Do you hear that a lot from enablers around you? (Er… my tweets on Twitter are not to be included in this discussion)
Roland @ Queer Cents wrote a nice piece on being Pressured to Spend, and here’s an excerpt:
For my vacation this year I was thinking more of the “staycation” idea, though I haven’t ruled out an overseas trip yet or even a two week Road Trip on the bike.
What I am getting from everyone is:
“you have plenty of money…do both…what good is it doing you?…what good is it having money if you don’t enjoy it?…stop being cheap….what have you got to worry about?”
I’ve tried to explain numerous times that I don’t have to go away to be content….that I’m just as happy sitting down reading a book at home as doing the same laying poolside on a cruise ship and while cruises are fun they are not the sole form of vacation….granted they may currently be the CHEAPEST form….but they are not the sole form….and maybe I LIKE seeing numbers greater than $0 when I open my monthly bank and brokerage statements.
All I could think was: OH MY GOD YES!!! This is what I get all the time from friends and co-workers.
My family doesn’t think I’m cheap, they think I’m spending too much sometimes (travelling all the time and spending money on very nice headphones for airplane travel…).
My family has also been told that I keep my expenses VERY low every month (~$700), so I can afford travelling or buying nice things because I cut back in other ways, and happily, for reasons other than just for money, like trying to become a minimalist.
As for my friends… or my previous co-workers?
They think that spending $80 on some fancy breakfast in a castle is the height of luxury.
All I could think was: For $80, I could make killer meals for breakfast, lunch AND dinner.
I couldn’t stomach the idea of spending $80 on some fresh fruit, some melted chocolate everyone is dipping their skewers into, toast and some eggs with bacon or ham.
It probably costs a total of $10 in the amount of ingredients I’d eat!!!
I also remember telling a client I worked with: Oh, I don’t buy designer anything.
(I can’t remember how the topic came up)
She misunderstood and said: Why not? You can afford it! You should treat yourself!
I kept quiet to be polite, and just smiled but what I meant was:
“I think designer items are nice, but not my style and I’d rather support independent and local designers… and I treat myself in ways other than splurging on designer goods just because of a label.”
That’s not to say that I NEVER lust after designer goods, but I cannot imagine spending $2000 on a leather bag. It’s just not my style, even if I really like it. If it was $200 or $500, my wallet would be in trouble… but $2000?
Inconceivable. Just not in me.
I like to spend on what I like if I deem it to be worth it.
And I really do prefer to support independent or local designers, like those on Etsy.
With that being said, some handmade items are not worth the money in my opinion, because it’s a simple metal circle.. but they want $85 because of the materials used and the labour… when I’d rather just buy the cheaper metal version at Claire’s Accessories for $10.
(Sorry! It’s true! Bad FB.)
For me, it’s really the balance between quality, function and price.
All are equally important, and if the quality is MUCH better for more money, I’d consider spending the difference, or if I could REALLY use the item and it happens to cost that price… I’d buy it.
But if the quality or function is not as important in the item.. I tend to go on the cheap end on price.
All the other comments I get are along the same lines:
Splurge! You’re young only once!
What’s the point of having all the money if you don’t spend it?
I DO SPEND IT!
I just spend it on other things that I think are a bigger priority.
I think people are a bunch of voyeurs.
They just want you to spend so that they feel good that they got someone to spend the money and enjoy themselves, because they don’t have the means to do so, and/or they want the excuse to say: But FB over there bought that, so I HAVE to get it too.
If I wanted to be mean, I could say what one commenter said:
“That’s why I have the money. Because I don’t spend it on things I don’t really need or want.”
Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver.
I cleared $60,000 in 18 months earning $65,000 gross/year.
Now I am self-employed, and you can read more about 
When I was planning my wedding I was obsessed with looking at all these crafty, wonderful looking things at Etsy, especially the fake (silk) flowers. I ordered one silk hydrangea pomander, thinking I could use it as a pew decoration and then as a centrepiece for the reception. The pomanders look nice enough in the seller’s photos and she had great reviews from everyone. So my pomander arrived…and it’s really, really bad quality. I can see the styrofoam centre (the flowers weren’t arranged to form a tight ball)!!! That cured my Etsy obsession just like that. Haven’t been to that site since then. Good thing I only ordered one pomander and not like, 20. I would have been in deep trouble if I had 20 of those things lying around…I ended up getting real flowers for my wedding. They were gorgeous and still economical too.
-You have a co-op job now! You don’t need to budget.
-I’m saving up for tuition, silly.
I’ve also learned that in order to afford something I have to spend X hours stuck in an office building doing a job I’m not passionate about, so whatever I spend it on had better be worth it.
I like your style. Sure you've plenty money, and it may seem to spend it. You do spurge, but you're still frugal. Essentially you know the value of money.
My recent post Studies and being above the rest
Pretty much. 🙂
Even I know it's said in jest, I hate the "you only live once" line of argument. Ok, but you know what? I don't want to fritter away my money on a daily basis on stupid stuff and count on dying in a week. Because I'd like surviving not to be the worst case scenario.
