.
must tell you that i’ve been pointing DD in the direction of your blog, she’s just bought your budgeting tool and once she’s used it for a while I’ll get her to a review.
Oh that’s great!
I had no idea I was so crazed… 😐 Odd how memories change, given time
I love your story and am encouraged and motivated by it. It reminds me that I too need to cinch up my belt tighter and not be so laxidazical. I will share it in the near future on my blog. Please have your friend check out my free online book. It may give him more ideas of where he might cut back.
He’s not an online person 🙂 But I will pass it along!
My motivation ebs and flows when it comes to saving and paying down debt, and really anything I do (losing weight, getting good grades, career development). I really wish I could build up the type of motivation you were talking about in this post and channel it into good things ALL the time, but it’s a work in progress.
Right now, my debt isn’t accruing interest, and being that I’m trying to stop having to create interest accruing debt by saving up for tuition before I have to pay it, I can’t pay it back. But when I start, I’m sure I’ll want to obliterate that $13,100 loan as soon as possible. I just hope I have the motivation you did!
I don’t know where I pulled it from, but it came out in me when I was nearing the end of my debt.
I still remember those pants. I’ve long since donated them but.. damn! He is SO RIGHT.