Just spent a lazy Sunday thinking out loud to BF about the paradoxes of women & money that I’ve read about, listened to, and experienced personally.
Our Families
We are told that a man will come along and eventually take care of us. Yet many women are left penniless in retirement, divorced, on their own and/or helpless.
We are quietly told by our moms and grandmothers to have a little saved aside for emergencies that no one else knows about. But we are clueless as to the reason why.
Fathers tell their sons that they’re ‘on their own’ in life. But they switch the message for their daughters, telling them ‘not to worry’, because there’ll be someone to help you.
We live with a chronic fear of being left alone & clueless. But we don’t or won’t take part in any financial decisions in the household.
Our Things
We want things. Yet we feel guilty for wanting them.
We know we are nearing the edge of financial disaster. But we don’t want to give up our lifestyle.
We know what we need to live on. But we spend beyond our basic needs.
We want to save to feel financially secure. Yet we spend instead, to feel financially secure.
We don’t talk about money with our friends. But we do it indirectly with what we bought and will buy.
We find materialism crass. But we want to be able to afford it.
Our Emotions
We are told not to worry about money. Yet we think about it all the time.
We want to make enough money. But we don’t know what enough means to us.
We don’t want to end up bag ladies. But we don’t save or want to deal with money at all.
We know we know nothing about money. But we continue to live in denial.
We want to be in control of our money. But we live in fear of it.
We don’t want to talk about being rich. But we talk about being ‘successful’.
Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver.
I cleared $60,000 in 18 months earning $65,000 gross/year.
Now I am self-employed, and you can read more about 
I love money. And I love your blog.
good article ! I totally get it and agree.
My mom and her mom and her mom were all 'stay at home' mothers, but who were abandoned or divorced or married to financial idiots (my dad, bless him) and so were all forced to find entrepreneurial ways to support themselves and their children. The message I got growing up was 'Keep yourself looking good, you want to have a man; but, know how to take care of yourself financially, don't ever become dependent.' I like money for the freedom and choices it gives me, but I'm not hooked on big houses, new cars or designer clothes, so I don't resent that I like money. You are right, these people in these stories are complete idiots, and I doubt there is a cure for it. Sadly.
Y’know, I am SO sick of feeling weirdly guilty for making, spending and enjoying money. It’s grating on my last nerves…. Isn’t it meant to be enjoyed? Don’t we make it so that we can do the things we’d like? So why does everyone have to go after the people who manage to do just that?!
And then there’s the envy of others with your success, or just perceived success. I don’t consider myself successful yet, but I already have to deal with the jealousy BS… It’s only going to get worse from here on out, I’m afraid. 🙁 I’m bound and determined to live my life on my terms, society’s expectations be damned.
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Hey, you stopped the post too soon 😛 Why do we resent our love for money? Mostly because we think too much money will make us a bit evil, or make us feel guilty to have ” so much”. Why do we not want to be associated with evil? Because we desire to be “just good” people… yet, such want is just as much part of our egotistical nature as the desire to not be evil. Tada!
So paradoxical. Seems there’s nothing we can do. Yep yep. but if we look at your observations again with such presumption, we are really playing games with ourselves. Creating rules, bending rules, breaking rules… keeps on repeating. Perhaps, it is a good idea for us to just learn to enjoy the game.
So how dysfunctional is MY family that we all assumed and joked that I’d be the successful, rich one, and that my brother would barely be able to support himself much less take on the responsibility for my parents?
I mean it was funny when I was ten and lording it over my brother because it felt like the family was on my side and I wasn’t the inferior one for once, but I never realized that there was any basis to the jokes. I just thought we were being mean to him because we could. It’s not that funny now …. 🙁
But then again, I have no fear in admitting that I love taking care of money and love standing on my own two feet and being known for it. So there’s a plus to that whole thing.
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oooooooh this post- GAAAAAH. I am so feeling this post in my life right now.
How about that we’re expected to be caregivers for everyone whether it’s kids, sick parents, etc. If someone’s sick, we rush home from work. If someone needs daily care, we quit work. And we’re told this makes sense not just because we’re women and women are supposed to be better caregivers by nature, but because it makes financial sense. After all, we make less on average then the men. So why shouldn’t we be the ones to sacrifice our careers — even though one reason given for women making less is that companies don’t expect women to stick around for long and make their career their priority. How’s that for circular logic!
But despite that we tend to have smaller incomes and more dependents, where do people go when they need money? Do they bug dad? Grandpa? Their guy pals? No, they go to the women in their life who just can’t ever seem to say no. After all, saying “no” isn’t lady like. *rolls eyes* In fact, if you say “no”, there’s a special word for that — and it isn’t assertive (that’s the guys’ word).
It’s a tough one mixed messages, although I’ve always been financially independent I’m rubbish at living within my means – although I’ve improved over the last two years with application and drawing upon blogs!
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@frugalscholar: Then I think you are definitely one of the lucky ones. My parents just didn’t give me ANY formal money education (but my siblings never got that either)…
I think that men are under a lot of pressure these days, but women can earn as much, if not more, than men. We just need to get over that mindset that we can’t do it, and just.. DO IT!
I’m a lot older than you, yet I never got those messages. I think I was lucky. My dear spouse said that a big reason for his interest in me was that I didn’t have these huge, pressuring financial expectations (pressure on HIM).
My parents weren’t very unconventional, so I don’t know why I didn’t get those messages. But I always figured that I would have to take care of myself.
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