Disclaimer: I cannot imagine going through what she is going through, nor do I want to, and I don’t have any kids and cannot really judge her because I’m not a mother…. but after reading this woman’s columns it makes me want to slap her or at least make her recognize her dire financial situation because it’s so frustrating.
She is living in a money sucking 4000 square foot house with just one daughter
These are excerpts taken from her columns.
I sort through my mail and find the electric bill. Oh, no. It’s over two hundred dollars. I glance back at my behemoth house and think: That’s it. I cannot afford to live here anymore. Over 4,000 square feet of energy-sucking, wallet-draining space, and it’s going to bankrupt me. When Craig and I split up, I pushed hard to keep the house. Now it’s nothing but a burden, filled with memories of another — not particularly happy — life.
On the other hand, I promised my daughter I’d stay until she graduated high school. She loves her room and is naturally sentimental — she hates to part with anything, especially remnants of a time when Craig and I were married — and I am loath to disrupt her life any more than I already have.
On the other, other hand, I’m drowning in bills and moving won’t be the end of the world. We’d be in the same school district, and she’d get to keep all her stuff, though I suspect it may be a little cramped in a smaller house. The girl has a lot of stuff, and most of it is in heaps on the floor. She once told me that she prefers to think of her floor as just another storage surface, like a giant shelf that just happens to be under her feet.
She knows she cannot afford the house. It’s clear. She’s freaking out over only having $180 left in her bank account and no savings, nothing to draw from.
What really makes me angry is that she cannot seem to stand up to her daughter to be a real MOM and show her daughter that sometimes you have to make hard decisions in life even if you don’t want to, and that the 4000 square foot house, while is filled with great memories for her daughter and some of her for her, is mostly painful for her to deal with because she had good times in there with her ex husband and it’s draining her paycheck. Really draining it.
You have to teach your kids that things in life are just not fair. It’s harsh, it sucks, but you have to deal with it.
She ends up losing her $2000 deposit.
At first I think it’s one of the cats, then I realize it’s my daughter, weeping loudly. I turn on the light and stumble down the hallway. I knock on her door.
“Come in,” she says, tearfully.
“What’s wrong, sweetie?” I don’t know why I bother to ask. I know full well why my daughter has been crying.
“I don’t want to move,” she says. Her face is swollen. “I love my room. I love this house. This is my house. You can’t take my house away from me. You just can’t.”
Is it possible to actually feel your heart breaking? My chest aches as I watch this girl crying into her hands. I go to put an arm around her shoulders but she jerks her body away from me. She refuses to be consoled.
…………
I am dreaming about a kitten, a little calico mewing at my feet. I wake up and realize it’s not a cat but my daughter, crying in her bedroom. I shuffled down the hallway and knock on her door. Between chokes and sobs she tells me that she’s crying because “we almost moved.”
Oh no. This cannot be happening! I backed out of the deal, surrendered two thousand dollars in earnest money, lost the house of my dreams, and here’s my reward: My daughter is still crying and she still hates me for ruining her life. I can’t win.
I get it. Your heart bleeds. But the reality of your financial situation is that you’re living paycheck to paycheck, no emergency cushion and all because your daughter cannot let go of the ‘family home’ that she’s grown up in.
And YOUR husband left YOU. You didn’t choose to have him cheat on you. Doesn’t your daughter ‘get’ that? Things happen, and you didn’t choose to have him not be in love with you any more. She can’t blame you for anything and she shouldn’t. If she does, it’s called therapy. Look into it.
Give me a break. It’d be really hard, and painful, but nothing in life is easy and she’s gotta learn the hard way. She has to sit down, see you go through the budget and have her understand that for PRACTICAl, FINANCIAL reasons, they cannot stay in the house any longer because they just can’t afford it. Simple.
You’re the bloody mom. Act like it. Act like a responsible caregiver who has your kids’ best interests in mind and teach her to take care of her finances, make her learn from YOUR mistakes so that she doesn’t do the same thing when she grows up.
And while the emotions are intense and everything is running high on pain and separation from this 4000 square foot house, you sometimes just have to deal with reality.
If your daughter REALLY wants to stay, draw up a budget, tell her she’s got to get a job to give an extra $200/month (or whatever), and/or tell her that she can’t ask for concert tickets, new clothes or any of that stuff any longer because SHE wanted to stay in the house, this money sucking, money draining house, and there are consequences/actions associated to that.
