I avoid discuss money with co-workers or friends whom I am not very close to (or friends who are not fellow PF bloggers and all-around awesome people).
I never want to hear the words:
“You have a good job & can afford it more than I can, so you shouldn’t complain about paying.”
..come out of their mouths.
I don’t want to get into an argument or do a whole bit of awkward drama.
Quite frankly, I worked hard for my money, and I worked even harder to save it.
When it comes down to it, it simply isn’t a free pass for them just because I make more than they do.
If you think I’m joking, you should read this!
I don’t mind (and love) treating friends, or spotting someone a fiver that I never expect to receive back.
It’s not a big deal as long as it doesn’t happen all the damn time.
So it’s best to avoid situations where someone you don’t really know, or whom you work with, asks you how much you earn or how you spend your money.
I’d rather people assume I’m barely making ends meet than let them know I have anything saved.
Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver.
I cleared $60,000 in 18 months earning $65,000 gross/year.
Now I am self-employed, and you can read more about 
the problem with money ie a token system.. is there arent jobs for everyone, the imbalance of pay, they only lend money to the people who have money, and resources belong to everyone….most crime evolves around money created by the rich…lets face facts.
On my death bed… The best advise I can offer to someone is… Don’t ever loan anyone any money and don’t talk to anyone about the money you have saved… and you won’t lose friends. If you have a relative that needs a hand… if you loan them money… it may work out… but you might think of that money as something you might not get back. It depends on how that person was brought up. If you have to help them out more than once a year and a tax refund isn’t going to you… I would suggest just saying no… no… no…
I will share my money and how I deal with it with anyone. The only way we will ever perform better with our finances is by talking to each other. If you do not talk about your money, no one will be willing to talk to you about theirs. This means you are missing out on a lot of money making and saving ideas. Even people withou money, seem to be too stuck up and private to talk about it. Thesse people will stay in the whole they are in, until they reach out for help. I only make 40,000 a year so I am not talking from an extremely rich person’s point of view, but I do have more money than my peers, mainly because I have learned from others mistakes. I am 27 years old with 42,000 in my bank accouts, and 20,000 in my retirement. Good luck and have fun saving.
In conversations I stick to how frugal I am, and how frugal I have to be. If there is ever a surplus no one will ever know about it except me and my husband.
The fact is: I HAVE to be frugal. I don’t get the choice. If I ever get the choice on how to spend surplus money, generous I will be but protective of the fact.
People will always be either jealous or judgmental of those with surplus, you can typically stay safe by promoting frugality and contentedness in conversation.
True. I feel happy without buying more stuff. I just went through my things
again yesterday and filled a bag of stuff I could donate.
I don’t discuss my salary with coworkers and would be very uncomfortable doing so. If they want to judge me on my brown bag lunches, whatever, I know I’m happy with my salary and lifestyle. I’m more comfortable discussing my salary with my parents and siblings – my parents are a great source of advice. As for friends, if I decline an expensive activity or dinner out and the friend asks if it’s a money problem, I’m comfortable telling them it’s not a money problem, it’s just money management.
We generally don’t discuss our finances with anyone other than our parents. On occasion, my DH will discuss hourly rates with his friends who were former colleagues, but that is to get a feel for what the market can bear.
I’ve always had the impression that it wasn’t done, discussing how much a person made or had saved or whatever. I wouldn’t talk about it to anyone and I certainly wouldn’t ask them what I would consider very nosey questions. I talked about money with my Mom because she taught me how to manage it and she used to to my tax returns. I talked about money with my spouses because we were/are in a partnership that includes financial responsibility even if it doesn’t include combining our accounts. I think the fact that you are so open about your financial situation here is somewhat unusual…but then I don’t know you on a face-to-face basis, and so it’s different…
Now that I work at a bank, my co-workers see my accounts whenever I need them to help me, because obviously I can’t take money out of my own account. Nobody judges each other on how much money we do or don’t have which I really like. I could really care less what they think of me.
