I don’t know if I did. You tell me.
I had such a rough work day today.
I got GRILLED, y’all. GRILLED like this piece of corn:
I still I have the grill marks on my back to prove it too. 😛
It isn’t all fun and games, even though I love my job and I want you all to know that.
Being a consultant means you are under far more pressure to perform because they’re paying you to dance like a monkey, and when you go through a day like I did, you sometimes have to step back and look at the big picture.
Basically, I got blamed for stuff I didn’t know even existed — they never told me!
Now before you all jump over me saying: Hey but it’s your job to know!…
I would like to gently point out that consultants are people that:
- you call on an irregular basis
- are new to the whole company
- are new to your procedures
- have to learn everything you’ve known for 20+ years from scratch.
- …….In 6 months.
Being the consultant who is taking their money, I kept my mouth shut and let them rain down on me. I also took the high road and didn’t point out the obvious that they simply didn’t provide me with the information, so really.. they’re blaming themselves indirectly.
Or that they were the ones who already agreed to everything and now are telling me I missed something from the task they gave me.
Over every single little ‘no big deal’ sort of “error”, they totally made a mountain out of a molehill.
I swear to you, I feel like I am in Switzerland right now, surrounded by these mountains built over nothing.
After the meeting, I sat back in my chair, a little shell shocked and took a deep breath.
Here’s what I learned throughout handling this rough meeting:
Pick your battles
Is this going to matter in 10 minutes, 10 hours, 10 days or 10 years?
If it is something worth fighting for, then fight.
If it isn’t then just let it slide off your back no matter how hard it hurts.
This is not worth fighting over because you have to deliver customer service with a smile.
Grit your teeth and try to smile
This one was painful. I was so hurt, angry, frustrated.. it’s hard to smile through that.
Take a deep breath. A DEEP BREATH DAMN IT.
Just remember that people who fight over nothing, don’t have anything
Generally, I’ve found that people who are very aggressive, antagonistic, hard to work with, not at all kind or pleasant, tend not to be people who know their jobs.
Sad to say, but true. When you fight over everything and anything that isn’t a big deal in the end, you don’t know what’s really important.
I don’t know the whole story
Maybe a death happened in the family recently, or he/she had a bad day. I don’t know the whole story all I know is that their aggression is making me react in like.
Don’t take it personally
99% of what I did is good. They’re nitpicking.
And you know what? It kind of worked. Not the smiling, but the remembering that they’re nitpicking.
They’re searching out, trying to find and nail you to the cross with the flaws they think are such huge freaking deals.
They may even be upset that they can’t really find anything to get angry about.
At the end of the day, what do I care? I’m doing a good job and that’s all that matters.
Really, there are ways to criticize without being rude
They weren’t all bad, but it didn’t help that the head honcho was in the room and she was the WORST OF THEM ALL.
Everyone was taking a cue from her and totally laying the stick down on me. They were ALL AGGRESSIVE. Frothing at the mouth almost.
She was really all up in my face, staring at me, totally aggressive and saying very loudly: SO YOU DIDN’T DO YOUR JOB THEN.
Well technically, no. But you didn’t do yours either.
There are ways to say something without being rude.
You can say: So just a quick question — did you think about X, Y and Z?
Then they can say: Oh no. Is that something important? Can you explain it to me?
See how easy that was?
In contrast, saying: So basically you’re telling me you didn’t do your job AT ALL? You didn’t even think about X, Y and Z!
A lot more aggressive, no?
Still, it hurts. Just less so as time wears on.
I really need to work on that grit my teeth and smile thing. I also need to learn how to stop reacting to aggression with aggression.
It’s just so hard in the heat of the moment with people interrupting you, yelling at you, getting all frothy-mouthed and up in your face to be able to go into a Ghandi pose and go to your special place.
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I have such a telling face that it is really difficult, at times, to maintain a stoic epxression under an onslaught like that. That is something that I really have to work on as I head into the corporate world! I have worked for mostly small companies and in those environments, it isn't necessarily the end of the world if you show anger, frustration or vulnerability. However, I know that in the corporate world you have to portray a bit of a tougher persona.
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I agree that it depends on the company and the size. The bigger they are, the less you can be emotional because you don\’t know who\’s watching.
I think you're right that there's no need to point out to them that they're rude. They either a) know that already but won't admit or b) will use you pointing it out (aka "being a bitch") as justification of them treating you badly.