On top of that, her ex husband is also berating her for not being able to ‘manage’ her money but she’s too spineless to tell him “Look the 4000 square foot house is a huge chunk out of my budget” and proceed to show him the numbers.
Before Craig and I negotiated our divorce settlement, I consulted with a financial counselor who specialized in women and money. She used a computer program to determine what my financial status would be after my divorce based on my estimated income and expenses. The picture was bleak indeed. According to the analyst’s projections, I would have wiped out my savings within the first three years. She was off by a year. Two years after my divorce, I finally knew firsthand what it was like to live paycheck to paycheck.
My checking account information finally comes on the screen. Oh no. Apparently I am overdrawn by $162, and I’ve been charged another $25 for “overdraft privilege.” (Some privilege.)
I click “history,” and discover that I’m overdrawn because I am still paying for Craig’s life insurance. Two years ago he promised that he would do the necessary paperwork to transfer deductions to his account, but Craig’s a procrastinator and he never got around to it. Three months ago, when I noticed yet another deduction from my account, I urged him to make the transfer, and he swore on his mother’s life that he would take care of it.
I call Craig and ask him to deposit $187 into my checking account to cover his insurance and my overdraft fee. He tells me I’m being petty. Why should he have to pay my overdraft fee?
“Because I wouldn’t have been charged it if you had transferred your life-insurance deduction.”
Craig then proceeds to lecture me on the importance of keeping a cushion in my checking account “for these situations.”
I’m fuming now. “I don’t have enough money for a cushion,” I tell him, forcing myself to stay calm. “That’s my point, Craig.”
He says he can’t understand why I’m struggling financially. Between my salary and his alimony, I should have more than enough, he says. “Maybe you just need to tighten your belt.” ……….. Craig tells me that he’ll put the money into my account but, “I’m disappointed in you, Sara. I didn’t think you’d fight me for a hundred and eighty dollars.”
Um.. WHAT THE HELL? After 2 years and you’re still paying $180 a month for his insurance because he’s a lazy SOB who hasn’t switched his details over so that it comes out of HIS account? $180 may not seem like a lot of money to him if he makes as much as she hints that he does, but it means a lot to many people, and $180 over 2 years is $4320. It adds up.
Would you give $4320 away to an ex or to someone and say “it’s no big deal”? No. I didn’t think so.
And besides, maybe she DOES need a bloody budget.
She had an offer for a dream job that paid $15,000 more and the work environment seemed amazing. Her old work environment was toxic.
Bud says the job is mine if I want it. He even showed me my office, a bright space with two huge windows and sleek cherry furniture. I’d make $10,000 more than my current salary, I’d have three supporting staff members and a virtually unlimited budget. I’d be crazy not to take this job.
But as I make my way back to my office I decide that I want to stay where I am. As much as I hate Brenda, I really like my job. I don’t mean to be overly mystical, but maybe the universe put Brenda McAleer in my path so I could learn to get along with difficult people instead of escaping them.
And this Brenda person cannot be fired because she’s an “untouchable” because she has connections with Daddy being a former VP, or some crap like that.
Whatever. When the chips are down, you’re offered a better position in general, a better work environment, a pay raise AND they’re estatic to have you, it’s a no brainer. You go. You give it and try, and maybe for once you can wake up in the morning feeling great and happy about going in to work.
A misguided sense of loyalty to a company is one of the most damaging things to a person’s career.
To repeat, the company does NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. You have to care about yourself. And if the environment is toxic and filled with political landmines, get out. Not so simple, and not so easy, but if it’s the right thing to do for your life and your career, you make a hard choice and do it.
Seems to me like this woman has no backbone to stand up to anyone and she lets everyone push over her. I think that may be another reason why I’m going: WHAT? What are you doing with your life!?
She was too used to being a cushy stay at home wife
Now I want to kill him. I think of everything I used to have that I am forced to do without. A house cleaner (I spend every weekend cleaning, and the place is still a pigsty). The lawn-mowing service (I bought a lawnmower). A handyman (did I mention that I installed a light fixture in the kitchen myself?). Dry cleaning (those little do-it-yourself dryer sheets aren’t bad). I have also relinquished the luxuries, like acrylic nails (I’ve learned to live with my stubby fingers), vacations (I’ll probably never get to see Italy, as Craig and I had once planned), and I’ve abandoned my dreams (A summer house in the mountains? Forget about it).