I really loved this post – I agree that going out for breakfast is just to say you did it is ridiculous. After all if you are desensitized to luxury is it still a luxury?
I get a bunch of comments like that too. "You deserve it" "Come out and have some fun" "We haven't seen you in forever, it would be a fun way to get together." I feel bad sometimes about saying no. But sometimes I don't want to do what they are doing, or I'd rather see my savings go up instead of spending money on something. My roommates wanted to go to TO to see Grease and spend $100 on tickets. That plus the travelling expense, just isn't worth it. I've seen the movie, it would be fun but I'd rather spend that +$100 on debt or savings.
This article reminds me of an article I've read either from InStyle or Glamour (sorry, I can't remember which one). But the writer said- we have to define what rich for us means. Does rich means having designer clothes/stuff? If so, live with roommates and skimp on other things. As for me, I think rich is getting to travel to different places. With that, I'm gonna pass on $200 fancy dinners for 2 and $2000 designer purses.
Most people seek satisfaction through spending, and so they want you to do the same. Money should be spend wisely, it should go to things that are important and not merely for things that satisfies our ego. 🙂
I think most people just don't think about money the way those of us with finance blogs do, you know? Fr most people, it's there to be spent.
I, for one, am always grateful when someone encourages me to spend money. Usually I have a very hard time allowing myself to indulge, so it's nice to be pressured sometimes!
Girl, I love this post! I receive comments like this very often, but I never know how to respond.
This really captures the way that "normal" people seek to make frugal people feel guilty–and put them/us on the defensive.
I receive comments on spending money for things like the past Vancouver Olympics. My brother came here from Calgary and went to a few events and paid (a lot) for a hotel etc. and I didn't go to any (paid) events and I live in the city – but I was told that I wasn't participating and should be supportive…and that $150 or more was reasonable to spend "for a once in a lifetime chance". Okay, I had wanted to go to see Figure Skating live, but not for that price, and not for something that I don't support! I would rather save the money to travel later.
“That’s why I have the money. Because I don’t spend it on things I don’t really need or want.”
That made me laugh out loud. Once I tried to say I didn't have the money for an expensive vacation–because I thought it would make people stop with the whole 'you have the money–spend it!'
Do you know the person's response???
"Psh! (swats hand in the air as if swatting a fly) Put it on the credit card!"
PUT IT ON A CREDIT CARD? 🙂
Oh goodness.
I and anyone else in the fashion biz (and probably any other business) can testify the pressure is AGAINST spending now. People who HAVE the money are just starting to spend again but last year no one spent. Meaning lots of people I know went out of business and they didn't have money to spend and it seemed the cycle would never end. If a business owner didn't admit to me that s/he was down at least 25% last year, I knew that person was lying.
Generally I'm aggravated by people being all up in other people's financial business, whether pro- or anti-spending. I agree with you that everyone has his or her own financial priorities and I've posted on that. I guess it's part of the human condition to be annoyingly nosy but that doesn't mean I don't wish it would stop.
Well in 2009, I really tried to hold back on spending. In 2010, I am seeing more people let loose and spend… but we’re all still cautious
THANK YOU. Thank you so much for posting this. I've been a known shopaholic among my friends and I HAD been doing so well with my rehab from shopping BUT then my boyfriend convinced me I needed to go shopping. To splurge a little. He uses the same lines as everyone else, "You only live once, what are you going to do with all that money anyways?" I know I'm weak for giving in… But the temptation is so much greater than my willpower.. 🙁
Being unemployed for the last 16 months has really taught me things like this. I used to go out every single day for lunch and now I know how much money I could have saved.
omg we are so alike! i just respond with… i can't justify it because its not a necessity. i desire designer things but i can never find myself to buying it. i am also a believer to support locals and etsy. people dont really say much to me about it since they know how i am. i am frugal. great post!
I live in NYC and have been pressured into buying a car and moving out into my own place. No and no! My goal is to buy my first place. Can't do that if I'm out buying things. I think people tend to back off when you tell them that you are saving for something bigger.
I prefer to let people be confused about whether or not I actually DO have the money. Easier in college and just after, much harder these days.
My family has been "encouraging" me to get a new car ever since I graduated. I'll do it. When I need it. When I'm ready! "Emergency Funds" aren't something my family really prioritizes
Unsolitied criticism of people's financial priorities is just plain old rudeness. End of story. You obviously have an internal set of priorities helping determine your spending, so people need to back off and assume there's something wrong with you for not wanting to conform to their priorities!
oh I get comments like those all the time from my friends. They think I'm cheap because i dont subscribe to their high consumerism lifestyle. They dont get the fact that I derive pleasure from being able to plan for and achieve goals as opposed to spending, spending and not knowing where the money is gonna come from next time. I have to say it's getting a little annoying being the only one who does not obtain joy from spending excessive amounts of money on things that I dont find pleasure in. It's like a big elephant in the room now whenever i meet up with my friends, we just dont have the same priorities. It's gotten to the point now where i dont think my friendships with my friends are ever going to be tight like they were before cause I just cant relate to their conversations anymore.