I was thinking about this recently, and I’ve realized that I don’t actually like actual gifts any longer.
It’s not to say that I don’t appreciate them, or that I don’t love the thought people put into them.. it’s more that I am feeling more sensitive to the impact it has on my life, and the Earth.
So, it’s why I only like food (includes going out to eat), charitable donations in my name, services (like to a spa), gift cards to a grocery store I shop at, or pharmacy, or actual cash itself, which sounds really bitchy, but let me explain.
The first thing is: I am not into ‘stuff’ any longer.
I had so many homemade things given to me like iPod cosies, joke magnets, candles, cheap things for the kitchen that I don’t use but looked ‘cute’, Dollar store tools that ended up breaking after one use.
All of that stuff pretty much ended up in the donation bin, with other friends just as a random gift, or in the garbage.
It just clutters up my home and my life and then I feel guilty for wanting to get rid of it.
The second thing is: I don’t want people wasting their money.
Quite frankly I am only interested in what I truly want to keep in my home, so I REALLY don’t want people to spend their hard earned money on something that they weren’t sure I’d like. And if I can’t return it and give them their money back or direct the cash somewhere else, then I feel frustrated.
The third thing is: It just causes more unnecessary waste in general
If I don’t keep the item, it goes to a donation box, or to someone else.
But in the end, the economic and environmental impact is that they bought something NEW (I’m assuming, unless it was a re-gift), that means a factory had to add more pollution to the world to produce, which then caused an increase in our landfill because I ended up tossing it.
The last thing is: I tend to practice what I preach (at least, I try to)
I don’t give gifts for holidays or birthdays. I take people out to eat, or I treat them to a spa day with me so that we can connect together for the day instead of giving them a gift I am not sure they like that they may just toss in the garbage.
I also don’t buy trinkets when I visit countries, I take pictures instead, or I buy a really special bag, pair of shoes, or a dress so that it’s useful.
I hate souvenirs.
I don’t waste money on items that I am not sure they want or need unless they SPECIFICALLY tell me that they wanted a T-Fal Frying Pan (for example, even though the Teflon coating will do nasty ish to your female bodies), but because I want it to be a practical gift that they will use or enjoy rather than my frantically trying to figure out what they could possibly want and ending up getting them something they half wanted that wasn’t practical for their lives at all.
Like a $5 cheap fondue set that I got one Christmas. I’d rather she saved the $5 or bought chocolates with it instead so we could share them together. I ended up donating the fondue set.
It might sound like a cop out to others, but unless I can eat it (this is where chocolate or homemade food comes in), or use it up without causing waste or more pollution indirectly, and/or benefiting society or our economy… then I don’t want it, but I accept the thought.
Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver.
I cleared $60,000 in 18 months earning $65,000 gross/year.
Now I am self-employed, and you can read more about 
Totally spot on. My husband and I feel exactly the same. He started before me, talked me around to it when we got married. =)
I started reading this (just came across your blog today) and it sounds almost exactly like me today. Just a few weeks ago my MIL was wondering what to get me for my birthday and emailed asking “do you really just want cash?”
Yes! Or items I’ve specifically placed on my wishlist (though about half the list is donations for one group or another). I’m far more into experiences and memories than things.
I totally agree with you. I hate receiving gifts. The main problem is no one is questioning the idea, it is like a "must", if you dont give a gift or if you dont show your enthusiasm for any gift you receive, you are considered as "rude".
I don't observe holidays anyway, but for other occasions like birthdays etc, I dont like receiving gifts either, I feel like people are pressured to buy me gift, because society says so. And also, for buying gifts, for example if I saw my best friend's fav. band's poster on a store, I would buy it and don't wait her birthday or any other special occasion to give her. I would buy it bec. I know if she saw it she would definitely buy it, too.
In general, I hate having things at home I don't use. At least once a month, I pick out things at home I don't use or I won't use and give them to charity, so it bothers me a lot when people give me gifts, because most probably I will give it to charity.
I think the whole idea of giving gifts originated from the idea of making the other person happy. With the passing time, people forgot that aspect. Now with all that commercialism, media and other entities "tell" us we have to buy gifts society tells us we have to buy gifts otherwise we are not a good friend or parent. We should ask ourselves, why am I buying this gift? The answer must be "to make the person happy", then another question comes into place: is this the right way to make that person happy? Then, many who wrote here already knows the answer: No. Many here mentioned spending time together is a great gift, I agree. Also your ideas like "services (like to a spa), gift cards to a grocery " are I think really nice.
!! YES! Considered \’rude\’ or not very \’friendly\’ for not giving gifts.
Good thing my family doesn\’t place a lot of emphasis on gifts = love.
