Agitated Indian woman on platform, unable to board: You! You in the orange shirt! Do you speak English?
Asian woman in orange shirt: … Yes.
Agitated Indian woman: Could you move into the center of the car? Move in, move in! Move in so we can get on!
Asian woman: I am moved in. I’m in the exact center of the car!
Agitated Indian woman: No, there is room! Orange shirt, move in!
Asian woman: I can’t go anywhere. I don’t know what you expect me to do.
Agitated Indian woman: [String of expletives in Hindi.]
Asian woman, under breath: Psycho.–Crowded N train, 59th St stop
Quite an apt addition from Overheard in NY.com
Oh subway people, how I (sometimes) hate thee:
Hogging Seats with your Bag
Your bag is not a person. Repeat after me. Your. Bag. Is. Not. A. Person. The only time it is acceptable for you to put your bag on the seat is if it’s REALLY heavy and you’re standing in front of it, so the bag kind of is as if you sat down in the seat… but didn’t.
Being slow on the Escalators
When you get to the top of the escalator, and it’s crowded… MOVE IT. MOVE IT MOVE IT MOVE IT. I’m saying this with emphasis because usually when people get to the top, unless they’re blocked by others, they kind of stand at the top with a dazed look in their eyes like “Hmm.. I made it to the top. I wonder where I go from here”… or …”Where am I?”….
Look, think about your co-ordinates at a later date. People behind you (usually on the step behind) have to ALSO get off this moving hunk of metal, and if you stand at the top of the escalator, dazed and confused, you’re BLOCKING the flow of traffic off the escalator.
So don’t you dare turn around and give me a nasty glare when I have to shove you or basically push you out of the way because I’m trying to leave the escalator and I don’t want to cause people behind me to do a human pileup on me just because of your dumb, confused, directionally challenged ass.
Trying to squeeze on
This is particularly bad with buses, and with the funny quote from above – enough said. Sometimes you just can’t squeeze inside any more.
Charging Doors/Keeping them Open
Nothing irks me more than people charging subway doors to try and make it in even though the damn lights are flashing and the beeping is going on. You can’t make it, you can’t make it. Don’t even try.
Why would you try and beat the doors closing and then complain when you get stuck with you arm squished by the door and the conductor won’t let you in?
WHY?
Just wait for the next train, it comes along in about 2-5 minutes. Surely you can wait that long unless you’re preggers and about to give birth, to which I say – get a cab lady, I’ll even foot the fare if I happen to be there and sympathetic.
Then you get the chargers who get caught in the door but REFUSE TO GIVE UP. Instead of pulling their arm or their bag OUT from the door to let the doors close and the subway car go, they try and pry these huge metal subway doors open to try and squeeze their butt in there.
Look, they closed for a reason. You’re late. Pull out, and give up!
The funniest was when one guy had his bag or his butt (I can’t remember, but his butt sounds like a funnier story), stuck in the door. He REFUSED to let the doors close without him and tried very hard to get into the train for a good 30 seconds by trying to pry the doors open. This was holding up the entire train and some guy in the train ended up ging him a dirty look, lifting up his huge leg and and slamming it down on his butt to shove him out and to stop him from blocking the doors. (Now that I think about it, it was a bag, but how funny would that be if it were his butt?)
Sitting/Standing Etiquette
Elbows out
When you sit down, with your elbows out because your hands are in your pocket… you are GONNA hurt someone with your elbows. ‘KAY? They’re sticking out from your body, and unless you tuck them into your body like a chicken, it ain’t gonna work. So don’t look at me like it’s MY fault your elbows were sticking out and they jabbed ME in the body. I’m the one in pain here.
Arm around me
When you sit down don’t put your arm around me because there’s “no room”. Look, I manage to squish myself into a seat and be as considerate as possible of your personal space. But maybe your puffy jacket is JUST TOO BIG to be sitting down beside someone? Ever think about that? So don’t try and put your arm around me on the back of the seat because it’s uncomfortable for me, and I can’t lean back properly and relax because then it feels like you’re trying to make the move on me.
If you don’t feel like there’s any room to sit down, then don’t. Stand. Or get a smaller jacket.
Half your ass taking up the next seat
Don’t sit in the MIDDLE of the seat. Sit on YOUR seat. YOUR SIDE. Half of your ass should not be hanging onto MY seat. Capisce?
Exiting the train
Ok picture this. We’re in a crowded train. The lady in front of me wants to get up to leave at this popular stop. You want to leave at this popular stop, but you happen to be right behind me which means you cannot exit the train until I move.
You tell me “Excuse me”
I tell you “Can you give me a sec? I’m trying to let this lady out”
You give me a dirty glare
And I feel like telling your massively fur-covered shearling self to screw off because when your coat is basically the size of another person, you’re obnoxious.
Yes you are.
You’re taking up the spot of two people and annoying the hell out of others who want to just stand and take up as little room as possible to let others come on the train. But no, you had to go into The Bay or Sears and buy that monstrosity and deign to wear it on the train, like a big Abominable Snowman with a fashion sense that went wrong.
ARRRRGH
Just needed to rant.
Update: Dolly Iris reminded me of people who won’t give up their seats for old men or women or pregnant ladies either. ARG!!!
