If you plan on having kids, do you ever plan on paying for their full tuition (including food, room, board?)
I’ve thought a lot about this. As you all know, I paid my way through university, moved out at a young age, rented an apartment, paid for all my living expenses and ended up in the hole .. which means it’s kind of weird to be back home with my parents after 6 years of being independent (but is totally worth it for financial reasons).
But thinking back, the only reason why I did that was because my parents lied to me and told me I had $10,000 (or so) to help me pay for my education, but they ended up spending it on useless things and trips, and pretended (in the end) that they never mentioned the money at all.
It hurt when I found out, but I’m kind of glad for the experience.
So I think that when I have kids, I’ll make a deal with them that I’ll pay for half of their tuition, room & board, but not a penny more. That means they have to get good grades, get scholarships, work hard, and learn the value of a dollar.
My other idea is for every $1 you earn/save (including scholarships) towards tuition, I’ll put $1 in to match.
I started thinking about this idea a while back when my colleagues asked me about my tuition and how much I paid, and it just made me wonder if I would’ve turned out the same way if my parents had footed half or all of the bill…
What I WON’T do however, is pay more than half of their tuition, and DEFINITELY won’t make them pay for my retirement. That, I handle on my own. Which is why I don’t foot the entire bill for their tuition because I’m saving them from MY debt.
So, what do you think?
(And when I say “my” I really mean whoever I’m with, and my debts/bills)
Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver.
I cleared $60,000 in 18 months earning $65,000 gross/year.
Now I am self-employed, and you can read more about 
I basically have a loan without interest with my parents for my tuition. They pay for tuition, I pay them back. My parents pay for rent (not food) since they figure the cost of rent is about the same as me staying at home and using hydro/internet/food/sewage. So really they’re funding my schooling, I’m funding there retirement if you want to look at it that way. 😛
My parents paid for my tuition so far. I thought I might get a part time job, and they told me to focus on school and then see if I would be able to handle a part time job. Well no I wouldn't have been able to and I don't know how people do it. I don't know how people do it, and still manage to pass everything.
I was one of those kids who worked while going to school.
I just learned how to organize my time better, and my grades did suffer a bit, but not enough to drop me out of honours. I still got good grades, but not as good as if I hadn\’t worked.
That said, no one looks at your grades once you graduate and get a job. They couldn\’t care less. All I wanted was the degree, and that\’s what I got.
Living: my real fear is that they’ll end up like those kids I saw in school (about 60%) who took their parent’s help for granted and wasted their years…
but i guess if i raise them right, they shouldn’t turn out like that… but still *shrug* sometimes you can’t make them turn out the way you’d like them to
There is nothing wrong paying for a 4.0 student. DH left school at 3.8 GPA. I had a 3.5 GPA because of trouble my first year. But we both did well afterwards.
Now DH has a 3.9 GPA in MBA school, I have a 3.8 GPA. Are we worse for our parents having paid for most of undergrad?
I agree fab. If you can afford it and your kid studies super hard and gets a 4.0, wouldn’t you also be proud? If they made school their career?
Living: I think I like your idea of paying for performance better than mine…..!!!
Esp since the loans will be interest free for that period.
Hmm 🙂
No, hence why I respectfully disagree. I know how cheap it is in Canada, my DH went to the U of A, I am living with someone from Waterloo. KWIM?
But in the states it’s different. Cost of living is more.
And if my child is going to live at home, then they should put their money to paying me rent, utilties, etc. NOT tuition. They aren’t going to get a free ride.
And I doubt if they had to pay me rent, utilties, and tuition (even half), they could afford to live in Boston, SF, CA, NY, etc. Places where were are living.
So that means it’s impossible. So if charge my children $1k/month for living expenses (absolutely less than going rate), please explain to me how they will work while going to school and earning $12k living + $12k tuition/books = $24k net/year? Please, please tell me?
Now if we lived in Canada, maybe it would be more affordable. Actually I can guarantee it.
We have been to Toronto and Vancouver this past year and both places are cheaper to live than where we live. BUT we’re in a unique situation that we don’t live in a normal COLA in the States. Hence we are used to paying $400k for a 1 bd, high state and property taxes, etc. And we’re used to paying more for just everything than the average US person.