I think services, spending time, gift cards.. these are all the best. At least I can use it for daily life.
I'm a person who very much dislikes clutter of all kinds (I literally cannot sleep at night if the house is a destroyed wreck). But I am also a "gifter" and found a lot of what you wrote here rather harsh.
Funny thing is, I agree with most of what you said–on its face. I can get behind less waste, spending more TIME with people, not wasting more money w/batteries, etc. But you fail to take into account the personal dynamics that go into gift giving. I tell my kids that a present is something YOU want, but a gift is something the other person wants you to have. Remember the four "love languages?" Gifts, service, words, and affection? Well, gifts is mine. Nothing makes me happier than giving a gift (or a present). I usually end up giving something I know they will enjoy or need, but sometimes, I just wanted to knit them a scarf in lime green and purple and I wanted THEM to have it. Or I wanted to give them a book that I believe they will enjoy or enrich their life in some way. Or a necklace that will make their eyes shine. Yes, they now have to figure out what to do with it, but your post really made me wonder if the things I do for people are really just unwelcome or unappreciated.
My mother-in-law has given me countless things over the years that I have no place for whatsoever. That are just not "me" in any way. But honestly, it would never occur to me to suggest she ought to get me something else, because that's obviously how she shows love and it was (for whatever reason) important for her to give me that. And no, it doesn't mean she's BUYING my love–often these things are from her travels–it just means gifting is how she ~expresses~ love!
Like I said, I agree with a lot of what you said in principle, and even in my own house I do my best to keep extra clutter out, but I think it's more important to honor the human relationships that gifting is meant to strengthen than to complain about receiving the gift and all the trouble it's going to cause you and the planet.
I totally agree. I feel like my actions are harsh on receiving gifts, but I feel like that. Yet I struggle with how harsh it is! 🙂 I appreciate the thought behind it but in another way I\’m like: oh no…
I draw for a portion of my living and feel that the time I spend on a given work is more valuable than anything I may purchase for someone on some registry, though at least registries keep one from buying something entirely useless if there is no getting out of buying a gift, as in say a wedding. All in all I would rather not get them but conversely would also not just like a quickie email sent / received acknowledging a birthday. I think the best one can do when receiving gifts that many folks give compulsively is to do what an old high school drama teacher told me years ago when I said I had difficulty receiving praise from an audience member. He said, "Just say "Thank You.""
I am a musician who is a friendly guy and somehow or another some of the older ladies in the weekly jam crowd got wind of when my birthday is. One of them had moved back east and still sends me extravagent gifts just because her husband's birthday and mine fall on the same day. I think gifts just place a burden on a friendship as one's reaction to a gift will always fall short of what the person who gave the gift expects, especially if you are anti-gift as I am. I like the time analogy that was spoken of in this thread. Time is really the ultimate gift one can give.
I agree. I hate receiving and giving gifts. I feel like someone is trying to buy my love. The greatest gift a person could give me is thier time; their ear to listen to, or a shoulder to cry on. This is priceless to me and can't be bought. I wish men would get that.
I never thought about that, but you’re right. It is a bit like buying your love…
You took the words and thoughts right out of my head! This year my son and I received an inordinate amount of useless gifts from a family member who obviously doesn't know us very well. From clothes that weren't our style and not even our size to miscellaneous trinkets for various holidays that we have no room to store in our small apartment. It was more than disappointing to receive gifts that we didn't want nor had no use for, it has left me with a sickening feeling in the bottom of my stomach. …Time spent with someone is much more valuable and memorable than all the money in the world. Creating memories and experiences with people you care about is, indeed, the best gift one can give and receive. ~ Thank you for giving us your time and gift of honesty. Henry David Thoreau was not crazy either when he said, "Simplicity, simplicity, simplicity!"
Thoreau definitely knew his stuff!
I don’t like knickknacks for the most part (though some people do), and as for jewelery or clothing, I like to try it on, test the colour on my skin and am VERY picky…..
I agree wholeheartedly. I too dont give gifts, and dont like to receive gifts, unlike you, I generally dont feel all that appreciative to someone who gives me a gift I didnt want and will never use. I have found, in general, that most gift giving is done out of habit with very little thought to the individual in receipt of the token. I too would rather have spent time with someone – a dinner, a walk, a coffee…..as time I feel is the ultimate gift. As an adult, there is not much that I deny myself when I decide there is an item I need, and since I am the best judge of what I need and want, I would prefer that no one take a stab at deciding what they think I may like. I am sure that we are not alone, but may be in a minority of people who voice their views on the subject. I have no doubt that there would be a collective sigh of relief if more people discussed how they felt.