When I go out with friends, we usually split the bill. Sometimes I will treat a friend one day or they will treat me. But I’m not that picky. If I know I’m paying then I will purposely pick something cheaper for myself on the menu but I won’t ask my friend to do the same, how rude would that be?!
As for family, I sometimes talk about finances with them but not anything specific about myself. My mom asked me how the stock market works and how she could save more so I explained. My dad asks me banking questions sometimes.
For the most part nobody really knows how much I’ve saved or how much I spend, unless they find my blog, but I don’t post it on my Facebook – just Twitter, but only a few friends follow me and I don’t think they really care much. If I find more people end up reading my blog that I know personally then I will stop talking about details. But even if they were to find out and judge, I could care less. I don’t let things like that get to me. 🙂
I should adopt your attitude.
I don’t mind talking to my friends and others about money on a broad scale, but I leave my personal details out of it.
Most of my friends have an idea that I have more money than them, but they don’t know how much. I want to keep it that way because in the past people think I’m some kind of bank they can run to when they need some cash. Not cool, even if they repay it.
On the same note, I don’t really want to know in detail how much money my more affluent friends have, either. It makes me feel bad about my own situation even though I’m doing the best I can.
I think you really have to use your judgement when talking to friends about money.
`I’m poor and everyone knows it so they don’t bother…but when they hear what company I word for people assume… I don’t stay friends with asses.
I’m super closemouthed about what I make, I’m only willing to discuss my frugal philosophy and the fact that I have a shittonne of financial responsibility to make it clear that I do NOT in fact have money to spend freely so y’all can keep yer comments to yourselves about “just spend it.” But I also don’t spend time with coworkers socially often at all, I very rarely eat lunch with them and never go out with them so there has been very little opportunity for that sort of thing to come up. I’d rather keep it that way.
I’m one of those who brings her lunch all the time, and that’s a HUGE red
flag to many people that I’m “poor”. 🙂 It’s kind of funny.. I just don’t
like eating that junk, so I don’t go out, but they think it’s because of the
money.
I don’t really talk about my finances to ANYONE – well, except my personal banker. My Dad & I will talk about stocks & trading … and he’ll answer any questions I might have, but other than that – we don’t really talk about it. I refuse to talk about money to my mother because she can be a real know-it-all and if I don’t live up to her expectations – yeeaaahh, no dice. If she asks me a question, I answering it (but not really) and change the subject.
My BF and I NEVER talk about money – unless I owe him money. Then he turns into a total asshole & berates me. Example: I’m laving my part-time job at the end of the money to concentrate fully on my business, and he gets all pissed off & says – “You better have money to pay the bills!”. I’ve explained to him how I make my money in my business, and I’d have enough in one week to pay the bills – but apparently that goes in one ear and out the other.
And he doesn’t listen to me when I try to tell him that he should budget so he knows where his money is going – so I totally give/gave up.
This sounds like a pretty toxic relationship! What a jerk, maybe you should reevaluate your relationship with him if he won’t support you!
I started a new job 9 months ago at very close to the bottom of the payscale for my level (it’s a govt job) even though I have 20 yrs experience in engineering, but hey, I was out of work, needed a job, and this one was offered! Grateful to have the work, you know? So I packed up my van, moved 400 miles away to another state and camped in a tent in a campground for the first two months because I couldn’t yet afford an apartment. Thank God it was summe!
