This is something up for debate, clearly… but do we believe that there is one, single person out there who is meant for us?
I don’t. I’ve met the best match possible for my personality and life, and I am not knocking that he is The One (so to speak), but we live in a world of almost 7 billion people.
It just.. cannot be mathematically possible to be in a world of 7 billion people and only be meant for ONE person. At least, not in my mind.
However, other factors come into play at this point. I’d never move to a country out of the blue that didn’t at least speak some half broken English. A lot of countries are cut out at this point. And I also have never travelled extensively around the world, so how can I meet these other people that I click with romantically if I never travel to see them?
So it all boils down to proximity, convenience and luck.
They say that most people end up marrying a person who lived 3 or 4 streets away from them as a kid.
How freaky is that?
But proximity plays a huge role. If you work together, live together, are in the same community, there is a higher chance of clicking with someone in that circle than someone in a community circle in England for example.
Convenience is another factor – what if they lived in another country and you lived here? Would you be just as willing to make it work? Even if they are “The One”?
For me, it takes a while to see if they are the one. Like a month of some intense dating and talking. But if it gets to be too complicated, expensive and stressful, it puts a strain on the relationship.
Luck is the last candy thrown into the mix. It was only by chance that I was put on an out of town project and I traveled to another city where I met BF. We worked for the same company, did the same job, but without having been put on this project — we never would have ever met.
I really don’t believe in a single soul mate. I do however, believe that we have many potential soul mates.
People that we click with to a certain degree and depending on what you’re looking for, you may end up holding out for the one person that fits you 99.9999% or if you’re easy going, settle for someone who makes you happy at around 80%.
Either way is totally, utterly, perfectly FINE. It’s what YOU feel comfortable with and are happy with, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise or make you feel bad for holding out or what they deem to be ‘settling’.
Just because your idea of Mr. Right or Ms. Right doesn’t match your friend’s idea (she may be looking for him to have half a million banked at a young age or something equally rare), does not mean he’s the wrong guy, or she’s the wrong woman for you.
So just how am I coming up with these percentages and how would I calculate how well a person fits with another?
I have no freaking clue.
I do however, know that if the relationship takes a lot of effort in terms of always having to fight or argue over the most mundane things, or if your energy keeps getting drained just trying to keep the relationship alive, then it isn’t worth it.
But if you are in a relationship where he or she understands you, loves you for who you are, and you both are relatively on the same page in terms of Children, Finances, Religion and Politics, then consider yourself one of hte very lucky ones.
You have found each other against all the odds and factors mentioned above.
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I generally say that if you’re asking if soulmates exist or how to tell if this guy is ‘the one’, well…you haven’t found him yet. I’m not saying that there’s only one to be had, but you definitely know it if you have it.
I have NEVER believed in the idea of one, single soulmate. I think a lot of that could be religious, though… if there’s only one person out there for you, that kind of goes hand in hand with fate and destiny and where’s free will? It can get pretty complicated but at the end of the day, there’s more than one person that fits all of us, the trick is just to find one of them and hope you fit them back.
I hope there’s more than one out there, and that he shows up soon!
Wow, I’m going to be the odd woman out here. While I think soulmates come in many different forms – friends, pets, lovers, etc. – and in that sense there is not just one, I do believe that there is that one person we’re meant to find. If it’s meant to happen, it will. If not, it won’t. FB, the fact that you got a project that brought you to your current BF sounds a lot like what I’m talking about.
I can see your argument for luck and proximity, but convenience? Not so much. If it’s a relationship of convenience, then it’s not a relationship of love. If you don’t love that person, I don’t see the point in being together.
Hi FB. I know you read my post “The Great Soulmate Debate” (because you commented- LOL), but I don’t know if you read all of the other comments. The comment that I think is most brilliant happens to come from my BFF:
“As you know, I am happily married to the love of my life. I do not however, believe in soul mates. The term itself indicates that the relationship just flows easily with no bumps in the road ever. My husband and I work on our relationship everyday-somedays we work really hard. Don’t get me wrong though, there are many days when everything does just flow and it’s pure bliss.
I think that there are other people in this world I could have met and married and been perfectly happy with. I was lucky enough to meet my hubby first and decide I wanted to marry him.
Any relationship is 50/50. And the idea that there is only this one magical person for you in the entire world sets ridiculous standards. No wonder women are starving themselves and botoxing their faces beyond recognition just hoping that this one magical creature will find them and like them. Destiny and fate are one thing, but soulmates is just a term made up by the hallmark industry and desperate women. You see, that way when we are single (gasp) we can just say “oh well, he just wasn’t my soulmate” rather than looking at oursleves and seeing what we may have done wrong.
