Story time!
My father was the King of Frugality. I like to call it being the King of Cheap because there were some pretty questionable things he did when I was a kid that appalls people (especially BF) when he hears of what my dad used to do.
One of his crowning moments was refusing to buy me glasses because he thought I didn’t need them.
Let everyone be forewarned, it wasn’t as though my parents didn’t have the money to buy my glasses for me, it was that my father figured that the prices of glasses would drop SOME TIME, he would get them on a sale or SOMETHING.
His best solution was that we’d be going to the States when I was in grade 2, so we’d be able to buy them for cheaper there (Note: I live in Canada).
I complained a bit, but not very much because I trusted my parents knew best.
My father said that I didn’t need glasses, I was just growing and my eyes were changing, and I would be just fine. How could I not be? Everyone else in the family had perfect vision. I could only trust what an older adult who helped procreate me, tells me!
He also said that glasses were expensive, and that wearing glasses meant I was weak in spirit and body in some way. Doomed to be the runt of the litter and I’d be able to strengthen my eyes and see clearly without a problem, if I just willed it to happen and wanted it enough.
And besides, wearing glasses was “ugly for a young girl”.
Just hearing it now, makes me scoff.
Note: In case you don’t know, bad eyesight is caused by your eyeballs being positioned too far forward or too far back, and it throws off the angle of the light hitting your retina and registering in your brain. Read more about it here: How do glasses work)
See kids? STAY IN SCHOOL AND READ BOOKS or you will believe stupid myths like that too!
So for the first 8 years of my life, I sat in front, I squinted, I frowned, I did all these strange things to my faces that I am sure will show up as wrinkles in my forties, and I got massive headaches.
I honestly had no idea that my blurry vision was NOT normal. No one told me otherwise. I figured everyone had to squint and all lights looked like pretty but blurry bokeh filters, kind of like this:
I was always bumping into things, getting tired, having headaches and squinting.
It wasn’t until my mother got a call and a note from my teacher that she understood that I had a vision problem and when she discovered that my father knew all this time but was trying to hide it from her to save a buck, she was livid!
But then he talked her down after telling her that in 5 months we’d be in the States and the prices would be cheaper there, she calmed down.
(Hey, she didn’t know any better about any of this. She wasn’t super educated about things like this, and she didn’t wear glasses either.)
So fast forward 5 months later.
We are in the States, I am finally getting my glasses and for the first 5 days my head hurt from finally seeing clearly for the first time.
(Note: I do believe I remember my mom saying to my dad: These glasses aren’t any damn cheaper than in Canada!, and my dad sheepishly agreeing, but secretly loving that he saved having to buy different sized glasses and prescriptions as I grew older from a toddler to a 7-year old).
When the headaches cleared and I got used to my glasses, I realized that trees were not fuzzy shapes, lights were not bokeh filters and people had faces.
Actual, distinguishable faces!!
They actually didn’t know how bad my eyesight was, until the doctor gave me the prescription and said: She has VERY bad eyesight, and needs -9.00 in both eyes.
My parents didn’t know what it meant, so he explained that I would need to wear glasses the size of coke bottles. That’s when I think my parents felt guilty about not getting my glasses for me sooner as a kid, and trying to save money by waiting for my head to grow to its normal size and my eyes to “finish growing”, so they wouldn’t have to buy a new pair of glasses each year.
I think the eye doctor shamed them enough that it was probably the reason why I got chocolate ice cream that day.
I look back and laugh about it now, but I do remember being really frustrated in class because I couldn’t see clearly, and kids thinking I was stupid rather than that I couldn’t see what they were talking about.
Do you have any other similar cheap-disguised-as-frugal stories?
[Added] P.S. — I am not mad at my parents or angry. What’s done is done and it’s actually kind of funny in hindsight… they were clueless, not purposefully cruel.
Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver.
I cleared $60,000 in 18 months earning $65,000 gross/year.
Now I am self-employed, and you can read more about 
Oh that’s awful! -9.00 is really high!! Maybe your eyes wouldnt have gotten that bad if you had gotten glasses earlier 🙁 Maybe now you can get lasik surgery and be completely glasses free
Well I think my eyeballs would have grown to whatever they are now, so I am not complaining.
I’m wearing contacts now, so I don’t see the difference… and I’m kind of squeamish about Lasik 🙁
I needed new glasses from the time I was in 5th grade through 6th grade and my mother refused to believe that I needed glasses although the school nurse sent notes home saying that I needed them. My mother claimed that if I didn’t read so many books I wouldn’t need them. My dad and younger sister(received glasses when she was 7) both wore them. I was so frustrated at not being able to see what my teachers wrote on the blackboard. My teacher wrote lots of science notes on the board for us to copy verbatim. Guess what, I left out words because I couldn’t read them and was too shy to tell the teacher. I sat in the front of the class so that I could see better. Finally I was able to get glasses in the 7th grade. I still remember seeing the leaves as separate entities through the window of my home.