Sometime during the first week one of my coworkers (his job is 4 levels lower but he’s got 25 years in at his job) started explaining the “pay for performance” program and showed me a spreadsheet on how he figures his bonus each year. Mind you, I did not ASK for him to explain all this to me – he just did, and I was too polite (being new to that office dynamic and all…) to tell him I really didn’t give a flying fig about the bonus program He had HIS salary filled in already and mady a HUGE point of saying “OOPS, HOW DID MY SALARY GET IN THERE?” So, right off I know he’s an ass…
This is the same gou that sits on the phone long distance, on the clock, with his 90-yr old mother every day. Talks to her broker asking why Mom was charged a $10 fee on her account…sits and gossips with guys from other departments, wondering when the 20% management cuts are going to hit. Not soon enough…
I have learned to focus on my job, my work, and where I want to go in the company. I can’t worry about him, or the fact that he makes $16k more a year than me for doing much less work. Yes, it irks me. Can I do anything about it? No, so why dwell? All I can do is my best – which seems to be enough. I’ve gotten exceptional reviews from my boss, and the plant manager often stops by my desk to ask my opinion on stuff. I truly love my job. The pay is nice and is paying my bills. This other guy knows what I’m making, I’m sure – his best “bud” was on the hiring committee for me so I’m sure they know my entire resume and all the details of my offer. Does it really matter? No, not really. He’s a jerk, hoping that letting me know how much more he makes will what, upset me? Not when I just had to cut 60 jobs elsewhere in the plant. That’s upsetting. We could hire two plant people for what this guy is paid.
I only discuss money with a trusted few. People who I know will be happy that I am paying off my student loans and will encourage me to be stable and stay focused. My family isn’t great with money. I also have some extended family that I do not want to ever help (borrowing money for the water bill and then have incredibly expensive cars).
I randomly get that type of advice from colleagues but I try to ignore them. It’s none of their business how I spend my money (or don’t)!
My mother encountered that with a friend a few years back. Her friend told her that not everyone was as lucky and she and my dad are (because, in their 50s, they have enough money to do just about whatever they want). Friends like that forget how frugal my parents were for most of their lives (oh the crap cars we had when I was a kid, no cable tv–and a black and white one for a long time, no A/C–and it is hot and humid here!). We lived on a very tight budget to say the least. Some people like to think that it is luck because that gives them an excuse for not having done as well, I guess. My husband and I are middle class, some of our friends have more money than us; some have less. Don’t know that I have ever experienced the “oh, you can pay for it.”
I suppose I get this sometimes. Usually from people who make a little more than I do, because they spend more than I do.
However, having a house (that is now worth $200k less than we paid for it) and a kid means that most people are unlikely to tell me that “you can afford it!” My boss is frugal like me, and we both wax poetic about bringing our lunches. In fact, he took a last minute anniversary trip to Italy with his wife, in part because he’s carried his lunch for 30 years.
I had a talk today with my engineer about being frugal. I mentioned that I usually try very hard to cook healthy, cheap dinners, but next week my hubby is traveling, and I’m either going to buy a pre-cooked chicken or get healthy frozen meals from Trader Joe’s. He mentioned that they are expensive. I said “depends on how many meals you stretch it into”. Then we got into a conversion about what is expensive/frugal for a meal, and he said “well, frugal for an Asian or…” then he faded away because he didn’t know how to say it without sounding stereotypical. But his family is originally Japanese and I gathered he thinks that Asians tend to spend less on food than Americans. I mentioned that my typical annual grocery bill is pretty low for 3 people. (THough it’s gone up since I’ve started buying grass fed beef and chicken.) The single biggest expense in my grocery budget is organic produce, and we eat a lot of it, and I’m not going to cut back there. Anyway, rambling a bit but it’s nice to have people who understand your frugality at work.
I’m kind of one of those that doesn’t think it’s a good thing to hide your light totally under a bushel. Does it mean I’ll lose some people? Yeah. Were they great friends? Maybe not.
I recently had a friend ask if I would bridge them a loan to buy a motorhome (they’re deeply in debt). I said no, because I’d have to sell some stock. Not strictly true, but it didn’t surprise me since they also ask me to pay for things on occasion just because I earn more. Excuse me because I stayed in school and you didn’t. I am a little tired of their assuming that I’ve been so “lucky” – not that I haven’t, but they weren’t sitting there putting in 16 hour days with me either.
I avoid talking about money/salary, politics, religion, and any other controversial topics. I’ve seen how money talk between friends gets very touchy and tense and so I avoid talking to most people about it.
I don’t know if I’ve ever experienced it, but as I recently started making my financial matters more transparent to the world through blogging (in an attempt to be more accountable to myself), I wouldn’t be surprised if I suffered the same criticism eventually. I am sure I’ve likely been guilty of it before when I was struggling to get my footing in the world and barely able to pay bills. But it’s that experience that makes me want to be frugal now that I’m comfortable, put as much money into savings and retirement as a possibly can, and be 100% conscious of where I’m throwing my
hard earned
money now.