Now let me step down from my soap-box…”
I ditto what High-heel gal said!
I believe I have met my only one… but the guys I dated before were also in a way meant for me and made me who I am today.
But well, I believe in God, so I believe He made that guy for me and me for that guy. If I only believed in math (which I study btw.), I’d probably have different views.
I think the concept of “The One” is a marketing scheme to sell Hallmark cards and bad made-for-tv movies. Its just like the ridiculous wedding and parenting fantasies we’re force fed, all for the sake of someone making a few bucks because your love couldn’t possibly be PERFECT without that $9000 vera wang dress (no offense vera, they’re very pretty), or that you’re a bad mother if you don’t do baby yoga and feel blessed through every single second of your pregnancy. Please. The reality is that even love is imperfect, and thats whats so great about it.
I believe I have found my man. I don’t refer to him as “The One” even though my friends are gagging for me to. I love him more than I will probably ever love anyone else, we have been through thick and thin, he lights me up just by walking into the room, and we always have a good time together. We don’t fight too much, only about stuff worth fighting about, and we do it constructively. Is he “The One”? Why bother comparing him to some ideal? What’s the point? Is he my soulmate? He’s definately one of them. But I have two girlfriends who are too, and an ex, even though we could never ever work as a couple. They all fill a certain need in me, and they will all be there for me for the rest of my life. Its kind of the “sex and the city” notion that maybe your soulmate isn’t necessarily a man, maybe its whoever it is that fulfills you and makes you feel like the best possible version of you.
I will agree with you about the proximity thing. So many of my friends married guys they went to high school with and I hope they’re happy, but it just strikes me that they’ve settled for fear of never finding something better. I’m not interested in settling for anything less than pure happiness, I’d rather be alone than settle.
I am totally opposed to the whole idea that there is a single person who is your perfect match.
There are many people out there who we would be compatible with & could spend the rest of our lives with & be reasonably happy with. It's not a very romantic notion, but how often does someone fall in love with another person who is 100% what they are looking for?
Thinking that you have to meet "The One" will set a person up for disappointment. My perfect man would itch to give me backrubs all day. I didn't find him, I found someone better.
I actually do believe that there is one person in the world that fits you best. However, there are probably 10 people that fit you The Best – .001%, and 1000 that are The Best – 1%, etc. Basically I think that there is a pyramid shape. I happen to think that my darling husband is very near the top of the pyramid.
Re: Proximity – I suspect another reason that proximity is a factor is that people who grew up around your neighborhood have a shared cultural background with you. I don’t mean ethnicity, but rather you both share values that have to do with your environment. My husband and I grew up 1000km apart, and he is 10 years older than I am, but the town he grew up in was very much like mine – less than 10000 people, very small, mostly rural, and I think that sharing that background makes up more compatible.
I believe that there are several people that can be considered our soul mate at different times in our life. As we all grow and mature if our mate grows in a different direction then we need to find a different soul mate that fits what our life is at that time. I hope I make sense.
Someone who is your sould mate now could potentially grow out of that if you don’t stay on the same page so there could definitely be several soul mates in our life time.
I’ve always believed that finding “the one” involved finding someone with the same values, that I could get along with for the rest of my life. Do I believe that only one person in this world fits the bill? Of course not! I think there are plenty of men that would be suitable. It’s a matter of timing and a bit of luck. When I meet a nice guy that’s ready to settle down when I’m ready to settle down, then that will be my soul mate.
Proximity, convenience and luck covers it. The idea of “one soul mate” is something people should get over once they stop believing in Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy.
Great post…sounds like fate to me! I dated a lot of real winners before finally meeting my husband right before college, when we met, we just knew…and dated through college, got married, and the rest is history. I do believe in my heart that we are met for one person…it’s just a matter of if you happen to come across that person, some never find their true love!
Personally, there is no soul mate, just a number of people that we get along with really well, whether or not it becomes a lasting relationship is up to luck.
And I’m just not looking. I can no longer be bothered after a really good length of time alone (some self imposed but recently not). Something about me not acceptable I guess, who knows?
I definitely believe we all have more than one soulmate out there. I mean, think about it – if you live in NYC, then it’s most likely that you’ll find a soulmate there. But, what about the West Coast? What if you lived there? Would you ever meet that same soulmate from NYC? Probably not. I guess finding your soulmate depends a lot on where you are geographically. Which is exactly why I move quite often 😉
I agree with what you said about the whole proximity thing.