The smiling and nodding thing is SO hard. So so hard. If you made it through this situation without breaking down, then congratulations to you, that's a big accomplishment when people are yelling at you.
This summer I worked for a boss who absolutely never yelled or told you you did something dumb. If you messed up, she pointed it out as if it were perfectly okay, and we all knew enough to know that we shouldn't have made that mistake in the first place and we'd be more careful later. No belittling, yelling, or stern sit-down needed. It was kind of amazing to see how that really works, since most bosses feel like they need to be "firm" or chew you out for a mistake to make sure it doesn't happen again.
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I agree. You just point something out quietly, calmly and everything is fine. There\’s no need to be antagonistic about it.
One of my goals in life is to move to consulting work… but dealing with stuff like this I hate. I'm not a fan of confrontation, and I'm (currently) used to calling out people who tend to be slackers/stupid/idiots. But that doesnt work in a consulting role so much. D'oh
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🙁 It\’s one of the nasty things of being in consulting.
I feel ya. And although I didn't have a bad day at work this particular day, all of your suggestions on how to handle these situations in the work place can also be used in a persons personal life. I like to try and think things over before I react to any situation.
Great post!
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I try to think things over, but I'm a lot more impulsive..
And to think, I thought I coined the phrase "Money dance" at work…
I know where you are coming from though. For a short period of time, I was self-employed as a computer consultant in the distant past.
I even thought about tape recording conversations, but even that idea would be a lose-lose scenario for me. Although it would prove that I was in the right, it would just piss them off…
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Exactly. To prove them right would make things worse. So you shut up and focus on what\’s important: Are they going to call you back?
Sorry about the bad day! I try to be nice to everyone even the jerks at work. It has got to be tough being a consultant and viewed as an outsider (?).
I'll add my recent awkward experience. Every year I go through this "career development" discussion with my manager and when ever I get a new manager it's always pretty awkward. This new guy is a bit younger than me and he is a first time manager so he has no credential with me what so ever. Anyway, I can't just come out and tell him I'm planning to quit in a few years and he can take this career and shove it. So yeah, it was an awkward dance with a lot of BS enthusiasm, pretty sad really.
ps. My last manager which I liked was fired right before Christmas 2009 and that just sealed my opinion of this corporation.
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Well I should note that just because he\’s young doesn\’t mean he\’s awful 🙂 I\’m young too, so I get a bit of age discrimination happening.
He is a good guy, but he's new to the job and just learning so that's why he has no credibility. I'm still bitter about my old manager getting fired too. so….
ps. come see my directorial debut!!!!
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Oh I see. He needs more experience then 🙂
Too bad about your old manager 🙁
Damn. That sucks dude. I worked with a lady like that, everyone else was cool except for her, she would nitpick constantly. I finally confronted her, I should have gone to the manager but I didn't. Well I'm at a new company now that resolves these types of things immediately and I like working there. I'm not a professional accountant yet but I'm getting tired of the corporate grind. I do customer service at an office cubicle.
I now see why people give up corporate life and become writers or open up bed and breakfasts. But the truth is even when people leave their corporate gigs, they still have to deal with other people, different problems, etc. Life constantly throws you challenges. I realize you're a consultant but you also need to be treated with dignity.
Don't let people walk all over you. I wanted to be the nice girl when I was growing up and didn't really stand up for yourself, but as an adult I've had to deal with adult bullies and you do need to stand up for yourself. Don't just nod and smile and think they can let you push you around. Chances are if this person thinks they can get away with it once, then they'll probably try again.
There's a difference between being a professional and being bullied. So I disagree with your advice about just smiling and nodding. I completely disagree. You can still be a professional and let them know what they did was wrong. Yes you're a consultant but don't you let them push you around like dirt. I feel very passionate about this subject because I was bullied growing up.
It sounds to me like this person just railed on you and to me that's just wrong. Sure you're a consultant, but so what, you're a person too and you deserve to be treated like a real person. I don't care if you're a consultant, being a professional means treating others with respect, or being civil even if you don't like them. What I've found ironic is that no matter where I've worked at no job is secure.
No matter what you do. CEO (yes they get replaced all the time), customer service (which is what I do), and other professionals. Everyone and anyone can be on shaky ground. Maybe this person felt like they could rail on you and make you feel insecure because you weren't a full-time employee, and that you wouldn't take action against them. I think you need to stand up for yourself and not let them abuse you.