I absolutely hate how people judge me on my daily financial decisions. They think I’m poor because I rent. But then they think I’m rich if I rent an expensive condo.
They get snarky when I don’t want to eat out often cos they think I’m being cheap. But then are like WOW when I spend my savings (from not eating out) on something I love like an expensive pair of shoes.
It’s really annoying. People need to stop judging.
I get this too sometimes but not by talking about money with anyone. I do closely monitor several stock sectors and read company reports daily both for competitive edge for my company which sells to those and for my own financial interests in the form of investing the money I have saved. I may sometimes mention how companies are doing or new innovative products like recently telling my coworker who’s husband makes solar cells about the cool new film 3M is going to produce to replace the heavy glass in solar panels etc.
So people think with this knowledge I have a huge pile of money laying around from stocks and can afford to pay for everything. Yes I do pretty good in the markets but most of this money is in retirement accounts. They dont understand that assets I cant touch till I’m 60 does not help me pay for things now 😉
I was the laughing the whole time when I was reading your story about your brother!
I’ve never been asked for money, but I think its because of my age. At 25, family and friends alike are all assuming that that I’m either spending recklessly or struggling to get by. I’m sure when I’m older, they’ll be at my door, waiting for a handout. If I’m in the position to give, I plan on giving. If not, then I’ll let them know that I can’t.
Most of my friends thinks I’m poor when I turn down invites but when I spend they think I’m wasteful it’s a really confusing group I run with they are also really noisy when it comes to how much I make or what I have which i never discuss because frankly it’s none of their business. Overall they all think they are better then me because they also spring for the best of the best when it comes to “things”
Totally agree on “work even harder to save it”. It’s exactly how I feel. Thank you.
It’s also awkward when you know you make much less than someone, but they’ve saved nothing and you’ve saved a mint. This, too, is why I stay quiet about my savings successes, except for the closest.
Ditto. I only talk to people who already know about how I approach money, or
are interested in it. Others.. no 🙂
Yeck yes I’ve encountered this! With my cousin, all the time. I have no money – like at all – but I still have more than she does, and she tries to exploit that sometimes. I just tell her i’m broke, which is the truth,, and go on my merry way.
The only thing I can’t keep is from my parents. Who JUST asked me for
$20,000 to go on vacation
*rolls eyes*
I agree with some of this. I’m ok to talk about my budgets but I don’t tend to mention my savings because I don’t want more to be expected of me because I have them and I don’t want to get into arguments about my choice to live on my meagre (but still comfortable for me) income instead of using savings.
The older post that came up as a related post called ‘You’ve got the money, spend it!’ describes my main reason for being secretive (thankfully) as I don’t think I have any scroungy friends/family! Though maybe they’ve just not appeared yet because most assume I’m fairly broke!
I get a little of the ‘spend it’ from bf who knows what savings I have whenever I say ‘Ooooh’ at something pretty. He totally doesn’t get the idea of girls enjoying just looking at pretty jewellery & things (even food!) without buying anything! Sometimes it can be good to help me treat myself but I think I’d go mad if I got that from everyone.
Oh yes that’s right 🙂 I wrote that post when someone had told me one too
many times that I could afford something, but in my mind I couldn’t 😛
I think the attitude changed when I started making more money, but I’ve been
fairly good at not talking about it with anyone but my mom and on the
blog… or with BF.
If I mentioned it to my siblings, it’d be another world of questions.
Gotta say, I was shocked with your brother when I read the steak buying story! Seems like a whole huge bubble of his cheapness induced rage finally burst and I’m glad you got your way!
These things seem to get more complicated as you get older. Right now my friends & I have fairly similar lifestyles and generally go for pub meals where we all pay for ourselves. I can see how there could be problems when our incomes & tastes separate out a bit. Ah, what perils does adulthood have instore for me 😛