Stellar post by Revanche: Generational Poverty, and how she manages to ‘keep going’ in terms of saving money.
Personally, I never want to go back to my college days.
Working 80-100 hour weeks, school 40 hours a week, sleeping a few hours a night, and still slaving over a checkbook scraping the pennies together at the end of every pay period, under a tiny lamp light.
That was miserable. But memories of personal misery fade.
The memories of my mom and all she’s sacrificed for me.
The memories of how hard she worked, how determined she was to lift herself and her family out of their dirt-grubbing poverty.
Those ghosts are in my marrow, my tissue, the air I breathe.
I can relate to her, which is why she is such a good friend but also a fabulous blogger to read.
I’d also suggest reading:
- Sandy of Yes I am Cheap’s post: I grew up poor and survived
- Fabulously Fru-Girl’s own account of growing up poor
- Daisy’s From Rags to Riches Part One (Part Two is unwritten)
My parents grew up in poverty
I don’t talk about this much, and I say “middle-class” when you ask me how I grew up, but it came to be mostly by my father winning the lottery.
However, when my parents were kids, they grew up dirt poor.
I am not talking like they had barely enough to eat, I mean they had nothing to eat at all on some days.
My mom had to beg for food, and even steal it from houses where they’d dump it into a bowl outside for the cats or dogs to eat.
She tells me of how ashamed she still is to this day, to have stolen food from an animal.
My father had to deal with a rumbling tummy every night, and then force himself awake at 5 a.m. to get to class to try and pay attention when all you can think about are the ravenous wolves eating your belly.
Local people took pity on them and fed them as they could, and they even received help from western countries that we now live in: they were given powdered milk in huge bags for instance.
But with so many children in the families (19 on each side), you had to get into bloody fistfights for food, but would ultimately lose if you were the youngest and therefore, the weakest and the smallest.
Survival of the fittest.
Now, the fattest, as my mom jokes.
She says because she had nothing to eat as a child, it’s the reason why she’s “overweight” (I think she looks fine, considering she was skin and bones before.)
They managed to make it out of poverty, but never learned how to manage their money — who was there to teach them?
I also held a job while going to school
I didn’t grow up in poverty, or even lower middle-class to have the same kind of pressure Revanche did.
She also has to deal with a deadbeat loser of a brother, and my siblings are thankfully well-adjusted for the most part, working good jobs and staying out of trouble.
I can relate to working full-time while going to school (40 hours work, 40 hours school), but not to the extent of Revanche, and I had it easier, having lines of credit and student loans to help me.
I had to work full-time because tuition was $20,000 a year and my father basically lived off the lottery money, gambling it, working odd jobs here and there, and taking it easy for most of his life. My mom went back to school full-time while raising us kids (ranging from ages 6 – 15), and finally landed a good job.
My parents never saved a dime for me from that jackpot, even though they promised they would pay for my tuition or at least give me something towards it.
I felt betrayed by their lies when it was time to pay for college and they pretended they hadn’t said a word.
Ultimately please understand that I don’t care that they didn’t save any money for me because it worked out for the best, having student loans and learning how to get out of debt to take charge of my money at an early age.
You just do what you have to do
Revanche absolutely REFUSES to go back to what she went through before, which is why she’s such a careful penny pincher these days (girl keeps me in check!).
I just do what I have to do to get to where I want to be and I have a goal and a plan to get there.
Fortunately (or unfortunately) I am disconnected from that poverty my parents grew up in, which means I don’t have that motivation to stay out of the bread lines to do what I do.
Instead, my motivation is to never live or act like my parents.
I don’t want to lie to my kids, telling them I have money saved for them when I don’t.
I want my kids to learn early on, those money lessons I learned later in life (not much later thank goodness, but still, a lost 13 years of money mismanagement!)
I don’t want to waste or squander my money by being lazy and too easygoing about my financial future, but I appreciate that my parents valued life & their time.
I don’t want to end up as the clueless woman in the house who has no idea what anything costs and doesn’t know how to manage a budget.
I want to be financially secure, and to see my money saved last me more than just months, but years so that I have that peace of mind of not needing to work, living paycheque to paycheque.
I’ll still work of course, but I want to have savings so no one can tell me what to do with my life and to not have to worry about whether or not I’ll have food tomorrow.
After a while, it gets easier to be frugal
It really does.
I don’t have that frugal bone in my body and I am not really a saver by nature. I’m a spender! 😛
(Hence the constant internal struggle to not spend, and to save)
I’m trying to make it grow but I think I should just work with what I’ve got.
I keep myself in check by managing my money with a budget by tracking my expenses, and I connect with other like-minded, money managers (also known as bloggers).
I am inspired by bloggers like Revanche, and not only that, by my readers. (THANK YOU!)
I am now on the path to making sure I don’t repeat my parents’ mistakes, and it even makes me happy to know that I enjoy saving my money now, and I have the money to do the things I want to do in life.
Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver.
I cleared $60,000 in 18 months earning $65,000 gross/year.