Later on I tried to make sure that my son was seeing okay. In 2nd grade his teacher told me that he wasn’t seeing as well as he might. I immediately had him examined and bought him glasses. I felt guilty that I couldn’t tell and he didn’t complain about not seeing.
Your story is my story! Except I complained to my parents and not to my teacher… My dad also thought I read too many books without enough light 😛
My mom was very similar in thought. The school told my mom I needed my eyes checked when I was in the 5th grade. I didn’t get glasses until I was 21 on my own and went to the doctor myself. I was amazed at how different things looked when you could see clearly. As a result, I have always made sure my kids get what they need. We discovered my daughter needed glasses at 2, I am ashamed to say that although I did get her glasses right away, I tried to save money with cheaper frames. I have learned a very hard lesson that it really is better to just get a really good pair of glasses the first time around that will last till the next prescription change. Otherwise you end up replacing them more often and not saving money at all.
There is nothing wrong with saving money on frames. I mean, hell, they’re going to grow out of them… just GETTING them is a godsend.
My short-lived “romance” with an older millionaire ended on the night he took me to dinner and warned the waitress in advance NOT to reject either one of the TWO discount coupons he would be presenting at the end of the meal when the bill arrived. She had apparently demurred the last time. I was afraid to eat my dinner when it arrived as I assumed she got even in the kitchen somehow. If her look didn’t kill perhaps the “secret ingredient” she may have wanted to add, would. Game over. Romance zero. Disgust 10.
oh FB!!! You could have been killed while crossing the road or something.. This is really bad! I just cant wrap my head over the idea of waiting until the child had -9.
I’ve had similar experiences but never to this extent! Now that’s frugality.
Oh wow. I’ve got the same story as you. Except my parents never gave in. My aunt felt so bad for me that she took me herself. Luckily, my eyes were not as bad as yours and were only
-3.00My eyes are now -9.00 and I can’t imagine walking around without glasses or contacts!
I have a cousin who has been cheap all her life, and is still continuing. LOL She thinks she’s being frugal, but ends not being so. One example is when they finally decided to build their dream house. They chose between a more expensive contractor/architect and a cheaper building contractor (read: no architecture experience, no proper engineering background) and chose the cheaper guy. They ended up spending more (90%!!!) than if they went with the ones with experience (and who was expensive mainly because their materials were the best). Their house took almost 3 years to build, when with the first one, 1 year was maximum. Since the building guys weren’t exactly great, they spent their time demolishing wrongly made walls and such. And since my cousin and her husband fancied themselves architects/designers, their house ended up looking like a hodgepodge of styles. She regrets it a lot, but does she learn? Not really…
Another example is when she wanted to put curtains in said new house. She went to the garment district and bought these really cheap drapes, not wanting to wait for the draper. She ended up not using them, because they were unbelievably ugly, even to her eyes. So she paid once for cheap ugly things she would never use, and again for better curtains (but still not the best value for money as right now, not even 6 months in, they are already starting to fray).
I suppose I can’t blame her too much. Her mom used to buy her 4 kids just one bottle of pop for them to share when they were little.
Environment at play here, for sure!!!
I remember my father getting a note when I was in high school saying I needed glasses. Instead of getting them, I had to sit up front in all my classes, because my father wouldn’t take me to the doctor. The first time I got glasses is when I was 18 at my part-time job and I realized the other people I worked with could see farther than me. I made the appointment myself and paid for them out of my own money, but by then I was living on my own any way. I think both my parents were both frugal in some ways and extremely cheap in others. I can remember the very few times I got soda from a fast food restaurant and my mom would get no ice in order to get more soda (if we weren’t eating there).
I don’t think health should be bargained for, yeah maybe buy a cheaper pair of glasses, but don’t wait for them. That reminds me I need to make a doc appointment and get my prescriptions updated 🙂
Holy cow, that’s crazy! -9.00! My eyesight is pretty bad (-3.75 and -5.00). I remember getting glasses in 4th grade.
I also remember college. First semester sophomore year, getting headaches, sitting the front, squinting, got my worst grades ever (more B’s than A’s), then on Christmas break at home, going to see the eye doctor – and realized that my prescription was way out of date. Well, duh, I couldn’t see the board!
I don’t have those crazy stories. Luckily, the eye test is part of my son’s annual checkup.
As an optometrist, I can’t tell you how many kids I see who should have been in glasses for 5+ years before their parents finally bring them in. Most end up with permanent vision loss. There is no excuse! I do make the parents feel bad because it IS their fault for impeding their child’s vision. I’ve been practicing for 11 years, and even I have not seen a child with a first time rx of -9.00. Shame! Kids need glasses starting at -0.75 or -1.00. People should not have kids if they are unwilling to take care of them properly.
