We all have them. Deal breakers. Deal breakers for friendships, relationships, working careers and just about anything you can think of.
I once heard that a girl broke up with a guy (.. or was it that she refused to see him any longer?) because she found out that he ate his pizza folded in half.
HE FOLDED HIS PIZZA IN HALF.
OMG. That is NOT a real deal breaker.
REAL deal breakers are when you don’t tolerate the little things that they do that annoy you on a regular basis (like peeing and not flushing, or leaving you all the nasty gummy bears left in the bag), but when you truly, cannot continue a relationship with that person any longer.
I just thought it’d be fun to randomly list out what my deal breakers are…
My Dating Deal Breakers
– If he’s a smoker
– If he’s not financially careful/savvy (learned this one the hard way)
– If he’s not polite
– If he doesn’t at least keep in touch with his family (he doesn’t have to love them, just respect them)
– If he makes stupid jokes all the time to the same people so much that it gets old
– If he drinks a lot. And LOVES to drink, and thinks that partying = drinking
– When he can’t hold a conversation with me on a wide range of subjects. No need to be a a rocket scientist but at least have the brains to argue with me intelligently
– If he’s not open minded (about food, people, ideas). It’s one thing to have biases (I certainly do, LOL), but it’s another to be totally hard headed (hmm. this is a soft deal breaker because BF is like this when we argue but he knows when to leave the subject alone and move on)
My Work Deal Breakers
– When there’s no hope of real advancement other than rubbing shoulders with the ‘ol boys and it’s solely based on schmoozing not performance
– When they don’t pay me what I know I’m worth
– When they don’t treat me with respect
– When they don’t pay for the basics when you expect them (like travel, laundry if you stay away, etc)
Friendships
– When they give you crap for not calling — but they didn’t call EITHER!
– When all they can talk about it themselves and they just take take take
– When they’re rude to others
– When they’re snobby (I guess that’s rude too but… it’s a different shade of being rude)
Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver.
I cleared $60,000 in 18 months earning $65,000 gross/year.
Now I am self-employed, and you can read more about 
Great list! At work the big one for me is I have to be doing what I think is best for society/my clients. Like I couldn’t be a stockbroker because I believe they should all be in index funds (and I tried; I felt guilty about our fees and our performance relative to index funds). I could never work for, say, a check-cashing store or lobbyist or big tobacco. And opportunities for advancement aren’t as important to me as feeling valued and appreciated (and salary).
With friends, I can’t stand needy friends. Friends who text you constantly just to say hi or want you to go with them to everything they have to do in any given week (their family/work events, etc).
With guys, it’s hard to define a list though I can’t date someone who won’t “let me in” after a given amt of time. I have to feel emotionally intimate and like he is open and accepting of all of me, not just the nicest parts. Check my blog for my financial relationship dealbreakers.
PS – this is Meg of World of Wealth, not commenter #5
I should send you a friend’s list. It’s hilarious.
No jean shorts.
If he orders a salad, it’s over.
If he goes religiously to Sunday family dinners.
looks like ill be looking for another job soon as all of those deal breakers are on the list.
ugh.
*looking for tips on the best timing to leave a job*
thanks again,
~lissa
Children. Gotta have them, and specifically if a man I dated and married wasn’t comfortable with adopting they’d have to go. Since I’m not sure I can have kids the man would need to be okay with not having his “own” kids.
And my DH doesn’t care. But it’s a deal breaker to many men and I wouldn’t want them anyway.
FB i totally agree with you on the dating ones! more specifically
-if a guy would not give up his seat on the bus for an elderly person/pregnant woman – that is MAJOR DEAL BREAKER for me. It shows how polite hs is
– if he is not open to trying new foods… oh man i don’t care HOW good looking he is – shows that he is boring and i LOVE to eat!
Same here on friendships and then some. I expect a lot out of my close friends. I want friends who are hard-working, dependable, appreciative, loyal, trustworthy, generous with what they have, and respectful of me, people I’m with, and my things. I need a good support system without too much silly drama. In return, though, I hope my friends can expect all the same out of me.
Yes, I can be friendly with a lot of different people, and be very tolerant, too. Nobody’s perfect. But I don’t want to waste my time and resources on false friends.
I don’t want to make it sound like my friendships are all about money, but when I think of my true friends I think about people whom I trust enough to loan money to — but who don’t use me as a piggy bank and would have a hard time asking (if I know a friend needs help, I’ll offer). People say not to loan your friends money, but in a way, it’s a good way to see whom you can really trust. Just keep it to small sums and never loan anything you wouldn’t give ; ) But then, if someone doesn’t pay you back as expected, don’t give them a second or third or fourth chance. I also don’t help those who don’t help themselves. Freeloaders and bums need not apply.
Again, my friendships aren’t built on money, but I don’t think highly of people who don’t respect my money — or anything else of mine, for that matter. That’s my test and so far it’s worked pretty well, I’d say.
For me a deal breaker with a guy includes but not limited to: smoking, inability to claim ownership of his mistakes, rude to servers in restaurants, zero motivation, inability to to delay material gratification for long term financial success and not caring about my feelings or values.
Hmmm, good question. I’m sure this is not an all-encompassing list, but here are some of mine:
Dating:
-The guy is shorter than 5’10”. Yes, I know that’s shallow, but I like to wear heels without feeling like a giant. So sue me.
-He smokes or does any drugs other than pot (I’ll tolerate the occasional toke… occasional being the key word)
-He drinks in excess, or doesn’t drink at all, ever, even at social events
-It’s hard to keep a conversation going (this often happens with another introvert, because I’m a somewhat shy introvert and if you put two of us together it can be a very silent event! I often need someone outgoing to bring me out of my shell)
-He doesn’t support me (emotionally)
-He doesn’t include me in his thought process on things that are important to him or us
-He’s not on the same page as me with key values i.e. children, lifestyle, finances etc.
Work:
-No advancement opportunities
-I don’t feel like a valued member of the team
-I don’t like what the company stands for
-I don’t like the work AND I don’t feel like I’m doing something valuable. (I’d like to at least be having fun, or feel like I’m contributing something to society. Preferably both, but at least one of the above is important!)
Friends:
-They don’t make an effort to keep the friendship going
-I don’t think they’d be there for me in hard times
I agree with the friendship one on calling-that so works both ways!!
With you on many of the dating ones, especially smoking. A big deal breaker for me is if he brags about money/stature.
Re work, an unpleasant work environment will have me running!