Now I am self-employed, and you can read more about 
I can totally relate to this article as well. The fear of going back to poverty and working ridiculous hours scares the crap out of me. I technically could exit the workforce for a while to be a SAHM, but I’m so fearful of having to scrounge money again. The dread of going back into poverty is very real and it’s an incredible motivator.
College is expensive so I understand why you felt hurt that your parents didn’t help you pay. I don’t blame you. I think its better for parents to be honest and admit they can’t pay or won’t pay rather than lie to the kid. I think its important to learn from our parents mistakes and do better with the next generation. I think it would help if you talked to your parents about this in a reasonable voice where neither of you feel like you’re being attacked. Just present your pov in a diplomatic way and see what they say.
Thanks so much for the link and sharing your story.
That’s amazing that you and Revanche worked full-time while in school full-time.
The only lesson about money I learned from my parents was “Money doesn’t grow on trees.” That’s it, that’s all. Everything I’m learning about money management is ALL from reading personal finance blogs (such as yours) and reading as much as I can about how to make a budget, get out of debt, etc….
It feels empowering to work my way out of debt and into savings; moreso than I would imagine how it feels to get handed thousands from the ‘rents. I am proud of myself and you have lots of reasons to be, too!
I did not grow up poor just average in Vietnam standard, compared to USA, we’d have been poor. We did not own a house, car, or tv. My parents were natural minimalist going through the vietnam war. We had foods on the table everyday, but not luxuries, like movies, vacations or expensive clothes. We were so happy though. Now that I am middle class according to American standard, but I can not recall feeling that happy like I was experiencing in my childhood. It’s time to change my lifestyle, I want to happiness to return to me.
My parents also grew up poor. I am not sure exactly how poor but my dad had to drop out of school to work and support his brothers and sisters through school. But then it sounds like when you are poor, the family comes together. Most of the stories I hear are about the things they got up to seeing as they came from a big family. I suppose the background of being poor helps one’s outlook on life. I suppose that’s why they can be such packrats, it would’ve been unimaginable to throw out perfectly good things then.
I grew up poor by US standards, my parents poorer. Rural and Catholic, they had 6 and 8 siblings (I have 8 siblings). They were lucky to be rural, so at least their families could hunt and garden, keep a couple of chickens or some pigs or a cow. But they still went hungry sometimes. When my father died, we found a bag in his closet with his WWII uniform. He was 18. I cannot believe how small it was.
Compared to most people my age (40), I grew up pretty poor. Most people in the US anyway. My Indian friends were wealthier, but my Chinese, Malaysian, or Vietnamese friends were definitely poorer than me growing up. I put myself through college (thank you US Navy).
I save for security. My standard of living is way higher than it was growing up. My father died happy, and managed to save $40,000 in 15 years of retirement. On social security ($175/month) and working for friends. That’s pretty impressive (and shows me where I get it). If you keep your needs low, it will always be easier to get by. I don’t want to struggle when I’m older, and I don’t want to be a burden to my child either.
My parent also dealt with some poverty when they were growing up. My dad was orphaned at a young age and had to fight to go to school and get food. I never had to deal with that level of problem, but we were never really rich growing up. My dad has his faults, but now that I’m older I realized he did the best he could. Everything turned out OK for me and I realize it could have taken a turn for the worse at many points. 😉
That image of the statue person escaping from the wall is really poignant. I put myself through school too and my parents never taught me anything about money. Really trying to change my family’s story. 🙁
Thanks for linking to my article. I wasn’t sure how much to share so, I stopped at high school, but the article really resonated with people. I don’t think that anyone likes to admit that they grew up poor, especially if they have risen above poverty. I think of the way that I grew up as such a good lesson on what not do.
All stories here are truly inspiring. Thanks so much for sharing.
One of the thing that really motivates me is your point about the clueless woman – I don’t want to be like that either. I would love to break the cycle of single mom no money in my family – despite that my mom did an amazing job raising us in luei of the circumstances. What I think is so amazing about everyones story is that, frequently, people that don’t have money just don’t go to school. You guys all worked so hard to pay for your own, so that’s really great.
P.s. thanks for the link. Here’s part 2 – probably slipped through your radar! 🙂
http://add-vodka.blogspot.com/2011/02/my-life-part-2-family-drama.html
Wow, kindred spirits! I too worked 30-50 hours a week while going to school full time. I graduated with zero student loans but some credit card debt, which I paid off last year when I got serious about the Dave Ramsey plan.
My parents also told me they’d saved money for my college but spent it on a house they built while I was in high school (which they had to sell within two years because they were in over their heads). They would tell you they believe in good money principles but they haven’t lived it out. I don’t want to be them!
40 hours work, 40 hours school… wow.
I’m considering getting a part time job next year during school, and I think I can do that as long as I plan ahead and start studying every day earlier in the semester. But I don’t think I could do a full time job. I need my 8 hours of sleep or at least 6.5 hours then “catch up” on the weekend.
Really great article as always, but I wanted to let you know Daisy has written her Part 2
http://add-vodka.blogspot.com/2011/02/my-life-part-2-family-drama.html