I don’t normally ask for anything, but please think about helping out a very close friend and dear blogger

In my recent recollections, I try not to ask for much on the blog.

At least, I think I don’t ask for much.

So here goes.

As you may or may not know, Revanche who writes at A Gai Shan Life, and is a administrator of the Carnival of Personal Finance (bet you didn’t know that!) is going through a pretty difficult time right now.

She doesn’t talk about it much (bless her heart), and she’s a pretty tough cookie.

Over my blogging time, I have been growing closer and closer to her, and even without meeting her IRL (in real life), I consider her to be one of my closest confidantes.

This is the situation:

If you could just take some time to read one of her very rare, honest and well-written posts here, you will understand just a little bit about what she has been going through for the past couple of years now.

For the past three years, my family’s been struggling with the reality of living with a family member developing dementia.

It’s the latest in a series of health problems, beginning with diabetes that went undiagnosed for years which led to a number of complications including high blood pressure, strokes, damaged eyesight, impaired nerve function.

She also developed kidney problems, an inability to sleep, and neurological problems (constant vertigo, impaired judgment, short and long term memory loss).

Congruent with my dad’s inability to hold a job and her guilt over my supporting the family, we added anxiety and depression to an already volatile mix.

Every day is a new struggle.

It’s not just Sisyphean, trying to keep the boulder moving forward from day to day without letting it slip and crush us all; it’s also a Promethean epic of facing a rotating set of behaviors that range from destructive, to adolescent, to vehement worrying.

She’s still a mother at heart, that instinct still lives but it lashes out destructively, pathetically, wishfully.

The woman I live with is my mom, but not really.  This isn’t the person who raised me.  But she’ll always be my mother so I’ll always provide for her.

He’s [Her father] had to turn down job offers with a decent salary but no benefits because according to the Social Security folks, if he earns as much as $600 a month, she will lose all her disability benefits AND her medical care.

The latter is critical because as much as I would prefer to purchase independent health insurance for her, no insurance company will touch her.

Even if I could afford upwards of $1500/month, which I can’t right now, she wouldn’t be covered for any of her existing conditions.

Family members have counseled him to consider divorcing her so that he can separate his finances from hers and maybe start to dig himself out of this hole without causing her to lose all her care.

He can’t wrap his mind around the thought; I can’t believe that my family has come to that.

If you are a regular A Gai Shan Life reader, you will know that these kinds of posts are rare.

I am talking like.. once in every 3 months or less, she’ll open up and write something so raw and honest, it tugs at your heart strings.

Here’s the short summary:

  • She is unemployed, which means that there is no steady income coming in
  • She’s not on unemployment — she’s been cut off
  • The job prospects are slim
  • …yet she is single-handedly supporting her whole family
  • So she made a decision and is currently in school to get the education required
  • Her father cannot work, or her mother will lose her much needed medical benefits
  • They’re running ragged trying to watch an adult not quite in her right mind 24/7
  • …and getting exhausted (you think watching a child is tough, this to me, is worse)
  • Her brother is …for lack of a nicer word, useless in every which way and form
  • She isn’t getting help from anyone (not just financially — physically and emotionally)
  • She is not asking for a cure, or a lifetime donation

Wait, she has more money than me… : \

I know it is going to cross your mind at one point or another, so I am going to address it for anyone who has any doubts.

If you read her blog, yes she has a high net worth, around $100,000.

Heck, she has more money than ME! 🙂

But it’s also her family’s net worth, if you think about it.

It’s their whole life savings for 3 adults.

It goes to pay for her parents retirement AND her retirement, bills, mortgage, any medical expenses or  anything that may come up for the whole family.

In retrospect, it’s not a lot of money, considering two of the adults (her parents) who on average should be working to save for their own retirement, can’t for various reasons: her mother has dementia, and her father is running himself into the ground trying to watch her 24/7, so she doesn’t sneak out of the house, hurt someone or hurt herself.

She’s trying to take care of 3 adults’ financial situation, all on her own and to hold it together while currently being UNEMPLOYED.

Need I remind you how young she is? I am not trying to sell a Suzy Sob Story here, but even I am wondering if I could ever become that mature to take on everything she’s done so far and not feel resentful or just run away from the situation and pretend it doesn’t exist, like her brother.

She had a choice to do it or not, but really….it’s never a true choice when it comes to your family.

So yes. You may have asked: Why would I donate money to someone who has more than me!?

Well, maybe because you are feeling generous today. I hope!

You recognize that in the long-term, she has a mother who will never recover from dementia, and it is a lifelong disease that she and her family will have to take care of and manage all on their own.

Just thinking about the situation gives me a headache.

Imagine living with it, and the emotional, painful toll it takes on you on a daily basis, and knowing that you will have to take care of her for the rest of your life.

We’re not asking for everyone to chip in and pay for her mother’s care forever.

Every little bit helps.

At the very least, it’s a gesture that we are here for her, anonymous some of us, and we’re part of a community of bloggers & readers who care.

So yes, she has the cash.

But it’s divided by three, and supported by only one working member of the family who can’t even work right now because she’s currently unemployed & going to school full-time.

You don’t have to donate if you cannot afford it or don’t want to

That’s totally fine.

Some of you can’t afford to even make your own bills, and that’s understandable.

But at the very least, if you know of resources or areas where she can access, please let her know and offer her help in other ways.

It’s kind of tough having to take the weight of it all out on your own, especially considering how young she is (in her 20s).

But if you want to, send all donations via Paypal directly to Revanche:

If you don’t want to send the money directly to her for whatever reason (to stay Anonymous or whatever), you can also send it to me at:

And I will pass it on.

(But please keep in mind that I think she’d love to thank you personally…)


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About the Author

Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver. I cleared $60,000 in 18 months earning $65,000 gross/year. Now I am self-employed, and you can read more about my story here, or visit my other blog: The Everyday Minimalist.