FB Retro: Bachelor Pads

This is a FB Retro Post

Not his apartment.

One of my guy friends is lamenting about how he’s going to meet new women..

He’s a decent looking guy, nice personality, a bit quirky, but a genuinely pleasant person. Yet he can’t seem to find a date, or meet women. He’s not big on picking up girls at the bars for random one night stands, and he actually wants to meet a nice, decent person to have a solid relationship with. But none of the girls he’s been with, have lasted too long (a couple of dates, then they bolt).

Well, I finally saw his bachelor pad today.. and I can see what MIGHT be contributing to it.

Interestingly enough, I watched a show last night that expounded the 20 worst things about a bachelor pad. Here’s a couple memorable items that popped up on the list

1. Blowup dolls in the corner

2. Foosball/Air Hockey tables all over the place

3. Random papers and junk on the floor, and the carpet is classified as “burn proof”, and has never been touched by a vacuum in the past 2 years

4. Limited furniture, but a state of the art sound system

5. Collectibles and other such TOYS all over the place

6. Only beer in the fridge

7. Sheets are satin, silk, or ragged and kind of disgusting.

8. Beer bongs in the other corner

9. Dirty, unwashed, untouched plates tucked under the couch, and dirty glasses hidden in the most unlikely places

10. A bathroom that hasn’t seen bleach, a cleaner, or a rag in months.

No kidding, my friend probably hit every single one of those on the list. A couple of them, could be forgiven, but when a bachelor pad hits 2 to 3 of these items, it’s time to re-evaluate, and possibly bring in a feminine touch.

First impressions, especially ones about where you live and how you live on a daily basis make a real lasting one, and it might sound superficial, but to most women (and guys), it’s just basic hygiene and cleanliness.

I’m not saying this only applies to men, because some of my girlfriends have AWFUL apartments with underwear everywhere, dirty disgusting crusted plates under the couch and probably haven’t vacuumed in ages.

But it seems like guys are the ones that get vilified as having ‘bachelor pads’, but that’s a discussion for another post.

Guys, you WANT a woman to come over.

You want her to stay.

You want her to feel comfortable and safe.

And you want her to see herself with you in the long run, especially if she’s a great catch.

So why wouldn’t you want to make your home welcoming to her?

It might seem okay to have any of the above ‘sins’ all over the apartment all at once because you’ve gotten so used to it all of your life, but some women (okay, a lot), value that you can show you are responsible enough to clean your apartment, take pride in what you own, take care of what you own, and basically show your maturity.

It should also reveal a bit of your personality (modern classic seems to be the basic look guys go for), and it should be functional, as well as masculine. I’m assuming you won’t want to have flowers all over the place, or tea cosies in the corner, and potpourri in the bathroom (ick), but you also don’t want it to be so stark it feels like you’re living in an overly minimalist apartment.

This is what you should consider having in your bachelor pad:

Entertainment

Clearly, you have a TV. 🙂 But maybe the entire apartment’s focus shouldn’t be on the TV. Have some cards available, Monopoly.. something to pass the time without having to sit there and stare each other and try to think of things to talk about.

Enough Seating

The couch should be comfortable, but not a big fluffy void. It also shouldn’t be uncomfortable (as if you’d buy a couch just for looks!), and have a high enough back to lean back against, and hopefully, cuddle 😛 Oh, and a couple of big pillows might be nice for late night movies. It also has to be big enough to seat the both of you comfortably. If 3/4 of the loveseat is taken up by your body, and the only other seating option is a hard chair or the floor – she just might take that chair or floor and then you’ll really be screwed as to how to get closer to her. Oh, and no leather please. Try for a fabric. It feels more comfortable, less sticky on hot days, and is generally nicer.

Coffee Table

An actual one please? Not a milk crate with a cloth thrown over it. Or making your guests put their cups on the floor because there isn’t anything to put it on.

Live Plants

Not fake, plastic, fabric or dying. It’s a sign of maturity (to me), because boys don’t own plants or water them, men do. If you’re truly worried, ask for something hard to kill – a cactus, a fleshy kind of plant that retains a lot of water but isn’t poky like a cactus like a succulent plant (one of my absolute favourite types of plants).

Art/Pictures/Photos

Not of your exes, preferably. Maybe your family if you’re close, or your friends. And please, no half naked women or calendars with half naked women. If you must, go for something abstract like a red dot on a black canvas frame, and make it work. Or landscape pictures. Ikea has some really gorgeous ones…

Proper Lighting

Dimmers might be good for this. You don’t want too much harsh light, but you also want some mood lighting (uplights, where the light reflects off the ceiling instead of shining down), to give a soft glow to everything.

Clean your bathroom

She’s going to use it. You know she’s going to use it. Make the effort and clean it!!!!!!! And keep it clean. She won’t expect to be able to eat off the bathroom floor (eww), but she’ll expect to be able to use it without asking for a disposable toilet seat cover. Oh, and keep the toilet immaculate. Seriously.

Bathroom Toiletries/Products

Soap in a soap dish or a liquid soap dispenser is a MUST. If your bar of soap is dirty, cracked, caked with dirt and hair… toss it, and buy a new bar of soap for $1.

She will probably rifle through your medicine cabinet (admit it, you’d do it to her!), so make sure that’s clean in there too. Make sure you have some personal grooming products in there like deodorant and after shave balm. And I don’t think I need to say this, but some guys have a TON of bathroom products (my ex had more Vichy products than I had ever seen in my life), and that is also a turn off….. because she won’t want someone more feminine than she is. 😛

If you have a lot of old products, pare it down. Throw out that deodorant you used in high school but never quite finished (Think Aidan + Carrie from that episode where they have to try and live together and she asks him why he has 6 different deodorants), and keep it clean around the sink.

Fluffy Towels

Small thin, ragged, holey towels are out. Get thee to a Bed Bath and Beyond, and pick up some dark blue, dark green or dark grey (mmm) towels. Big, fluffy ones. White works too, but darker colours are easier to clean and keep looking fresh and clean.

Shower Curtain

…Just pick a nice, thick waffle beige fabric one. It will show that you care about your bathroom, rather than that free shower curtain your buddies wrapped you up in one night when you were drunk as a joke. The story might be funny, but she’ll be mentally wrinkling her nose.

Tissues

All over the place. As a woman, it drives me mad when I have to search for one. If you must, use a tissue box cover (a metal one maybe) that covers it up (if you care). Women love tissues, as much as they love crepes 🙂

A Real bed with Real sheets

Not a futon, not a sleeping bag, something that’s Queen sized or King sized, and make sure it looks inviting. Most women love big fluffy pillows. It makes them feel comfortable and wonderfully luxurious, versus the thin, ragged, flat pillows you’ve had for years that haven’t been replaced.

At least cotton. Please, no satin or silk. It’s just too slippery. Try Egyptian cotton 300 thread count sheets, in a modern fabric and colour that’s clean and neatly made. Nothing with Spiderman on it, if you can help it.

Non-alcoholic beverages

Not all women drink. Have some milk, juice or soda available so that way you can’t only offer her Beer or Water.

I’m not sayin get rid of all of your motorcycle framed pictures with half naked women on them, but at least keep them hidden and away from her view… (actually, sooner or later, they’d probably get chucked because you’re going to have the real thing 😉 )

Something like this, but you can Ikeafy instead of buying the high-end stuff. The look and feel of it, is what you should aim for.