Parents and Finances – what have you received?

Stacking Pennies (SP) brings up a great post asking what you have received from your parents.

This is a really good post to make you think, not that it matters since parents have kids selflessly and don’t think about the money in the sense that they don’t keep a tab and ask for the money back that they spent raising you.

At least, that’s what I feel is right when I want to have kids.

Basically, ever since I turned 19, I stopped being able to lodge or stay rent-free at my parents.

Backing up a bit, they stopped gifts when I turned 10 (gifts at Christmas, my birthday, any event), which is fine because we’re not into gifts as a family, and I just grew up not expecting anything except “Happy Birthday.. How old are you again?

They paid for most things in elementary school but I didn’t do much – it was a couple of outings here and there for $5 each. (Elementary was free).

They didn’t pay for Pizza & Milk Days, nor for purchasing books when the Book Fair came around (I loved to read) because they considered it to be a waste of money.

I could see that.

But I was the only kid left out in all that fun.. so I felt a bit resentful then.

Once I got a job in high school at 16 (high school was “free”), I started paying for my own clothes, entertainment, and school expenses (books, supplies) and transportation (including travelling overseas).

I only remember them paying for my flight once, when I travelled back to my grandmother’s funeral.

I didn’t travel much as a result.

They only covered food and shelter, rationalizing that I now had money from my part-time job and I could cover everything.

So that meant: No car, citizenship, passport, license or any other financial help once I turned 16. Not that I expected anything.

You’ve all heard this before, but they told me they’d cover my tuition, then when I went to University, I got nothing.

Note: It’s not the money that upsets me. I don’t want you to think that I expected them to pay for my tuition, but it’s the fact that they LIED to me about having saved money aside for me.

I’d rather they had not said anything about paying for it, and then surprised me when I graduated with money (if they had it) instead of building that lie up and then pretending they never promised me anything when I was younger.

Some commenters have tried to burn me on this asking me why I expected any money, and that my parents probably didn’t have the cash for it, but that’s all moot.

They lied.

Besides, they also had the money. They just lost it gambling and making poor choices.


Once I left at 19, I covered tuition, and all living expenses up until present day (hence the $60,000 debt) and when I went home briefly last year to my parents for a project, I paid rent ($600/month), food and I also have to help do chores around the house.

If I stay longer than 2 weeks, I have to pay rent.

I am also expected to treat them to dinners and when we go out to eat, I always have to pay. Unless my siblings are there, then another one might take the bill instead.

In addition, if a kettle breaks, or if they don’t have winter clothing, it is not expected that I pay for it, but my parents do hint with a tinge of guilt for good measure.

At least, my father does.

My mom doesn’t ever hint because she doesn’t want to burden anyone, I guess it’s why I’m more partial to buying things for her. She never asks, and I really feel bad when I see that she needs basic items like warm gloves or a hat.

Anyway, they’re really good at hinting, so good that I’ve taken to pre-empting them and I don’t put up a fight.

Lately, they were hinting for me to give them $2500/year for retirement and help pay $5000 for part of a new car.

I don’t respond to these particular comments or hints because it’s a LOT of money to be asking for when I was in heavy debt a while back and I was just starting out in my life so I felt really irritated.

It was as though they kicked me out on my butt, didn’t help me whatsoever financially, and now they’re turning around and asking me for money for their financial well being.

I wouldn’t ever say No, but I don’t think I’m going to give them ANY money for their retirement or for a new car because they can afford it and have an inflated sense of entitlement, being my parents.. and a selective memory about what they did for ME financially.

I’m not bitter towards them .. how can I be? They’re my parents! So don’t give me hater comments. I just try to avoid talking about money with them because it gets me riled up.

Hence the limited visits back home. Like once a year.

I am thinking of going back next time and staying with friends to avoid them just this once.

So, what about you?

About the Author

Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver. I cleared $60,000 in 18 months earning $65,000 gross/year. Now I am self-employed, and you can read more about my story here, or visit my other blog: The Everyday Minimalist.