Agreed! This would probably technically qualify as neglect 🙁
I forgive my parents of a lot of things because they are ignorant not neglectful..
I have a “thing” about eyes and eye health. Such a “thing” I have, that if someone were credible were to tell me “you need to stop eating chocolate, because that’s what’s making your right eye worse” I’d probably stop (I also have a “thing” about chocolate, in other words I really like it.)
I totally agree with you… permanent vision loss because your parents didn’t get you glasses, should be considered abuse. Like thrown in jail so they can no longer be crappy parents.
It isn’t abuse to me, for the record. 🙂
Wow. -9 is REALLY bad. My cousin is -8 and she “admits” that she’s “blind”. I’m only a -1 and I need glasses to legally drive so I can actually read the signs. I also can’t read the screen in class without my glasses/sitting in the front. Being a -1 is bad enough.
Did you bump into things alot as a kid? My cousin would have if she didn’t have glasses/contacts.
Yikes. I think medical expenses are not the best place to ‘look for a deal’ if you know what I mean. That’s asking for more problems and costs down the road. My parents were frugal but usually came up with a way to make do with what we had. They saved money by cutting off our cable, which lots of people think might be cheap. While I hated it at the time, I think it was a good idea in hindsight because we got out of the house to play way more.
Haha, my dad is super cheap, but he’s not as bad as your dad. The worse thing I remember was he pulled our baby tooth out with a pair of pliers instead going to the dentist. Oh yeah, I had to assist in a home neutering procedure of our dogs…. That was pretty nasty, yuk.
Oh my God! That poor dog! :-s
Oh man that’s terrible. It took my parents a while to figure out I had a vision problem, but once I was diagnosed (age 9) I got them right away!
The only similar story I have is when my parents, after telling me my whole life they were specifically saving for my college, told me at 16 (when I finished high school) they’d spent it because they’d decided women shouldn’t go to college. Thankfully at least I had a lot more opportunity, at 17, to put myself through college (which I did, debt-free!) than a 7 year old does to get themselves glasses 🙁
The 1950’s called and they want your parents back! Glad you were get to college AND graduate debt free!
Good story! I think I was around 14 when my dad ponied up the money for glasses. But my Rx was “only” -5 diopters. How wonderful the trees looked on the way home from picking them up in the mail.
I want to give Little FB a hug!
Well, luckily both my parents have not-so-good eye sight, so when it became clear I needed glasses at the end of elementary school or something, I got them, but of course I didn’t want to wear them! I refused to wear them for a while, until I realized I really needed them to see what was written on the blackboard and so on.
Two years ago I got a lasek operation, which is beyond wonderful! My parents even paid for it, because according to my father this will save me money all those years I won’t need to buy new glasses or new contacts every so often. A few thousand euros now is much much cheaper than for me having to buy glasses every two years until I’m 50 (?) and need glasses for reading? So basically he saved me a bunch of money in the future by ‘investing’ right now in my eyes. Isn’t that nice?
And it is of course beyond wonderful to be able to open your eyes when you wake up and immediately see everything clearly.
I first got glasses in grade two, and before that, I had no idea my vision was blurry. I put them on in the car on the way home from the optometrist’s and yelled “I can see the bristles on the trees!” I’d had no idea what I’d been missing 🙂
My parents were pretty frugal too but I can’t think of any specific stories…
I got my first pair of glasses in the fourth grade. I really didn’t need them (I could see fine) but the optometrist insisted. I didn’t wear them much for years and they were useless by the time I hit high school and really needed the suckers.
Of course by that time my dad figured I was only wanting them as a fashion statement and ignored me. I had to request an eye exam at school and get a letter sent home to convice my father otherwise.
Putting on my glasses each morning is like turning on the world. Just wanted you to know you aren’t the only one with cheap parents. 🙂
I can’t think of any off of the top of my head, but I’m sure I’ve had my fair share, like not spending a dollar or ten on something I really needed. Stupid stuff like that, especially when I was trying to pay off my debt…
Your story reminds me of when I first got glasses in 7th grade. Looking back, I probably needed them starting in fifth, but didn’t notice because the change was so gradual and I made excellent grades even without them. When I first put them on, and could read the traffic signs in the car from the backseat, I exclaimed at how clear everything was and started reading and listing all the things that I could now see that I couldn’t before–I still remember that feeling of marvel and wonder after living so long in blurry shadows. My mom told me later that she felt HORRIBLE for not noticing before that I needed glasses…as if she could know–*I* didn’t even know that I couldn’t see things that I was supposed to!
Anyway, shame on your pops for putting money before your health and well-being! that’s horrible!