……..
When Craig and I were married, I never had to check my bank balance because I never had to worry about being overdrawn. I could buy any big-ticket item I pleased – new patio furniture, seasons tickets to the theatre, a new freezer for the basement, whatever – and there was always a nice cushion in our checking account. I’d hear people talking about living paycheck to paycheck and, of course, I felt sorry for them, but always assumed that I’d never know what that was like.
But your situation has changed. Life happens. Deal with it. DEAL WITH IT.
A cleaner, a gardener and all that stuff.. that is NOT a necessity in life. You’re still resentful he ran away with a 25 year old girl. Fine, but why are you still trying to cling to the fact that you “had it all”? He cheated on you, things didn’t work out, now this is the time for you to pick yourself up and show everyone what you’re worth.
It’s not as though he’s skipping on his alimony either, like what some single deadbeat dads do.
Stop running away from it, getting tattoos, piercings, stupid things and not being able to balance a proper budget.
You are on your OWN lady.
There is no fricking White Knight. There is no Prince Charming. Get with the program, take control of your life (kind of silly you let your husband do all the budgeting/finances and not having had a hand in any of it and being completely clueless), but the times have changed.
Learn about your finances, how you’re going to deal with your life, and fix it before you really regret it.
I totally sound like a harsh bitch (I know), but sometimes it’s just so frustrating to hear this from women in my life and have them not do anything about it (I can’t push them) and/or read about it in a MSN Dating/Personals Blog, but in all cases, I really want to shake/slap them back into reality.
I don’t think I’ll read her columns any longer (yes I read all 51 of them in a row), because it’s getting me frustrated (LOL!!! I don’t even know her!) but I figured it’d make for a great blog post.
Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver.
I cleared $60,000 in 18 months earning $65,000 gross/year.
Now I am self-employed, and you can read more about 
First, thank you for leaving this up so that I can read it years later.
Regarding the 'fat' issue, the appropriate comparison isn't his weight vs. hers, but his income vs. her weight. Rich fat guys get women, broke lean ones don't.
Since this is so, and you know it is, this columnist's complaints and decisions beg the question of whether she even knows why her husband left her. I don't think she would ever admit, even in her most private drunken moments, that he dumped her because she was destroying the both of them financially. He escaped before she turned him into a broke fat guy.
That this series was popular is more damning of its readers than the worst charges of misogynists.
Your comments, however, speak well of you. All the best.
Thank you for writing this comment on a post from something years ago!
I just feel like everyone should stand on their own two feet, know how to do a budget and be INTERdependent, not wholly dependent on others.
No one wants to always be the caregiver or to feel like a parasite.
Dear Older Woman and Anonymous,
Sorry for offensive tone of my earlier post. I read it again and see your point. Let me start over. My wife and I are both 46 and have been married (and faithful) for 20 years. Let me try again to make my point. Your comments about confidence and bearing are valid. And it is also true that people react to each other visually. And that reaction can be strong enough to overwhelm anything else about that person. So you made a valid point, which is that there are many reasons for loss of attraction in a relationship and gaining weight might or might not have anything to do with it. While that is true, her husband clearly has a preference for thin women. S Katz specifically mentions that his girlfriend is so thin she can wear clothing that her daughter can’t even get into.
When I read posts it seems like women are sharply divided on the issue of weight and it’s impact on a relationship. On the one hand are the women who are adamant that it is their body, and their mate has no business having an opinion on the subject. If he loves them he loves them. Full stop. And on the other are women who believe it is important for them to stay fit as it is one important piece of the puzzle in a healthy relationship.
If my wife (more on that below) was losing her desire for me I would DEFINITELY know. And I would definitely want to know why to see if it was something that could be addressed. And I would ask. I sure as heck wouldn’t wait to be in the last stages of divorce/therapy to ask her if she was still attracted to me.
Before my wife and I got married we talked about everything – money, religion, children, extended family stuff in a very frank way. And we also talked about weight and fitness as well. She didn’t like it, but she understood and took it seriously.
Before I get to what I asked her I want to clarify a few things. People talk about a successful marriage being hard work. It is. Some of the most important work is doing things that you know are important to the other person. There is nothing special or sacred about the “work” of taking care of your body.
