I was just thinking about this the other day.
I had a friend come up to me and over a cup of coffee, guiltily confessed that she felt bad for making so much money especially in this ‘recession’ or economic crisis.
I told her that she deserved the money, and that she was just being paid what she was worth, so making good money is not anything to be ashamed of.
She kind of agreed, but told me it was hard to feel that way, knowing that other people around her – friends and family – were losing their jobs and entering into a kind of panic mode. She just felt so guilty, she wanted to start giving her money away to help people.
I told her she couldn’t save the world, but she could (if she wanted), step in and offer assistance IF she thought it would be appropriate and if they would not be insulted and accept the gift. I told her that people had a lot of pride and they’d rather go into debt in some cases, than accept help from others.
But now she’s feeling more pangs of yuppie guilt. She can’t even talk about the new shoes she bought (Loubous) without feeling guilty because that $600+ she spent on the shoes could have been enough to feed a family for a month and a bit if they scrimped.
She just felt so guilty for having those shoes when that amount of money could’ve gone to something worthier (in her eyes) that she felt like her enthusiastic and excited purchase of the shoes were dampened and a bit ruined for her.
On the site that I love Trend Watching, they’re coining the term “Luxyoury” as being the new chic thing in 2009. The basic idea is that luxury is now defined by YOU, and it’s almost got a feeling of bohemian, shabby chic.
For example, there are hotels out there now called “Deluxe Bohemian” or “Rough Luxe” that include re-upholstered furniture from salvage shops or flea markets, and now have small funky rooms with carefully positioned touches of ‘rough luxury’.
I’m a bit lost as to the whole concept, but I guess the idea is to be conscious of not being opulent, or flaunting your wealth, and using second-hand items coupled with top notch service that you still pay for through the nose, but feel better about it because it’s carefully crafted to be bohemian chic.
Trend watching concludes:
Whatever angle you may go for, luxury in 2009 will comprise much, much more than ostentatiously flaunting wealth (which, by the way, will still enjoy considerable popularity among emerging middle classes around the world).
I think this is a recurring feeling for many of us who have very good jobs in this economy (Not me! I am unemployed as of yesterday with no new project in sight :P), and I’m noticing that my friends who I KNOW have good jobs, are starting to scale back on their shopping and to (guiltily) hide their purchases, not talk about them or feel like they have to go along with the crowd and moan about how they have no money.
They HAVE money, they just feel like they should fit in too, or become ostracized. And they want to enjoy their money, but feel like if they go to a Four Seasons hotel, they’re going to get snubbed by their less fortunate friends, so they say they went to a Rough Luxury hotel (see Trendwatching above), and they feel better about the choice because now they can enjoy luxury, disguised as a clever marketing campaign.
Now when they go on vacation, they can talk about other aspects of their hotel and trip rather than how fabulously opulent it was – they are able to focus on how the hotel (for example) has second-hand furniture that’s very eco-friendly.
And to them, it’d be a win-win.
They get to go on vacation, stay in an interesting hotel that still boasts top notch service that you’d get at Four Seasons, you still pay through the nose, but no one thinks you did because the hotel used second-hand furniture.
But what’s the point? If I go on vacation, I’d like to GO ON VACATION.
I may not gush about how expensive and opulent it was, and how much of a fabulous time I had, but I’d like to think that my friends and family are HAPPY for me that I took the time off to go on vacation.
Sure, they can be jealous (I get jealous of them too!) but overall, the mood should be Good for them. I’m glad they got away, they needed the break. Maybe next year we can save and do that too once we get through this.
And then on top of that, throw on the pile of guilt we feel as DINKs (Dual Income No Kids) and all the free money that we’re just stashing away, and you just clam up when people talk about money and how much they’re losing or not making around you.
See, it’s why I need a blog!
Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver.
I cleared $60,000 in 18 months earning $65,000 gross/year.
Now I am self-employed, and you can read more about 
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150507089955942&set=a.469813215941.261399.175868780941&type=1&theater
I don’t think the guilt should be associated with making more money as much as it might be associated with what you do with that money. A new pair of shoes or a couple meals for people down at your local homeless shelter. These are the types of decisions I wrestle with.
Franco
Interesting topic!
I’m doing well financially. I make a decent amount of money at a job that is looking pretty safe, and I have a paid-off home and no other debt. Sometimes I do feel guilty about the fact that I’m not suffering, and that’s part of why I upped my charity contributions and organized a food drive this year.
At the same time, I work hard for what I have and I exercise common sense with my spending. I’m lucky, sure, but there’s a LOT more than luck responsible for where I’m at in my life right now. All the same, I’m not going around telling people about it.
We’re definitely not rolling in the dough, but we’re not suffering either. We have no debt and have a good chunk of money in savings, not because we make a lot of money but because we’ve been smart with our finances.
Even though we aren’t making more than anyone we know, we’re still doing better than they are because we were wiser with our money. I feel bad for them, but I don’t feel guilty that I’m doing well.
