Subway People

Agitated Indian woman on platform, unable to board: You! You in the orange shirt! Do you speak English?
Asian woman in orange shirt: … Yes.
Agitated Indian woman: Could you move into the center of the car? Move in, move in! Move in so we can get on!
Asian woman: I am moved in. I’m in the exact center of the car!
Agitated Indian woman: No, there is room! Orange shirt, move in!
Asian woman: I can’t go anywhere. I don’t know what you expect me to do.
Agitated Indian woman: [String of expletives in Hindi.]
Asian woman, under breath: Psycho.

–Crowded N train, 59th St stop

Quite an apt addition from Overheard in

Oh subway people, how I (sometimes) hate thee:

Hogging Seats with your Bag

Your bag is not a person. Repeat after me. Your. Bag. Is. Not. A. Person. The only time it is acceptable for you to put your bag on the seat is if it’s REALLY heavy and you’re standing in front of it, so the bag kind of is as if you sat down in the seat… but didn’t.

Being slow on the Escalators

When you get to the top of the escalator, and it’s crowded… MOVE IT. MOVE IT MOVE IT MOVE IT. I’m saying this with emphasis because usually when people get to the top, unless they’re blocked by others, they kind of stand at the top with a dazed look in their eyes like “Hmm.. I made it to the top. I wonder where I go from here”… or …”Where am I?”….

Look, think about your co-ordinates at a later date. People behind you (usually on the step behind) have to ALSO get off this moving hunk of metal, and if you stand at the top of the escalator, dazed and confused, you’re BLOCKING the flow of traffic off the escalator.

So don’t you dare turn around and give me a nasty glare when I have to shove you or basically push you out of the way because I’m trying to leave the escalator and I don’t want to cause people behind me to do a human pileup on me just because of your dumb, confused, directionally challenged ass.

Trying to squeeze on

This is particularly bad with buses, and with the funny quote from above – enough said. Sometimes you just can’t squeeze inside any more.

Charging Doors/Keeping them Open

Nothing irks me more than people charging subway doors to try and make it in even though the damn lights are flashing and the beeping is going on. You can’t make it, you can’t make it. Don’t even try.

Why would you try and beat the doors closing and then complain when you get stuck with you arm squished by the door and the conductor won’t let you in?


Just wait for the next train, it comes along in about 2-5 minutes. Surely you can wait that long unless you’re preggers and about to give birth, to which I say – get a cab lady, I’ll even foot the fare if I happen to be there and sympathetic.

Then you get the chargers who get caught in the door but REFUSE TO GIVE UP. Instead of pulling their arm or their bag OUT from the door to let the doors close and the subway car go, they try and pry these huge metal subway doors open to try and squeeze their butt in there.

Look, they closed for a reason. You’re late. Pull out, and give up!

The funniest was when one guy had his bag or his butt (I can’t remember, but his butt sounds like a funnier story), stuck in the door. He REFUSED to let the doors close without him and tried very hard to get into the train for a good 30 seconds by trying to pry the doors open. This was holding up the entire train and some guy in the train ended up ging him a dirty look, lifting up his huge leg and and slamming it down on his butt to shove him out and to stop him from blocking the doors. (Now that I think about it, it was a bag, but how funny would that be if it were his butt?)

Sitting/Standing Etiquette

Elbows out
When you sit down, with your elbows out because your hands are in your pocket… you are GONNA hurt someone with your elbows. ‘KAY? They’re sticking out from your body, and unless you tuck them into your body like a chicken, it ain’t gonna work. So don’t look at me like it’s MY fault your elbows were sticking out and they jabbed ME in the body. I’m the one in pain here.

Arm around me
When you sit down don’t put your arm around me because there’s “no room”. Look, I manage to squish myself into a seat and be as considerate as possible of your personal space. But maybe your puffy jacket is JUST TOO BIG to be sitting down beside someone? Ever think about that? So don’t try and put your arm around me on the back of the seat because it’s uncomfortable for me, and I can’t lean back properly and relax because then it feels like you’re trying to make the move on me.

If you don’t feel like there’s any room to sit down, then don’t. Stand. Or get a smaller jacket.

Half your ass taking up the next seat
Don’t sit in the MIDDLE of the seat. Sit on YOUR seat. YOUR SIDE. Half of your ass should not be hanging onto MY seat. Capisce?

Exiting the train

Ok picture this. We’re in a crowded train. The lady in front of me wants to get up to leave at this popular stop. You want to leave at this popular stop, but you happen to be right behind me which means you cannot exit the train until I move.

You tell me “Excuse me”

I tell you “Can you give me a sec? I’m trying to let this lady out”

You give me a dirty glare

And I feel like telling your massively fur-covered shearling self to screw off because when your coat is basically the size of another person, you’re obnoxious.

Yes you are.

You’re taking up the spot of two people and annoying the hell out of others who want to just stand and take up as little room as possible to let others come on the train. But no, you had to go into The Bay or Sears and buy that monstrosity and deign to wear it on the train, like a big Abominable Snowman with a fashion sense that went wrong.


Just needed to rant.

Update: Dolly Iris reminded me of people who won’t give up their seats for old men or women or pregnant ladies either. ARG!!!

About the Author

Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver. I cleared $60,000 in 18 months earning $65,000 gross/year. Now I am self-employed, and you can read more about my story here, or visit my other blog: The Everyday Minimalist.