On weight/fitness I told her that when we got married she would be the only person I would ever sleep with the rest of my life. And that while everybody says they won’t cheat – I really meant it – regardless of temptation. And then I told her that I am not attracted to women who are fat and or out of shape and that it was really important to me that she make the effort to stay fit for me. She then proceeded to barrage me with questions: What if she were to get in a car accident or get a disease and it disfigures her? Was I really that shallow? And this is what I said back: Thats what the vows are about, in sickness and in health. Bad luck and acts of god happen and you deal with them. But obesity – barring a “real” medical condition – is a choice. And it is an increasingly popular choice in America. And that if she were to “choose” to have that small dailly imbalance between calories consumed and calories burned – either by eating too much, or not exercising enough – I was going to be very unhappy about that. More important I told her that I would commit to staying fit and trim and wanted her to do the same. Which she did.
We have both always looked for ways to exercise together like walking the dogs, playing tennis, rollerblading on the weekends, etc. And in all our time together I have never, ever made any negative comments about any eating or exercise (including the decision to exercise her fingers on th tv remote while lying on the couch) choice she has made.
Fast forward 20 years: We are both fit and yes – trim. And when I look at my wife I see a confident, self assured person with a terrifice sense of humor who I love more now than when we got married. Someone who is looking forward to some all day hikes in the National parks this coming summer. I also quite literally “see” someone who has made the effort to stay in shape partly because it was important to me and partly because she wants to live a long healthy life.
I am going to close on this note: No lifestyle regime stops the relentless march of time. And in 30 years or more I will be one of the few people who knows her well enough to still see how beautiful she really is. But in the meantime I am very grateful to her for taking great care of herself and in doing so extending the raw animal vitality we are all born with.
I have two kids.
Anyone who would drive their family to financial ruin because it made their kid cry is an abusive, selfish loser and crappy parent.
Her child is going to grow up and make the same mistakes and have a sense of entitlement that will make her too proud to ask for help.
She is annoying – but I comfort myself becuase she may not have put herself into her situation…but she is the one keeping herself there and she deserves whatever she gets from this point forward.
Poor baby doesn’t have a handyman and her spoiled selfish child cries in the night.
Awwww. LOL
Last Anon: Hello?? Did you not read the entire article?
The first part clearly says: Disclaimer: I cannot imagine going through what she is going through, nor do I want to, and I don’t have any kids and cannot really judge her because I’m not a mother…. but after reading this woman’s columns it makes me want to slap her or at least make her recognize her dire financial situation because it’s so frustrating.
At least take the time to read it before lambasting me.
I am talking from a FINANCIAL perspective, and it’s not worth putting yourself in that big of a hole of debt just because your kid wants to stay there. I understand the sentimental attachments, and not wanting to let go, but THAT IS LIFE. DEAL WITH IT.
Wow. Okay I have two comments for this post. And it’s a “disagree and agree” thing.
First of all, I am also a single mom. And for the first 3/4 of this post, the author is fixated on the whole 4000 sq. foot house thing. Well, I am a minimalist, small footprint person, and generally I agree about this type of thing. But this writer seems to be focused ONLY on that and have ABSOLUTELY NO concept whatsoever of other factors, such as being a mother, and a vulnerable teenage daughter who is going through a parents divorce – most likely the most traumatic thing that’s ever happened to her and, depending on how her parents handle it, will inform her own life and relationships for years to come.
This writer clearly has NO CHILDREN of her own, because she obviously does not get it. On theory I agree with the big-ass, money sucking house. But, there IS a child involved, and if you’ve never been a parent, you have absolutely no concept of the conflicts and struggles involved with this sort of thing. Stop and look at the bigger picture. The lives and future are far more important than this house, in the long run. Sorry, I cannot support you on this.
On the other hand, I read the column and I have to agree that all the whining about how she used to be supported by her husband and didn’t have to worry about money and bills, is completely insulting to women everywhere. Every time I read something like this in the “Single in the Suburbs’ column I wonder, what is this, like 1954??
I agree with “Older Woman” above on all levels.
1) I go running 3 times per week and watch my weight, but I would still probably avoid someone who was “very into fitness.” (just as I’d avoid someone who was never physically active). As someone who knows a few fitness nuts..thanks but no thanks, I’d rather not have to hear about a guy’s dietary choices or hear him whining if he has to miss a gym visit.
