I used to never want kids because of what I saw.
Kids were disrespectful, uncontrollable in public, whiny, and just cranky overall.
I’m not saying that ALL kids (or my future kids) will never be any of those things, but there ARE parents out there who know how to parent, and I’ve seen their children.
Their children are polite, respectful, they listen to their parents and they understand when their parents say “No” they mean it.
Parents who don’t raise their kids properly, are to blame. Please, save the hate mail and hateful comments saying “FB you don’t have kids, you don’t know what it’s like!”…
Kids cry and get whiny for no reason. I GET IT. I’ve been there and I’ve experienced it.
I don’t have kids of my own, but I do have nieces and nephews. I helped raise them too. And they grew up in a structure with rules and boundaries. No one ever expected that they would be free to ‘do their thing’, because kids just simply DO NOT KNOW unless you tell them and parent them.
Case in point. One day, we were in a store. My nephew started whining and running at all the shelves with the stuffed toys trying to jump on them. My sister in law couldn’t control him whatsoever and kept on trying to use parenting that she learned in the books by telling him “Sweetie, stop! Please stop, for Mommy”.
I walked up, hoisted him up on my hip and told him that if he didn’t behave and stop whining, we’d leave immediately and he would not be getting a toy from me for his birthday (which was…that day).
He seemed to understand. Until he tested the boundaries again. I picked him back up again, repeated that I meant what I said, and walked out of the store with him shocked in my arms, bawling a storm in my arms and trying to squirm out of my hands.
We got to the car, my sister in law followed in half shock, and we drove him home where he stopped crying with some coddling from my sister in law. I had meant what I said.
A couple days later, he started whining about eating his cereal and bananas, asking for chocolate. I took him by the hand and told him that if he didn’t behave and listen to his mother to finish his breakfast, we wouldn’t be going to the park that day together and would stay inside instead. He immediately shut up because he knew I meant what I said.
BOUNDARIES. It may not work all the time, but you have to mean what you say, especially to children.
But then I just realized that parents aren’t able to teach their kids discipline and respect because they were never taught those values growing up. You get what you deserve.
What’s worse, is that these parents expect society to parent their kids for them!
It’s not that I mind the concept of ‘it takes a village to raise a child’, but the village isn’t really allowed to really parent them. The power seems to only be one way.
In my days, the ‘village’ were my aunts, uncles, and close family members who could whup my ass at any moment’s notice and have the approval of my parents because these adults were the bosses, even if they weren’t your parents, and we as kids, knew it.
But these parents can’t have it both ways.
If you get mad and rude at a stranger who shows concerned panic and talks firmly to your child to stay away from the bonfire because they were being naughty and trying to poke at it with a stick while you had your back to them chatting it up with your friends and letting your toddler RUN FREE, then don’t expect us to be too thrilled to try to do that again because we may just get yelled at for trying to keep your kids safe.
It’s a two way street.
Lax or non-existent parenting, is what I call it.
I understand if you are busy with your other kids and you just lose sight of your little one because they like to toddle away.
Or if you were trying to handle a heavy bag and your child slips from your grip and runs around the parking lot, then I’m going to run to stop them from being backed over by a car.
But if you just LET your kid run free because you think “they’ll be fine, there are other people around and the cars are going to watch out for them when they back up” then that’s when I get irritated.
Anyway….
Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver.
I cleared $60,000 in 18 months earning $65,000 gross/year.
Now I am self-employed, and you can read more about 
I agree that some parents don’t CARE whether their children are well behaved and don’t parent them. I do however have to say that I have 3 children. I have parented them all the same. The first and the third are angels and very well behaved. My middle child however has been a handful. Consider that all children are not the same. Should an autistic child or hyper child never see a movie or go shopping? Living almost Large” I think it would have been better to ASK the parent to get the child to quit kicking a seat etc. Because #1 That is a bad example to set and #2 you’re going to come across a parent that is going to discipline YOU.
I could not agree more completely or fundamentally. Today’s entitlement breeders really need to learn a thing or two about raising their children with boundaries and discipline, The difference between the two is stark; the children of effective parents are a pleasure to be around, while the others… rather less so. Good on you for telling it like it is.
I am a bad person. In the movie theater I’ve embarrassed my DH when I turned around and said stop kicking my chair or I will have you removed. The parents were extremely embarrassed and moved. I have no idea if the kid kicked the next person’s chair.
When out at dinner in a booth I have gotten up and said stop hitting me on the head or else. And the or else. Again I would call the manager and complain loudly. Trust me, I’ve worked in food service, the manager hates to upset anyone, but its’ easier to ask a parent to take a child outside when it’s apparent the kid is being bad.
I’ll probably be crucified for saying this, but … I’m a firm believer in spanking. Obviously not all the time, I am a believer in warnings first, and obviously not so hard that your child suffers injury.
There seems to be so much publicity and bad press over spanking these days – and that it amounts to child abuse. I am horrified at the notion of child abuse but people who are going to abuse their children are going to do it anyway, regardless of whether they are told not to spank them.
