This’ll be a fast post.
Why are women considered to be the ones who SHOULD cook in a household, but in a professional setting, there are more men who are chefs, than women?
I’m an avid fan of Top Chef, Top Chef Masters… okay, any kind of cooking show in general, and whenever I hear comments from women contestants such as:
“So.. it’s just me and the guys again.. which, is normal for me, as is the nature of our industry!”
– Susan Feniger – Top Chef Masters Season Two Contestant
(whom I ADORE by the way!)
And other various:
“Well you know how it is, being the only woman in the kitchen.”
“I’ve had to fight tooth and nail to be seen as a respected chef, who is a woman.”
“We [women] just have to be tougher in the kitchen, and we’ve taken a lot of crap.”
“They will tell you point blank: You are a woman, you will never become a chef, you should just stay in the bakery. So I’ve had to really fight my way through to the top, to be respected.” — I believe this one came from Cindy Pawlcyn (Another Top Chef Masters contestant from Season One)
So what gives, world?
Why are women stereotypically told that their place is in the kitchen when they’re growing up, but men are the ones who dominate the culinary arts?
My mom used to tell me:
“If you want to catch a husband, you better know how to cook”
… or …
“Don’t you want to be able to cook for your family and your husband?”
(That one made me retort: “I’d like to think my future husband could carry his own weight and feed his family and his own darn self if need be!”)
The sad thing was that I never hated to cook! It was more out of spite, that I refused to cook. (Yes, childish and silly I know.)
When she finally gave up the nagging and guilt-tripping, I eased back into cooking, which seemed to surprise her, as I never seemed to show an interest in cooking as I was growing up 😛
In our little world of two, BF is the one who is the far better chef than I.
He of course, has had more experience, not having rebelled against his mother and her pleas to be a good wife who should know how to take care of her man’s belly.
But I ain’t too shabby, if I do say so myself! 🙂
What about you?
Were you ever pressured to cook, for reasons OTHER than just having a basic, practical working knowledge of how to cook?
I’d love to hear the perspective from any men who are lurking regarding the subject!
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I’m disappointed your post doesn’t have more comments! I know it’s a year and a half old now, but I had to say that this was exactly the way I think. Not about rebelling in the kitchen, I’ve always LOVED cooking, but about women being expected to be in the kitchen and yet looked down upon in the culinary industry. It’s mind boggling!
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Hello, I found this page while searching for material for my homework and I have to say it helped me with it. I’m doing a presentation about Men’s stereotype that women should be in the kitchen and I’m a bit stuck with it. Could you be kind enough to help me? If you have some extra material? etc. Thank you very much.
yes, mom was working full time, dad was always away on business, I was the oldest child who was curious to learn everything…therefore it ended up on me.
I am 20 and am dating a guy who I'm in love with and we always talk about marriage much into the future once we are stable with work and of course for now finish college. I have to make it clear that we are both Indian, I pretty much grew up in the US and him in India, so although we are of the same ethnicity, there are many cultural differences!
I'm not saying I am a crazy feminist, I believe in equal rights definitely! Him being from a more traditional country believes that I should cook when I can, unless I'm too busy or dead from work. It's reasonable for sure, but the thing is I hate cooking! I've never found any amount of amusement from being in the kitchen or kitchen duties! I think I'd rather garden.
I always thought it would work out perfectly though because he actually loves cooking! On campus, he always makes food for us both, so naturally I thought he would assume those duties in the future. Well here comes the backward thinking. He says well every woman I've ever known wants to do this for the husband and fam. I tell him it's the thinking of a traditional country. Western views emphasize doing whatever you enjoy, and roles can be switched! Here they break (somewhat) the stereotypes of men and women. It's apparently tradition in his family for the wife to learn the cooking of the mother -in-law. Well sorry! I don't want to do something I don't enjoy, AT ALL! If this will cause problems, which is ridiculous, then he should settle down with someone traditional like him.
Ugh so frustrating! It's like no matter what we do, it's never enough!
Chefs' hours are terrible, many women who want or have children shy away from them. Chefs almost always work Friday and Saturday nights, for example.
Great point! But what about fathers who are chefs?
Like it or not, the sad reality is that it is a lot more socially acceptable for a father to spend time away from his children than for a mother to spend time away from her children. A mom who misses her kids' soccer games on Saturdays is frowned on more than a dad who does the same thing.
Great point.
*sigh* If only we didn’t feel like that.
Being a chef is also more physical than many people suspect, and men have a huge physical. strength advantage. Starting out often involves hoisting very heavy bags of flour, giant slabs of meat, etc. There's also the element of dealing with distributors, shippers, etc., which is often a very rough-and-tumble male-dominated world.