2) Nothing ever indicated her husband stopped being attracted to her due to her weight…men can stop being attracted to women for all kinds of reasons (and women to men), often having nothing to do with physical appearance.
3) Last time I checked “pretty” was a compliment. Since SSK’s indicated that she dates men her own age, I’d assume they’d be mature enough not to tell her that she’s “hot”.
4) She’s angry with her ex, and men like him, for dating women who are 10 (or more!) years younger with them. Totally valid (and I’m 28 btw)..I find the older men dating younger women thing kind of disgusting as well. As someone who has read the entire series, the irritation seems focused on the fact that these guys are choosing age-inappropriate mates, not the fact that said mates are thin.
Mem, while I agree with you on SK being the author of her own sad story, I have to take issue on some of your other comments. Being a woman over 40, I find your comments offensive……and while I really shouldn’t have to clarify this I will, since older women being offended and responding is sometimes mistaken for not being thin……I am in decent shape for my age and am satisfied with the way I look.
I take issue with your 4 numbered points.
Mem said….
1. She is overweight and out of shape. She eliminated at least one potential mate because he was very into fitness and would therefore not likely be interested in her.
Response…..
Very few of us are candidates for the Elite Modeling agency, young or old. While SK may no longer have the shape of someone half her age, it doesn’t mean she is out of shape. Perhaps what she meant was she was attempting to weed out the superficial characters that judge a book by its cover.
Mem said….
2. Her husband was no longer physically attracted to her when they divorced.
Response…..
Weight “could” be an issue, as could a 100 other things that cause two people to drift apart. Once you have drifted, why would you find the other person attractive in any way, shape or form. Have you ever been in a longterm relationship that drifted apart. Physical appearance doens’t have to be the reason why.
Mem said….
3. A few of the guys she has dated have told her she is very pretty.
Response…..
What’s your point? Pretty = fat? Does ugly = thin?
Mem said…..
4. She is very angry about the successful, attractive middle aged men in her town dating young, “nubile” women. I chuckled when I saw that – I think “nubile” = “fit/maybe even thin”
Response…..
Nubile means marriagable or sexually attractive. Personally, I think her point pertains to the the perception that older women are no longer attactive or desireable.
I find beauty to be a state of mind, hence SK is creating her own reality there. Though I’m no longer single, I have found there are plenty of men who turn their head to look at a self-assured, confident women of any age.
So in closing mem…..please don’t spew the older woman = fat, undesireable woman crap that you’ve somehow extrapolated from SK’s articles. It’s insulting and it makes you look bad.
And FB, please keep in mind that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and that confidence, self-assurance, and accentuating the positive will carry you farther in life then having a model-like appearance.
mem: Thanks for the input from a man’s view. I have to totally agree with you. If my BF got fat and slobbish I’d have to bring it up delicately but he’d pick up pretty quick if we stopped making love.
She HAD to know that, you’re right. I agree and I really wish I could see his side of the story and the daughter’s side as well.
*reminder to self: Don’t get fat*
I have followed this blog from the beginning as well. I will give you a man’s view of SK:
She is book smart, well educated, funny, fun to be with. Kind hearted and considerate in most respects. In many ways she is delightful. And while I am sorry for women who end up in this type situation she is clearly the author of most of her own misery.
If you read her comments carefully this is what you learn:
1. She is overweight and out of shape. She eliminated at least one potential mate because he was very into fitness and would therefore not likely be interested in her.
2. Her husband was no longer physically attracted to her when they divorced.
3. A few of the guys she has dated have told her she is very pretty.
4. She is very angry about the successful, attractive middle aged men in her town dating young, “nubile” women. I chuckled when I saw that – I think “nubile” = “fit/maybe even thin”
So here is my admittedly shallow analysis of the situation: She chose to let herself go physically despite the fact that her husband clearly chose not to. That was clearly a serious problem for him and it killed his desire / effectively killing their sex life. She HAD to know that. Sorry but you KNOW if your partner is losing/has lost their desire for you. Just like she knew that if she chose to stay in their marital home she would run out of money. In both cases she had a very clear and better alternative and in both cases chose to do what was easier in the short term. I wish her husband would write a few blogs to explain his side of the story.
