When I dress in sweatpants and a sweatshirt, I am treated differently than if I have makeup on and decent clothing.
I find that if I dress up more, people are more likely to…
- hold the doors open for me (I do not take offense to that, it’s a just a kind gesture)
- be polite
- smile and smile back
- give you a seat if you look like you have a lot of stuff
It’s just interesting that we preach that judging based on appearances is considered shallow or only something an uneducated person would do.
Not so.
I consider myself educated, and I judge based on appearances.
I do!
And you do too to some extent, I’m sure.
Judging doesn’t always mean that it is a bad thing or I will feel negative about someone every time I judge.
It’s just an action to me, but many people take it with a negative connotation like: “She’s judging me again”.
The thing that I think we have to be careful to say is:
I judge based on appearances, but it is not everything I look for in a person to determine who they are.
I also judge their personality, whether they’d open a door for someone, give up their seat to an elderly, disabled or pregnant person, how they treat a cashier and so on.
I read somewhere that within 5-10 minutes, people judge rapidly if they will like a person, trust them or feel what is called “chemistry”; both with men and women.
So as enlightened as we’re trying to become, by ignoring appearances,we all judge in one way or another.
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Everyone judges, its part of our humanity, I don't think that judging people is necessarily bad, for example if you see some creep coming towards you, you should get into your car and get away, that's a type of judgment. I went to the gas station this past weekend, there was some weird creepy guy looking at everyone in this creepy way, ugh. I was so happy that my bf was with me at the gas station.
Women have done this when they have gotten away from rapists. Men do this when they try to get away from thugs who want to pick fights for no reason.
Yeah I don't know why feminists take offense to men opening doors, I open doors for my bf, he holds them open for me too, and we do it to others as well, because we try to treat people with respect. I will admit I usually like friends who are hygienic and have good character and we have stuff in common.
I think apperances do count. If you're seen out in public with your pajamas or sweatpants on and hair up in a bun, yes, you are going to be thought of as sloppy. ( Sorry!) I know that and I still tend to dress like that sometimes when going out in public to the grocery store. If you're dressed in nice clothes, with your hair and makeup down, you are going to be seen as someone that cares about your apperance ( not sloppy) and treated differently. It's how society goes for the most part.
Our capacity to use the faculty of judgement is a defining characteristic of the human condition and worthy of celebration. At the heart of it, judgement is simply an exercise of right vs. wrong. Of course, as mere humans, we do not have perfect judgement, c'est la vie!
But I still wouldn't wear sweatpants to dinner 🙂
So *how* do you judge based on appearances? Also: you dispel the myth that only uneducated people judge based on appearances and then go on to say that *you* also do it. In fact, you say that everyone does it, albeit to some extent. Does that make it OK?
It\’s hard to say. If I see someone too flashy with their jewellery, I reserve my judgment, but can\’t help but feel that they might be showoffs or Joneses-wannabes.
But if I see someone stylish but not flashy, I think: Wow, she takes care of herself. I\’d love to talk to her.
If someone is in plastic 4\” heels, going to work, or in a leather miniskirt… I can\’t help but feel that they either don\’t have money to buy anything better, or they are just inappropriate (the second one is more \”judgemental\”, but the first is not — they cannot help their situation, but perhaps they just don\’t know where to shop, or just don\’t know any better).
Oh and the second part to your question — everyone does it to some extent.
It makes it OK in the sense that you cannot help what you think.
It\’s instinct, but what doesn\’t make it OK is when you don\’t control your actions and you act on your private impulses/judgement before stepping back objectively and recognizing what you are feeling may not be true.
Human nature is instinct and reaction. Conscious action, as educated people, is another story.