Being a lady is a lost art.

I’m not trying to say all women are pigs, but… as a woman myself, I am a bit disgusted that some of us don’t even know how to behave ourselves in public.

I don’t want to go back to the Victorian Ages, but c’mon a little decency would be appreciated.

Some of you may look like ladies, but some sure don’t act like one. I believe the British word is “chavs”? In North America, it’s being “ghetto”.

If you don’t act like a lady, or a gentleman, how do you expect others to treat you as such?

We as women, are trying so hard to climb the corporate ladder, earn a bigger bang for our $0.72 to a man’s $1.00, and we go and act in certain ways to prove that they are equal to men and to gain their respect as an equal but actually has an opposite effect.

I especially think it’s stupid when women complain and say things like “he’s never romantic any more!“, or “men are ALL pigs, they don’t even treat me like a lady *oink*“, or a whole host of other male-bashing epithets.

Far be it from me to criticize you without knowing your relationship but if you feel like there’s a problem and there wasn’t one before, I was told to look and examine myself before blaming others, because more often than not, problems are never entirely one person’s fault, but the fault of both in the relationship.

Simply put, we aren’t men and we will never become men.

We weren’t conferenced in on the day they had their Old Boys Club talk, so we’re at a slight disadvantage.

But why are we trying to be something we’re not? We should leverage what we are best at, and beat them at their own game while maintaining grace.

1. Don’t have public shouting matches & air dirty laundry in public

Unless he JUST admitted something absolutely heinous like he’s embezzled your life’s fortune, has had an affair from the day you were married, lost $100,00 gambling or something equally horrific, you are not allowed to scream at each other in public.

I understand if you are surprised, but just because he forgets to put his socks away, does not give you the right to scream at him in public, or nag him.

Public spaces include:

• Restaurants
• Retail Stores/Malls
• Grocery Stores
• Basically anywhere you can be heard

It hurts my ears. Shut up.

2. Immature noises and imitating bodily functions…

… are really to be kept in the home, in private company, and in the realm of 14-year old boys.

I don’t find it funny that you can intentionally let out a huge fart that shakes the street, or smells like goodness knows what.

I don’t find it amusing to hear you intentionally belch in a restaurant.*

It puts me off my meal.

*Unless it really slipped out without you meaning to and caught you off guard (happened to me once, I turned so red I thought my hair would too), and I was suitably mortified, and not happy about it.

3. Dressing inappropriately is also tasteless

I think I’ve said a lot about this in the past but clearly, those “ladies’ are not reading my blog, so it bears repeating.

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate on women just because I am one.

When I am downtown, I truly admire women, marvel at their outfits and envy their ability to wear high heels.

I also think it’s great that some women take the time to dress appropriately or wear what their partner likes, like a certain colour, or a dress because he loves her shape in one.

I’d even go so far to say that if he LIKES skanky dressing, and you’re into that, then so be it…. but some, fall below the mark of what is appropriate in public.

Ground Rules

• Tights are not pants, and you better check in bright sunlight if I can see your underwear.. or lack thereof
• I don’t want to see your lady bits exposed, either up top or below
• No whale tails or plumbers’ cracks allowed
• Wear a bra if you need one, and believe me, you know if you need one
• Muffin tops make me queasy

4. Little courtesies matter

I don’t open the door just for my own sake.

I do it to be polite.

So if you want me to continue being polite to the general public, a Thank You, never hurt anyone.

Also, when others open the door for me, as a lady, I don’t scowl at them if they’re men because I think it’s a nice gesture as one person to another.

So don’t throw a hissy fit when someone is trying to be nice to you just because they’re male.

5. Swearing like a sailor is also in bad taste

I’m not a saint.

I swear a bit. Not a lot, but you can hear a smatter of it here and there occasionally.

I swear more when I’m really angry or frustrated, but generally I keep it to a very bare minimum, aiming for no swearing at all.

But when women talk like they grew up in the gutter, with every other word as a swear word, it’s really off putting.

I don’t like it when men do it either, and call me traditional but it sounds worse coming from a woman.