Here it is:
http://msn.match.com/msn/article.aspx?articleid=6313&lid=429&ap=1
Here’s a link to the Match.com site, with her posts, but they are way behind in posting her blogs.
http://uk.match.com/magazine/article0.aspx?articleid=7518
I don’t know where it went either. It just disappeared about a week ago. She first appeared on match.com/magazine, but they fell way behind with her blog. I don’t find very much when I Google Sara Susannah Katz either.
Does anybody know more?
Wow, I didn’t know that it was fictional. I used to check it every Sunday just to see what she was up to.
I miss her column, even though it was frustrating to see how much she could have bettered herself financially!
I can’t seem to find her column either, and there is nothing on MSN to indicate where it might have gone. Anyone have any ideas about where it’s gone?
What happened to her column?
I cannot seem to find her column any longer. Has she quit writing it?
Interestingly enough, I started reading this column way back when I was on Match.com and there were three people writing about their dating ups and downs.
One turned out to be a singer in a band, who was just trying to boost her career. She stopped writing after about a dozen articles and she was a bigger basket case than this woman.
The other series was penned by a guy…..I can’t remember the story there.
Then…..there was this saga written by Sara Suzannah Katz, whoever she may me.
Happily, I met someone and have been out of the dating pool for some time, but I still enjoyed clicking back and reading her articles. Match.com fell way behind on posting them and then I found her on MSN. I’ve googled this woman and all that ever appears is her articles and her book.
What I’d like to know is who the real Sara Suzannah is. She certainly has an affinity for making all the classic dating mistakes. She may be running out of ideas……but I think that she must be a real person making some of these classic mistakes and that her articles must be in some part based on real life experience.
Um..yes the column is annoying and draws things out way, way too much, but this isn’t actually someones real blog about her real life. The entries are written a few weeks apart. This woman is a fiction writer. She is being paid to make something up. (and again–look how LONG one second date is drawn out-I think the writer had run out of ideas.)
I am so happy to finally hear another voice that finds her as frustrating as I did
I had to stop reading. She made me frustrated and it wasn’t even my life!
I don’t know why I’m fascinated with this writer’s saga, but I am…….fictional or not. I keep coming back and reading her posts again and again, despite the fact that she is slip-sliding through life. Maybe that’s it……she’s a train wreck in the making.
I agree she is a doormat to her child, ex-husband, coworkers, and pretty much everyone she deals with. She whines about how good she had it (NOT!!), but refuses to step up to the plate and take charge of her new life. She really does set a poor example for women everywhere. She’s looking for somebody to save her from life; looking for a sugar daddy to make life sweet again. I’ve got news…..the chances of that are slim to none. I wonder what would happen if she found one and the daughter couldn’t stand him?
I find her interactions with men to be just as fascinating and frustrating as well. As in every other aspect of her life, she’s a doormat and can’t seem to see the writing on the wall. As I type this she is on article 61 and has wasted plenty of time on Mister Mixed Signals, simply because she’s on a hormonal high. I just want to smack her and say “look Sweetie, if he was really that into you he wouldn’t be sending you mixed signals. Stop making excuses for poor behavior just because the smell of his leather jacket has your libido working overtime. If a man can’t treat you with kindness and respect, then he is not worth it.”
I still say they need to put a blog section on those articles. It would be interesting to see people’s responses to them on the site!
Super Student: ditto. I feel worse in the end from being frustrated.. LOL!!!!! But at least that it shows we care, eh? 🙂
my mom just sold her house, I wished she could have stayed, but I know better. What kind of a selfish brat is she raising. She seem to be neglecting to teach her daughter anything about the real world. If she is so worried about the life insurance she should just pay, she and her daughter are probably the beneficiaries anyway. This is spotlighting how stupid people are when they are sentimental about things. Instead of taking her brain full of memories and making changes in her life for the better, she is nostalgic about the good ole’ days as she complains about her current sucky situation. This type of story drives me nuts, I shouldn’t have read the whole thing because it stresses me out when people don’t get their lives in order when the answer is clear, even to them.
Rachel: NO kidding? Woman needs a financial plan and budget at least! 😐
You know, I don’t think it is fictional, she is a fiction writer but this is nonfiction. According to msn.com
mamaluv: I tried! I TRIED.. but ugh.. that’s why I wrote the disclaimer 😉 … the least she could do is not whine about losing a gardener or a maid and get her kid to do some chores or something if she wanted to stay in that home.