People will try to make you feel bad as if your job is on shaky ground, just remember new jobs can always be found. I'm sure there is some company out there who will be lucky to have you. Sorry for going on and on about that.
I agree there\’s a difference between being a consultant and being bullied, but it was not the time or the place to tell them off. All you can do in that situation (it\’s a strange relationship) is tell the executive of THEIR team what they did, and they\’ll take it from there.
You can\’t fight back because it isn\’t worth it.
Well I hope things go better for you. I really do. Good luck. 🙂
Thanks Jaime!
Is there ever a point where you say to hell with the client and the money and quit? Oooo, or can you talk to the boss lady and tell her she upset you?
No and no. 🙂
The project is too close to going live and my actual team is great, but the people I deal with from their side outside of our team is not.
You never say no to the money, because it was just one bad day out of 6 months. You have to take it as a consultant and it\’d be unprofessional just to quit whenever someone yells at you. There\’s a project and a client who really want you to stay, and that\’s the first thing to take care of, not some petty crap.
And you can\’t talk to the boss because they\’re not your boss. I do have the head on my team, and he was pretty upset they were rude, although he can\’t do much except keep it in mind and remember to handle them differently in the future.
My manager is one of those 'constant crisis' people….who cannot sit still for a minute, and stresses everyone around him. Being in retail, the holiday season was absolutely awful- higher traffic, longer register lines, product moving more quickly, bringing on more staff to train, and having to work under a manager like that made for very long, stressful days.
That said, like you mention above, it's pointless to fight or get upset over it at all…because really, it doesn't matter.
Exactly.
For me, it really doesn\’t matter even more in the end, because we \’fixed\’ all of their issues in record time, and I\’m charging them money to yell at me.
Well, wow. I don't know what I would do since I've never had that happen to me. I suppose I'd be counting the days. I know you say that you won't remember it 10 days, 10 years or whatever from now – but you will. It won't matter, but you will remember it.
I actually won\’t remember it. It wasn\’t THE worst thing I\’ve been through.
sorry to hear about it. you handled it gracefully. I've been through this kind of situations before when I was in my 20s. I was fresh out of college, and just got my full time job, and I had this Ahole man as a boss (rude, and BAD temper.) I put up with him for 2 years, then later I got a witch as a boss, she's worse than the ahole. I was mad when I experienced those. No one deserves such treatment. I changed jobs several times and each time the salary gets better. I am now in my early 30s, and I look back to those years, I realize that it was no biggie. I've also got really nice boss too like now. This world is small, I ran into the ahole 2 years ago, he came to my company. I had a revenge, when I was introduced, I pretended that I did not recognize him LOL, now he's very nice, and I already forget about our woes in the past. My advice is that no matter how horrible it is, it's just a career/job for living. We always have a choice to choose better. At the end of the day, it's our mental/physical health, family and friends, that are #1 priority. Anything else is not important.
I'm sorry this happened to you, but you gave great advice on what to do in situations like these!
My favorite one is under "Pick You Battles" – Is this going to matter in 10 minutes, 10 hours, 10 days or 10 years?
This is so true! Life is too short and certain things are not worth your stress.
FB,
I needed this post about 2 months ago when I was about one fly's wing away from being carried out by security. I'm not even kidding you, I am printing this post out and carrying it around with me. I understand you're a consultant, but don't be surprised if these people treat their full time employees that way either.
Amazing post!
Wow, that sucks. Thankfully I got out of that sort of work environment, no one should have to put up with that sort of behaviour. I suppose the nice thing about being a consultant is that you can choose not to work for them again, though as you pointed out earlier you like your job. Did you talk to them about the issue after everyone settled down? Or are you going to do it later?
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I'm sorry you got grilled…Been there! It's so hard not to take it personally. It's true that people who nitpick are usually the ones who can't see the forest for the trees, bless their insecure little hearts.
Very hard. Luckily I have an awesome team who supported me. The executive was kind of pissed off they were so rude to us.
It may be "stereotypically female" of me, but I don't do well in these types of situations; direct, angry confrontation where I'm the one getting the stick makes me instantly burst into tears. Not because I'm that upset because I immediately wind myself into a frustrated ball for not being able to express my thoughts (and for being misunderstood). I can't help it!