Those of you with tons of money should keep spending! It’s better for the economy!
Hi there
I LOVE your blog today! We save our money and make sure that we have an emergency fund etc. especially as we run our own business, so while we may cut back during an economic downturn, we also plan for it. We try to take advantage of “lower prices” on bigger ticket items. Our TV is about to blow – guess what we will buy in January?
Now having said that – we won’t brag about it as we know others may be hurting.
Great blog!
I wrote about it recently.
Guilt from success. http://www.livingalmostlarge.com/2008/11/25/guilt-from-success/
Last night we went out to eat and left a 35% tip because it’s the holidays and we’re doing well.
YES! I’ve been feeling guilty over buying myself a KitchenAid mixer when I keep hearing about people getting laid off!
I think everyone has to decide for themselves how they want to divy up their money. If you can truly afford something and your finances are in order, then I don’t see a problem with buying nice things that you truly like. But if you feel guilty, then maybe you should be doing more to help others. They aren’t mutually exclusive!
My husband and I bring in a good bit of money, especially compared to our friends. Even though we’re paying off a lot of debt from leaner times, we aren’t living paycheck to paycheck like some of our friends. We really appreciate the many ways we’ve been helped to our current position, so we like it when we can help others out. Who knows, we may need their help someday.
I confess I don’t feel any guilt about being better off than someone else in this economic climate, nor am I envious of those people better off than me really. I work hard for my money.
I think some people may feel that they’re expected to feel guilty or be humble or whatever, personally I find it boring (not your article, the ridiculous guilt part), and essentially a new socially acceptable form of bragging about how well off your are. It’s certainly not classy.
Your friend for example, she earns good money, and went on about how the $600 could help a needy family, but she still bought the shoes, so she’s not that guilty or she would have done something else with the money, even if it was to keep it in the bank.
However, using the ‘yuppie guilt’ angle, she still gets to show off about about her new shoes, but in a socially acceptable manner!
Thanks guys. I’m glad the article wasn’t taken the wrong way.. Tried to word it so it was less aggressive 😛
Love the discussion!!!
An interesting angle and obvious dilemna for people right now. Of course, another way to look at things is that people who are still employed and have money – if they don’t spend it and just squirrel it all away, then they are not doing their part to help their local establishments stay in business. Maybe not a good idea to just give $$$ to your neighbors, but I bet you could buy a dress from the local boutique or eat in a nearby restaurant or buy a painting from your cousin.
Many ways to do it. And if they are really feeling guilty about staying at the Four Seasons, just so happens that luxury hotels right now are really feeling the pinch and are offering low rates and really good deals. So maybe they can just feel like they are super savvy for getting a deal on how they like to live, rather than extravagantly spending in tough times.
To be up front, I work for a luxury hotel site: http://www.perfectescapes.com
We publish a weekly newsletter about hotel deals at luxury hotels. You should check it out.
Hah. Not to downplay their feelings, I’m just chuckling at the thought that I feel guilty for not having done better by this point. We all have strange guilt triggers, some more common than others, but I don’t see why people who are able to earn good money should feel bad about themselves for enjoying their lives, as long as they are saving for their future so we don’t have to bail them out after all the good livin’.
It’s like feeling guilty for doing well after working your butt off for it… why do it? If you feel compelled to do something good for others, than choose to do something that has impact and do it. Maybe it’s just that simple to me because I don’t have all that money to feel guilty over, though. 😉
I LOVE THIS POST 🙂
Thank you, thank you, thank you for posting this. THIS is what I meant through my post about Americas Cheapest Family
Somehow, it ended up coming across as a snotty rebuttal to the cheapies.
But hey, if you’ve worked hard, why not play hard and hope for the best, right?
Cheers to your friend, I hope she enjoys her shoes.
I’ve experienced this a tiny bit – mainly in that I still make good money and my job isn’t going anywhere. And we have the dual income thing going on, but we are just trying to keep things low key and save what we can.
I am so feeling it too. I am lucky to have a job – it doesn’t pay much, but I do get sick and annual leave paid off and holidays too. But I have an aunt who has survived cancer THREE times who can’t get a job. Why? Because she is in her mid-50s, has had cancer 3 times which they find out about when they ask why she was fired/quit/let go when checking her references, and she only went to college for a year – art school – so no credits really – back in the 70s. So… she rubs in everyones face all the time how she has it so hard. Does she? She gets unemployment checks, her kids both ask for any money from her and are college students, she lives rent free with my grandparents, and she refuses to apply for jobs in retail or fast food – which at least would help her get back on her feet! She tried to guilt everyone out of doing our annual Christmas drawing because “it’s so expensive” – the budget for presents is $20 – for one – and for 2, she goes and spend $50 a month on getting her hair cut and colored, and does it 2 hours away – which is gas she has to pay for too.
Yuppie Guilt. Don’t ask me what I am doing, and when I tell you, get mad at me. Jeez!