Debt Hater finished $300 in the hole for eating out in her category because when her husband said that they were taking his best friend & wife out to dinner for their birthday, they didn’t discuss beforehand whether or not it was a treat (i.e. they foot the entire bill) or just a nice gesture.
Read the original post here.
For me, when I say to a friend: I’m taking you out to dinner for your birthday, they should assume that I’m treating. If not, the way to get around it is: Let’s go out to dinner to celebrate your birthday… but even then, it’s THEIR birthday and they shouldn’t have to pay (anyway, that’s my assumption) unless they invite me specifically saying: please come out to my birthday dinner.
How about if it wasn’t a birthday situation? Should you have to pay if you said “hey, let’s go to dinner“? In that situation, I don’t feel obligated to pay. It isn’t a special occasion that warrants a treat for any occasion, and it’s just an invite so you both don’t have to eat alone.
What do you think
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I basically agree with everything you just said.
When it comes to friends and money, it’s always a sticky situation. I’ve gone on many a birthday dinner for a friend or family dinner and having had to pay for myself. And I’m OK with that, because it’s assumed and I’m not expecting a free meal, and it gives me the opportunity to see friends and check out new places. And if I want to have a birthday dinner at a restaurant, it’ll be assumed the everyone will take care of themselves and I will take care of myself. Unless there’s a more explicit instruction, I’ll always expect to pay for what I order. When in doubt, ask who’s responsible.
See I read her post differently. It was her “guy’s best friend and wife” — so maybe she expected her guy to pay, since it was his friend, and she didn’t expect to have to split the bill w/ her guy. I don’t think she was saying that the birthday people should have paid.
I believe the birthday boy or girl shouldn’t have to pay under most circumstances.
That doesn’t extend to their partner or kids though, just the birthday person.
Ahhhh – how timely this post is. I have to say that when I say “Let’s go out for your b’day” or “Let me take you out for your b’day”, etc., the birthday gal/guy is NOT paying. One of my girlfriends and I trade off lunch – one week she picks up the check, the other I pick it up. I’m rarely surprised by the bill or unprepared for it.
I have to agree with the points you set forth.
i totally agree! i would still offer to split the bill tho, just to be polite =)
wow that sucks. i think, in general, that if it is your birthday, you should NOT pay for your own dinner.
If we’re celebrating something for someone, I pretty much think that the guest of honor is not going to pay unless they are the ones hosting/organizing the event. But in a non-celebration situation where a friend asks, “hey, let’s go out to dinner,” then I do expect that we will be splitting the bill. We would have to agree upon a place that we can afford.
Rule of thumb: if you invite someone, you pay. Saying that you’re “taking” someone to dinner implies that you’re paying. If you said, “Hey, let’s go to dinner,” or “Why don’t we go to dinner,” and it wasn’t a special occasion, then you both pay.
For a birthday, if you’re the one broaching the idea, expect to pay.
Its nice to pay the bill on a friend’s birthday but shouldn’t it be an option instead of a obligation? I always take my friends out for their birthday and I pay the bill but the difference is that they offer to pay whether than just looking at me crazy when the bill arrives at the table. So birthday or not, I think a person should offer to pay!
A birthday out is a treat. NO questions asked. Especially if you say I’m taking you out for your birthday.
If you say perhaps we can meet for lunch for your birthday maybe you can go dutch.
I completely agree with you– if you ask someone out for their birthday you have to pay. If a friend is coming up on a birthday and I don’t really have the cash to spend on a nice dinner at the time I usually invite them over and make something special.
When I just go out to dinner with friends we usually split… it’s more about hanging out and spending time together than getting a free meal.
in general, i’m of the mindset that if we’re out celebrating someone’s birthday, then they don’t pay. whether it’s said, “let me treat you to dinner for your birthday” or “let’s go out for your birthday”, in my circle, it’s understood that that means that the celebrant doesn’t pay. however, if i’m invited by the celebrant to attend their birthday dinner, then usually that means that the birthday girl/guy is hosting. it’s not likely that someone will say to you, “hey come to my dinner… now please foot the bill.”
I agree you with you — “I’m taking you out to dinner for your birthday” is for sure.
“Let’s go out to dinner to celebrate your birthday. ” is kind of ambiguous, one could argue one didn’t mean to treat, but then it’d mean an argument and at the very least uncertainty.
in chinese culture the birthday person treats and the others bring presents/money. at least that was what i understood. but nowadays treating the birthday person is quite common. more economical! otherwise it’d be double the expenditure. (one party pays for food, one party pays for presents)