That being said, I think you dealt with this in the best way possible. You didn't flip out, you held your ground, and you didn't get fired. I can definitely understand the leftover emotions, though, and it's amazing to me that you were able to hold it in until safely out of range. Do I get to be proud of you for holding up? Cos if I do, I am. <3
I tried NOT to flip out. You know me. And I know myself. Getting someone hostile and angry in your face is an easy way for me to get angry back (I have a fast temper and a quick mouth).
I need to learn how to zen out.
Ellie, I totally get where you're coming from. The minute conflict arises, it's like I can't speak without choking up and shedding some tears.
I don't know how people smile and talk through it, because I cannot fake my way past the stupid crying response yet.
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Awww….*hug*….at least u had some yogurt afterwards….:) some people are just like that, they feel good about themselves if they are able to find out that someone's wrong and can "prove" themselves. That woman you were talking about is one of those type of people.
I have a coworker like that too. She's so quick at jumping on the mistakes people make and keeps egging on it. Not only that, she's loud and obnoxious in an OPEN office. I wish I can wear earmuffs everyday @__@
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LOUD and OBNOXIOUS. Those are the worst.
Maybe earplugs?
This seems appropriate right about now:
http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2010/05/18/t…
Purrrrfect. 🙂
I work for myself, so it can be challenging to NOT talk back to the client even though they deserve it. Gotta shut up and take it… but I\’ll employ those tactics.
Hi Fabulous!
Great post. You raise some great points. I run into these problems on weekly basis with my boss/owner/president, whatever you might want to call him. He is a) insecure in him self b) controlling c) loves to hover over you, aside from that I truly enjoy my job and the people I work with. Needless to say, we butt heads on weekly basis, because if there is something to do, consider it done, don't need anyone hovering over me. Over the years we've had some good run-ins, he apologized for some things he said, I apologized for other things, but mostly we let it go. The blowup happens and than he backs off for a while.
Key I think is to believe in what you do, take pride in it and stand behind it, not matter what anyone says. At the end of the day, there will always be nit-picking for whatever reason.
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I just want to hug you! I feel like I've had the worst week of my professional career (or at least in the top 10 this week) and that includes being held responsible for things I just could not have been aware of – you just can't know what you don't know! What makes it even worse for me is the week before Christmas I turned down a job offer b/c it was identical to what I make now with less vacation. Been kicking myself all week!
*HUG* I hope things pick up for you Jenn. This was a tough week for both me and you.
You really just can\’t know what you don\’t know, and you have to take your lumps sometimes.
So sorry that they were that nasty to you, sweetie! Some people are just …. doucebags. Hehe. Luckily, with my part-time job right now – I can play stupid if I forget to do something. I usually can get away with that with my boss. lol.
That sounds brutal FB! I’m sorry you had such a rough go. Touch wood, I haven’t had any big problems at work lately, since I’ve mostly managed to stop working with a particular person. She doesn’t work for my emPloyer, but we worked closely for a couPle of years, until she got ticked that I disagreed (respectfully!) with a decision she made (that she shouldn’t have-it was my call to make). She started personally attacking me, threatening me, making things up that I didn’t say… It was bizarre and distressing. I had to consult lawyers to cover myself it was such a wacky situation. I took the high road a number of times, but when she demanded an apology from me
I told my boss that I would not apologize. It would be tantamount to admitting guilt, which could have lost me my license ultimately (worst case scenario), and there was no way i was actually guilty. Thankfully my boss totally backed me up, but I was ready to find a new job and never look back. I’ve wracked my brain to figure out what I could do differently but really, all I’ve ever come up with is to not disagree with this woman, which would have been more unethical than the course I took. Anyway, I think your tips are bang on-if I’d responded with aggression, things would have escalated further and faster. I hope your day is a lot better today!
Sometimes you just can\’t do anything differently. They\’re just out for blood.
This is the first post I've ever read here and let me just say you are incredibly inspiring (and I'm going to read your back-blog right away!)
Big picture thinking is hard but the points in your post are so positive given such a negative encounter – kudos. You've done an incredible job describing your productive thought process in the face of such rudeness. If someone cannot abide by the "treat others as you would like to be treated" rule then ya gotta wipe your hands clean because the problem is always bigger than just you.
Aww thank you.
I really think the only thing that helped was that I was partly sick (and not on my game) and I kept quiet, and tried not to respond aggressively.