I only remember a handful of times I was spanked as a child, and looking back, I deserved it! And compared to children I see these days – I was an absolute angel!
(I should note I don’t have kids)
Amen. I totally agree. I have three kids (8, 6, 2) and constantly get compliments on how well behaved they are (even when in my opinion they are being little trolls). And K-money is SO right about parents expecting the teachers to raise their kids. Frustrating! We had an incident in our neighbourhood a while ago (king of the hill, minor shoving thing) and parents were phoning the school, phoning me wanting the name of the bus driver . . . it happened 40 minutes after the end of the school day, how in the world were either the school or the bus driver responsible? Nuh-uh. It was either YOU or your BABYSITTER who dropped the ball and was not supervising. The little years are totally when the rules and boundaries are set. Good for you FB for setting them with you nephew. (btw, I know many parents who would be completely affronted of what you did, thinking that since they had the means to supply their child with ‘everything’ then ‘everything’ they shall have . . materialisticly speaking, of course).
I’m so happy to be reading these comments and hearing that your kids (or kids you know) aren’t like that.
I do agree that kids should not be let out past their nap time or bed time because it’s just asking for trouble.
Saved to Save: LOL.. the fear of God.
Alex: I can’t believe she yelled at you for that! I’d thank you.
Always Pretty: Oh. Sugar. Not good.
My nieces and nephews are on the most part, well behaved. But they get spoiled a lot. Not by me of course, but my parents and my sibs spoil ’em fairly rotten that needs a little adjusting from time to time.
I agree with you on this 100%. 100%!
Kids actually want boundaries, they test limits to find out where they are. Limits are safety, and a child without limits will only act out more.
I have friends who are teachers and one thing they say to me is that lack of parent participation is a huge problem that is reflected in the behavior of students. Parents send kids to school and expect teachers to do the parenting work as well as teach actual knowledge.
parents need to mean what they say and call kids bluff instead of making threats that they don’t carry out.
and once you get past pre-school stage there’s a very easy way to make kid’s behave in the shops, just threaten to sing along loudly to the store music if they muck up. I only had to do it once 🙂
It’s true that it is no one else’s reponsibility to raise your children. You should be a committed engaged parent who sets boundaries and instills good values. However the “it takes a village” concept is about having a support system. While good parenting is key it’s hard to mold your children in to good adults when your communities are crumbling around you. Children need love and discipline, but they also need safe housing and safe places to play, access to a quality education and a society that is committed to giving everyone a chance to succeed in life.
Oh, man. That type of patents drive me nuts.
I was at the grocery store once, and there was this little toddler, like maybe 2 years old, in line at the check stand in front of us and he was standing in the child’s seat of the cart. The two girls who were with him were like 15 or 16, and they weren’t paying any attention to him. Then he started wiggling and the cart started shaking and he was loosing his balance, so, as a reflex, I reached out and grabbed him to steady him so he wouldn’t fall. Those girls went off on me. One of them started screaming at me about how dare I touch her baby and the other girl was egging her on with comments like “Kick her fucking ass.” Stuff like that. Real classy girls, but anyways… I didn’t even try to explain my side of the story. There was no point. And I will never try to “parent” another person’s child again.
LMBO when I see those kids, i think to myself what my mother used to say when my siblings and I even got the twinkle in our eye to start acting up…it was that “WAIT TILL WE GET in the car/HOME LOOK” I mean that put the fear of God into us. I believe in strongly the spare the rod, ruin the child policy. There is nothing wrong in disciplining a child.
I agree my village consisted of aunts and uncles who would whup me at any given point. Kids these days much less parents these days are not cut from the same cloth as my parent generation. I remember my mother would say while she was beating us, “go head call the police” and would hand us the phone while she whupped us…lol those were the days.
I completely agree with you on this one. My kids will not be “those kids” either. Amen, girl!
I agree with your sentiment. Smartbykrae is right, I see lots of little kids out after “bed time”. They either look like zombies or they are running amok.
The strangest part is these parents are making their lives a thousand times more difficult than if they kept their kids in line (like Supernanny or the Dog Whisperer).
Too many parents expect their young children to behave and think like reasonable, rational adults when it is not possible. There are too many adults that are not capable or reasonable and rational behavior, how is a 5 year old going to manage?
Kids will do what they think they can get away with as a way of finding the boundary. Without making it very clear, like FB said, you are just asking for trouble. Imagine these kids at 13 or 14 when they are still thinking like little kids, but have almost adult bodies. Try to keep them in line then (I don’t mean anything physical. It is easier to exert your authority over a kid who is 1/3 your size and get them used to the idea that you are the boss. Then by the time puberty hits that idea is firmly implanted in their brain.)
To drive a car – You need a license.
To own a gun – You need a license.
To bring a life into the world…you know.
It’s not easy to raise kids by any means (we have 2 with another on the way). It’s a process that you learn.
Kids definitely need boundaries and parents are the ones who should be setting them. But parents should accept the occasional help from others too.