Living: I hear that too.. but I guess it’s because women kind of expect men to work, and men don’t expect women to work. although I hear that changing….
Tanya: maybe that’s it.. the lack of action that irritates me more than anything to improve the situation.
if the goal is to stay in the house, fine, then find a way to cut costs or work her daughter into the decisions to make it work. s’all I’m saying.
Quitelight: *LOL* I hear that. I judge a lot, and I know a lot of people judge me 😉 Clearly 😛 But seriously, that fictional character hit me on all levels (financially mostly)….
ACTION. ACTION. ACTION. 😛
I thought this was kind of funny, coming right on the heels of the entry talking about judging other people & talking rudely about their decisions.
Women (& men, there are PLENTY) who refuse to take responsibility for their own lives & choices make me MENTAL, but can I honestly say I’m free of this habit? Plenty of people have looked at my choices & thought I needed a smack upside the head.
Who am I to judge?
I am SO glad she’s fictional, though. My Smackin’ Hand was itching.
Hey, I can be hypocritical on a lot of levels! I just try to notice when I’m doing it!
Yeah, there totally are women like that, I’m with you. But I wanted you to be able to continue reading and enjoying knowing that it was fictional!
I can totally understand *why* women emotionally with those things… but not why they don’t act!
It’s not an easy situation to move a child probably in high school suddenly. I’m not saying it’s right or justifiable, but she needed a better attorney. She should have consulted with financial planners and agreed to sell the house after the kids leave.
Right now someone I know is going through this, she refuses to leave the house. She is SAHM. They have to work out a a settlement. My advice to her is to think long term and look at all angles. And yes they have money.
My question to you, and I asked her this as well, and she agreed it was VERY UNFAIR, why are women expected to choose between working and kids? But men are NEVER expected to stay at home? And that women are penalized even with just maternity leave? Where’s the equality? Men get off scot free.
I agree with your points in an objective sense, but I wonder if you have been in a similar situation, either as the mother or daughter? When my parents split up, we children put some pressure on our mother to not move because for us it was the last vestige of security in our topsy-turvy world at that point. Granted, we lived much more modestly than this woman describes, but there were cutbacks my mom wanted to make but in the end chose to spoil us just a little bit to give us some semblance of our “old lives”.
Not that she’s justified in her actions, but understand that you cannot look at an emotional situation through cold objective eyes. Fictional or not, give the woman a break.
Everyone: I just get frustrated reading stories like that.. thanks Tanya for clearing up that it’s fictional 😛 PHEW!
but deep down I know that there are really women like that out there, and I just hope they learn the errors of their ways quick.. it’s just never too late.
Don’t know if this changes how you feel about it, but it’s a fictional column written by a novelist who’s written a romance novel on a similar topic 🙂 Thank goodness.
hey i have to agree with you on that one. there is no white knight/prince charming. sometimes you have to learn these things yourself and really ‘have some balls’ literally.
Wow that woman’s pretty annoying – even from just the couple excerpts you posted! She’s so far from reality it’s depressing, and irritating. She needs to take control of her life!
PS. I agree with you on the anonymous thing. If someone wants to say something rude, they should at least have the guts to own up to who they are!
What’ worse – I know someone exactly like this. She was a housewife for 20 years, then her husband left her (and her kids) for a younger woman. She lets her kids walk all over her and she cannot hold a job because she’s never really had to work before. The worse part is, she blames everything and everyone else and doesn’t realize that she has to learn to take care of herself. But it’s been so long that she doesn’t know how. Its frustrating.
Eesh. I think someone needs Dave Ramsey. It’s extreme, but sometimes you need a hard wakeup call.
Wow. That woman is beyond help. You did a really good job of laying out the errors of her ways.
Women like this are in the minority, thankfully. In one of my sociology classes I learned that in 80% of American households, the woman controls the finances. That doesn’t mean they’re responsible with money, of course, but if they were to get divorced they would be in a much better position than this woman.
Wow! You’re pretty annoyed by this woman. I have to admit that I find her repulsive as well. Women need to realize that we’re the only person responsible for our well-being–not our husbands, boyfriends, parents, etc.
I don’t understand why she doesn’t do something productive with the house like rent out an extra room or something. I also wanted to kick her when she turned down the job with a salary increase. Oh well, she’ll probably get foreclosed on and complain about that…