I’ve always wondered about the disconnect between the male dominated chef world and the home oriented woman’s kitchen thing. It never made any sense to me. I was brought up that everybody participated in the kitchen. Some stuff my mom was better at and others, my dad. And in all cases my brother and I were supposed to help.
I’ve never understood why men seem to think that cooking in the home is difficult or demeaning. At the most basic stage, it’s just a matter of following instructions in a cookbook. Granted there’s a vocabulary to learn, but a copy of The Joy of Cooking will take care of that pretty quickly.
These days, I tend to be the one who’s most active in the kitchen, be it for regular dinners or baking or more exotic stuff when we have guests.
I will admit that cooking for myself has relatively little attraction. I’m much more motivated to cook for my wife or guests than when I’m alone. Alone I can easily slip back into the order a pizza mode.
For anyone living in Ontario I highly recommend LCBO’s free monthly magazine Food & Drink for inspiration (I get it in the mail from family now that I’m living overseas)
Thanks for the tip about the Food & Drink magazine. BF likes to pore over food & cooking magazines but cannot bring himself to buy any 😛
I think as with everything, cooking has a stigma — both a gender bias, and intimidation of the act itself.
When I first started, I had no idea how hot to make a pan, how hot the oil had to be, if I would burn myself and so on… now it’s so easy for me to say: yeah let’s do that… when before, it would have stressed me out.
Practice.
Very true – but I think that a lot of that can come from participating in the kitchen from a young age where you absorb many of those little (but essential!) details through observation. Of course, it helps if your parents know how to cook and don't lead you into mistakes.
My step-father's mom was a disaster with vegetables – the object was to ensure that they were grey when served – bleah. But she was the master (mistress?) of cakes and pastries, so go figure.
It's the little things, like sprinkling water on the frying pan to see if they hop around to know that it's the right temperature for making pancakes.
Food & Drink is an awesome resource – all of the recipes are available on the web (http://lcbo.com/fooddrink/index.shtml), but nothing beats going through the physical magazine with it's exceedingly high quality production values, heavy, glossy paper, beautiful photos etc. And for free! The only hiccup is that they tend to "sell" out really really quickly, but there are usually copies of the french edition that don't get snapped up as quickly if your french is up to the task (or a good excuse to brush up).
Absolutely love this post – it's definitely interesting that the top chefs in the world are men even though society pressures women to be the homemaker, chef, etc. I would counter, however, that I think the concept of the woman being the cook of the house is slowly fading. Increasing engagement/participation in the world outside of the house by women, beginning with suffrage way back when, has brought a change in a lot of societal norms. The stay-at-home-dad is now much more common, as is the two-earner household.
From my (obviously biased and incomplete) perspective, I don't think it's so much of a necessity for a girl to be able to cook, as it is a bonus. I love coming home to a cooked meal, but, if it's not there, I equally enjoying whipping up my own.
For background: I never learned how to cook when I was a kid – for some reason it just wasn't a priority for my parents to involve us with dinner preparation. Fast-forward to college, and the availability of fast food and cafeteria food, and again, no need to learn to cook. Fast-forward to living on my own with a very health-oriented girlfriend, and you've got a recipe (pun intended) for disaster. It just takes a little practice, patience, a couple cookbooks, and a few episodes of any cooking show, and you'll be on your way to being a bada** in the kitchen. At this point, I've turned out to have equaled or surpassed GF's culinary abilities, so we divvy up the labor – I focus on the main dish, she puts together some awesome salads and sides. Every now and again we switch it up so she can practice too.
Besides, from the other perspective, isn't it a bonus for girls to find a guy who can cook? So why wouldn't every guy learn?
My mom never pressured me to cook, and she still doesn't. I enjoy cooking but I hate preparing the ingredients (chopping, cutting, peeling, what not). She jokes that i'm 26 and still can't peel a mango (I can, but i'm just too lazy when I have her to do it for me!).
She also hates cooking for my dad, or for us when we're all home. She'll be sure to let everybody know that. Yet she makes the most amazing meals.
I used to enjoy cooking for an ex and our guy friends because they would lick their plates clean, not because I felt I had to cook, being a woman and all. Now I cook only for myself, and i'll have to admit that it does get boring and sometimes I don't even want to eat my own food…
I agree. I enjoy cooking in general (for men or women) just because I enjoy seeing them enjoy the food.
First husband never cooked; we ate out a lot until I got tired of it. He used to think it amusing to say "Woman! Get in the kitchen and rattle them pots and pans!" Second husband cooked on the very odd occasion only. Current partner, Bill, cooks about half the time. I don't mind cooking now, I enjoy it, but am sometimes deeply involved in doing something else. Cooking is not only 'woman's work', obviously. The deal about male chefs? It's a man thing, of course. The few occasions I've been to really expensive restaurants, there are always waiters, never waitresses. We still have a long way to go, I'm afraid…
I think it depends on how the guy was brought up.