FB – I have two children. Both are now teenagers. I TOTALLY agree with you. I taught my children early that whatever I said I meant. As they got older they knew that if they disagreed they were allowed to say so but NOT in front of there friends or others. One thing that DRIVES ME CRAZY is parents screaming at their children out in public. No wonder the children don’t know how to act.
As a teacher, I’ve met more than my share of parents who say “My kids just dont’ listen (age 12/13/14). What do you do to your kids to make them listen??? “Well when they were two, I said no, and I meant it” is what wants to come tumbling out of my mouth.
My boys, then 12 and 9, were with me in Walmart, standing behind another mother with a child about 10ish who was having a hissy because he couldn’t have such’n’such at the register. Ten!! The mother was beside herself saying things like you said “Please listen to mommy”. She was contributing as much to this scene as the child as they struggled for power.
My 12 year old smirks, winks at me, grabs a chocolate bar and starts ‘cmon mom I want it’. The nine year old looks at him and says “What are you?? New???????? Hissy fits will get you NOTHING this time AND next time” Was all we could do to hold it together while the 10 year old stopped and stared. When we got to to van I thanked them, as I always do, for NOT being a hissy fitter when they were younger.
I feel the same way.
Most people in our generation, and now their children were not raised with any kind of discipline.
While I don’t condone all-out spankings (I really hated them as a child) firm words and a light smack (if deserving) can do wonders to put a child back in their place. The smack is not to hurt the child, but a physical remdinder that they’re behaving badly.
My mom only ever lightly smacked my hand or cheek (more of a brush of the hand, really), but the shock of knowing I was being “smacked” set me straight right away. I knew I had crossed the line at that point.
I hope no one takes this the wrong way..!
It’s true that you have to mean what you say.
I know somebody whose child is a terror. She’ll tell the child to stop doing what he’s doing or else XYZ will happen. Well I know, and the child knows too, that she never follows through on XYZ. It’s all empty threats. And the child keeps on being a terror because he knows he will always get away with it and get his way.
You have to set limits and you have to follow through – there need to be consequences and you need to enforce them.
I totally agree with you. Especially, because I work in a grocery store and you would be amazed what some parents let there kids do. They just run around, some even let there kids get away with opening packages of cookies or cupcakes. (I work in the bakery. :P) We do that stupid kid’s club cookie thing, and some kids I hate giving cookies. Isn’t that mean? But they are being so bad! Why should they be rewarded for misbehaving and whining? But on the other hand, there are some of the most adorable well behaved kids that come in. There are some kids that come every week, who I actually look forward to seeing. In fact, before I met some of the kids that talk to me weekly now, I really didn’t want to have kids. But I’ve worked in a bakery for four years now, and some of the kids I have seen grow up. I”ve made their borthday cakes every year, and seen them every week. Some of them I remember their parent’s taught them how to say my name so they could suprise me the next time they were in the store. It’s adorable.
I want to have kids that people look forward to being around.
Debt Dieter is totally right. You can’t expect a toddler to behave himself when he’s tired, bored and hungry. Older kids should know to behave, but it helps if they also get to spend part of the day doing something they enjoy.
Teenagers are no more well behaved than toddlers these days. The conventions I go to are filled with high schoolers who are rude, get into fights at the drop of a hat, are destructive to public/private property, and are dressed like prostitutes.
My children will probably hate me, because I plan to raise them like my parents raised me. With boundaries and consequences for their actions, expectations for high grades, no personal electronics until they’re in high school, having to know where they are and who they’re with at all times, no inappropriate clothing and no makeup until they’re well into high school…
– Frugal Urbanite
so on board with this!
the way kids run amok today in any public space – its scary coz, if a kid comes whizzing at you, you arent really ‘allowed’ to do anything / say anything as the mother will shoot you a mean look….but then, she herself wont do a damn thing – that is even more annoying!
it was quite similar with me, when i was a kid – any adult was the boss – didnt have to be my folks, and so long as my uncle or aunt was right, my parents never contradicted them in their parenting (me and my sis) – kind of drove home the point that it doesnt matter who is around, you simply cant run amok just coz you are a kid!
Good, someone said it. I just had this same conversation at work and with my mother over the weekend. It seems like people just don’t teach their kids respect anymore. Growing up, it never would have occurred to me to argue with my mother at home, let alone cause a scene in public…
I am in total agreement with this posting!!
People are too selfish now a days and don’t want to be bothered with all the work involved with raising children.
smart: That’s a good point.
Debt Dieter: And the kids get cranky because Mommy is shopping for shoes all day.. then they eat junk in the food court and get all hyper. Nice.
I couldn’t agree more. I’d also like to add those parents who try to drag their kids around the mall for 5-6 hours are doing nobody in their ‘village’ a favour…
It’d help too if parents weren’t so self-absorbed and eternally rushed so that they NEVER took their kids out of the house a) during naptime or b) after 8 PM. That’s half of all poor public behavior right there.
It’d help too if parents weren’t so self-absorbed and eternally rushed so that they NEVER took their kids out of the house a) during naptime or b) after 8 PM. That’s half of all poor public behavior right there.