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SKB: I just say “excuse me, is that yours?” 😛
I can’t stand people who treat their bags as people and put them on seats, especially when they don’t remove their bag from the seat even after I give them my I’m-going-to-kill-you-if-you-don’t-get-that-bag-off-the-seat look.
Jupiter: No kidding.. LOL
He was cut from the job 😛
L: glad it brightened your day 😉
Chica: OOOOO that gets me too. Or when they play through ALL OF THEIR RINGTONES.. omg.. I’m ready to take the phone and smash it.
Asgreen: 😉
Miss Belle: Oh I’m not sure if that’s just a Boston thing. I experienced that in Singapore too. But in Toronto, we usually stand aside and wait until the last person gets off then we kind of start crowding on while he/she is getting off :\
Elisabeth: OMG.. isn’t that the worst? Or they look to see what you’re listening to
Ellen: LOL.. I can see that it’s a hot topic..
Living: That gets me too. But not just in transit, but in real life when I have to wait in line for someone to dig through their purse for their card or their money or their receipt.. OMG HAVE THAT STUFF READY… I always have it ready so I’m in and out of there in a flash.
Ridon: LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! “Would you like the ass in your face or my crotch?”
The escalator one kills me. Every time.
M&P: Yup Big backpacks really really suck when people aren’t responsible with them.. I get not taking them off (hassle, fine), but at least be aware that you’re swinging it around.
Seriously.. makes you want to drive a car 😛
OMG. Nothing gets me worked up like rush hour on the metro!! I wholeheartedly agree with Mrs. Micah. The right side of the escalators is for standing, left side is for walking. I’ve seen people get just about run over in DC for not adhering to that rule.
Another rant I have is about backpacks and large bags. If you have them, be conscious of them!! A large backpack is like having a small child on your back. When you turn around with it, you have to make sure you’re not hitting someone!
I’ve seen fistfights break out (between respectable people in business attire) on the metro in rush hour because people couldn’t get on the train they needed. A little courtesy is SO appreciated. People don’t have to be the Mr. Hyde to their Dr. Jekyll on the subway each morning.
oh yeah good rant about the escalators. people use no common sense!
ahh public transit. i also hate when ppl sit on the outer seat instead of the window seat. and then you have to ask them to scooch over. and then instead of getting up, they swing their knees to the side and you have to squeeze your ass pass their face to slide into a seat.
also fat ppl. i’m sorry, but it just not fair that you take up 1.5 seats and then glare at me when i get up instead of wanting to sit and be squished.
Ahh, I hate public transit. I hate the people who don’t have their money ready when the get on (might be a boston thing). Friggin A! You know you are getting on a bus or subway, get your damn money out. Why are you holding up the bus, the line, looking for a wallet? And then usually they don’t have money so they have to look for change! Or they are TALKING on their CELL PHONES and can’t get off to pay their fare!
Arrrgh. I have so many rants about public transit. I swear.
The only thing about the US, is they don’t molest you like in asia. But that’s only because less people use public transit.
Miss Belle, that drives me crazy too. Why would anyone choose to lean on the doors anyway? hello — they open every two minutes, pay attention!
Another thing that drives me crazy are people who just push straight into you as if you aren’t standing there. Okay, I get it, you want to occupy the exact same space as me, but… you can’t! Step off!
Oh, the joys of public transport.
I am also not a huge fan of people who try and read your book/newspaper/magazine/whatever over your shoulder!
Buy your own damn copy of Vogue!
This might be a Boston thing, but, when people are blocking the doors and not getting off at the stop, instead of stepping out of the way, they just stand there and then are annoyed when people push and shove past them. Hello the world doesn’t revolve around you and the train is going to make stops that other people need to get off and you don’t. So move so I can get off the damn train.
So true!
My fave is when people think that everyone wants to hear the music on their phone. Personally, I don’t care if they have a Soulja Boy ringtone or even the whole album on their phone 🙂
Or worse – they’re listening to an mp3 player and singing along. Loudly and off key.
A-freaking-men! Sometimes I think people ought to have to pass a test before being allowed on mass transit…or in public, for that matter!
This post made me smile a lot. 🙂
Hah! I don’t think we see the Courtesy Lion anymore. It’s been made redundant for not doing its job. ;p
Auburn: You’re telling me. Plus the smelly people.
Jupiter: Singapore is pretty bad for subway people… that, I know. 😛 that’s why you have courtesy lion!!
Laura: No problem hon 😉 any time
This post made me laugh harder than anything I’ve read in a long time. Thank you!
Hi, I’m from Singapore. I like reading your blog and I love your subway-people rant posts. Seems like inconsiderate subway people is a universal problem. I also hate parents who let their children run, scream and throw tantrums on the trains.
Its always an adventure riding the subway!
MM: Oh that one gets me too. Left side for walking, right standing and MOVE YOUR BUTT AT THE TOP!!!
Ah yes. I deal with this a lot, since I ride the metro and bus to get to my jobs.
Left side of the escalator is for walking, right for standing. You can walk on the right is if no one is in front of you. And then when you get to the top you move…because I can’t stop moving when I’m on the escalator even if I’m standing still.
I FORGOT THAT ONE !! People who won’t offer seats to old men/women or pregnant ladies… OMG
good rant! how about people who don’t on to something and end up falling on you? or.. when a really old lady comes on and these big men won’t offer her a seat?
the problem with public transit is easy… its public.. every tom, dick and asswipe is going to piss u off.