BF was brought up (as was his other siblings) to learn how to cook, make cakes in school, and generally be self-sufficient for basic household tasks.
The key was his parents told him to NOT be lazy. Period. Doesn’t matter for what task, but don’t be a lazy guy.
Yep, this has always baffled BF and I! And fuels the men vs women debate even more… I mean, if we are supposedly the cooks at home why doesn’t that translate into the professional world?
I’ve decided there are some things I just want to do myself (dishes and doing the laundry…or at least the first part, the process of washing) – I’m better at it and I feel like I get things cleaner.
I never learned to cook partly because of rebellion against what I saw as antiquated, non-feminist notions (women should cook and keep house), partly because I have a mom who's very good at cooking and always in the kitchen and I'd feel like I was in her way if I tried to make something. Now that I'm older I see that cooking and good housekeeping aren't just things that women should know–they're helpful for anyone. These days I'm making for lost time and learning how to cook and bake one dish at a time.
I did the same thing as you did. I rebelled and then I realized it’s helpful for any PERSON, not just by gender, although my parents saw it that way…
My mom attempted to teach me how to cook when I was 13. I already had so many chores I was terrified of adding more and would purposely screw up. After that I didn't learn to cook until I got to college LOL
For me, cooking is not a chore, as much as it is something fun to do. I must say, I do really simple things. Much simpler than BF’s French cooking. I like very lightly steamed foods, and lots of red miso.
I too did the same thing. I distinctively remember wanting to work outside with my dad and brother only to be told to go inside and help my mom with dinner. I hated it. I even called my parents out on it. Saying that my brother should know how to cook too. Even now I still get it to some degree. Don’t get me wrong. I love to cook for my friends and family but I don’t want to have to do it for no other reason than I’m a girl. I may have “domestic” hobbies but that doesn’t mean I want those expecations.
Agreed. Being a girl doesn’t mean I should automatically put on an apron and bake.
I also HATED it when my boyfriends’ parents would comment about how I didn’t cook or bake for them
I know they were teasing, but it was more of a: “Eff you, you should have taught your son to cook too. I am only matching what he does(n’t) do.”
My mom wasn't really a good cook, so she didn't teach me those things. There wasn't much to teach, though she was the one who cooked when I was growing up. But, she and others did have plenty to say about my lack of cooking skills and how it'd be hard to find a husband and crap like that. Fortunately, they were wrong.
I do cook some now, but mostly for myself. My husband is very picky about what he eats and doesn't mind cooking so he usually cooks for himself and often for me, too. Usually the stuff he cooks for me is stuff he won't even eat.
When it comes time to cook for others, he's usually the one that cooks, though I might help. And if I do cook something I get people going, "Oh, I didn't know you could cook!" like it was some sort of secret ability. (Every notice that people also assume that if one spouse does something then the other doesn't? It's like they expect us to divvy up chores into "his" and "hers" and keep them like that.)
I do help out more than people probably think. I'm usually the one to find and pick out the recipes — or even make them up, myself. I often set out ingredients and give him instructions. I tell him what the best way to do this or that is. I tend to supervise and test the dish to give suggestions for what would make it better. Most of the time he won't even try what he's making (being such a picky eater), so someone has to do this. Heck, I even carefully pick out the kitchen tools to buy and use (I am a master review-reader).
In the end, he usually gets all the credit and people tell me how lucky I am. I don't mind that. I want him to get lots of compliments so that he keeps wanting to cook. It just sucks when people get that horrified tone when they realize that my husband cooked and I didn't — especially since I work from home and people tend to assume that I'm some sort of housewife. (My mom even freaked when she learned that my husband did his own laundry — even though I do help sometimes. Apparently, it doesn't matter how much work I do for our business, if my husband has to cook and clean at all then I'm a failure as a wife.)
BF is the pickiest eater. I threw a fuss the other day about how he doesn’t cook any more, because I miss his meals, but I do understand it’s because he works a lot — but I work too.. and I do all the laundry. 😛
I think it’s really silly how people freak out about men doing household chores that don’t involve a hammer or a grease rag. I mean, really.
Did the exact same thing to my mother, and now I don't mind cooking. However, I still insist on equal-ish time spent cooking/cleaning/household-y stuff between my partner and me. I don't think I'll ever get over it…
Agreed.
I had a few "lessons" from my mum but tried to get out of them. Now I love cooking and I would appreciate a guy who did the same because I ain't cooking every. single. night. I don't know how my mum does it tho 😛
I did the same thing – my mom was the one who cooked, cleaned, sewed, did laundry, etc. I refused to learn most of those things because I didn't want "to become a slave to my husband." Now, of course, I know that you do things for other people out of love. But, Bob loves to cook, so who am I to protest? 😀