But that’s not an excuse, it’s reality. And DH told me that Canada doesn’t have FASFA. There is not the same stringency of money when you need money for college. At the University of Alberta, everyone got money from the province to go. Including people whose parents weren’t poor. DH got money.
NOT SO in the US. The US has cut a lot of grants, scholarships, etc. Sorry but it’s reality that college costs in the US is unaffordable.
So yes I will help out my kids. I put them into a position to not have financial aid. And I also put them into position to not get affordable college.
But again that’s if they want to go. Or if they want to be serious. There are many contingencies. Likely what we have discussed doing, is our kids will take out loans for 100%. Then based on grades they will have their college paid for. If they do well, then they get paid. If they choose to party and flunk out well, then they can pay for their own loans.
There is repercussions. And they will understand that before they ever go to college. Not to say we won’t encourage them to save, but they will also realize they will be rewarded for good work.
Kind of like a job, good performence = good bonus/reward.
Anon: Hence why only half on my end… My retirement is just as important as my future kids’ education.
Living: I don’t agree with your statement. Tuition here is still only $5k/year for a general degree, and quite frankly, if they wanted to go to a university, I’d expect them to stay in the hometown so they could live at home. But I’m not giving them a free ride at all and paying most of their tuition because to be honest, sometimes they just don’t appreciate it, no matter how hard you try to instill that in them.
I definitely think that they should be working during high school part time (as long as it doesn’t interfere with their grades), and working during the summers and saving their cash.
It is possible.
And parental finances play a huge role in Canada too – depending on your parents’ income you only get a certain amount unless you can prove that their income is barely keeping THEM afloat.
I wouldn’t be sending my child to “flunk out”, but I really don’t believe that I should be footing the ENTIRE bill for their education.
No. They definitely have to pay for a good chunk of it, if not half. I’d evaluate what the tuition is, and the living costs, etc and work out something reasonable, but they are not getting a free ride from me that’s for sure.
Although push comes to shove, I’d ideally have enough money to clear their debt if required, but that’s not the point. The point is to make them understand that they have to take responsibility for their lives too, and like you said – take the career thing seriously.
twentysomething: that’s a good point with having them focus on their studies, but a part time job at least has never been a bad thing in my opinion only because then they don’t fritter their time away with their friends, drinking, and not really studying or being productive.
Being busy forces you to learn how to prioritize, and if my kids managed to get solid scholarships to get into school on pure merit of being smart and hardworking, I’d gladly foot the tuition bill because they would’ve proven that they could do it.
But if they don’t get scholarships for whatever reason – they’re going to pay for part of it on their own. At least.
Laura: Exactly.. Canada is nowhere as expensive as the States and the education is pretty solid here (would think of sending kids up to Canada in the future).
I also agree with retirement savings for sure because I wouldn’t want them to have to pay for me.
I don’t agree with paying for their ENTIRE education but I do believe in them paying for a portion of it, because necessity breeds productivity. You do what you gotta do to make it work when the times are tough. That’s definitely a hard lesson but a good one to learn early on.
Keep in mind we’re talking about Canadian tuition costs here. They are high, but not even close to the prices for education in the US.
I’m from Canada too and my dad agreed to pay for (and followed through!) four years of university tuition plus all my expenses, minus any money I was able to bring in from a part time job if I got one (he did not require me to get one.) I took a bit longer than four years to get through the degree so I had to take out a loan for my last semester. I think this was a fair deal.
My plan is to put my retirement savings ahead of any education savings for my kids, because I think paying for my retirement is absolutely necessary whereas paying for my kids education is a luxury that I hope to be able to afford. But it has to come second on the priority list. If I can afford to do it, however, I think I will. I think it’s an incredible gift to your children to give them a post-secondary education and enable them to graduate debt-free.
Having said that, I also think it’s important for them to learn the value of a dollar and to treat that gift with respect, so it would just be a free ride for them to party 24/7. They would have to maintain their grades at a certain level and they will have to get some work experience during summers starting in high school so that they will understand about earning a living. But I don’t think they need to pay their entire education to learn that lesson. If I am a good teacher, I can teach them that lesson and still pay for their school.
The taxes we pay go back into the school system, if you look at the amounts international students pay (10,000 +) it would be on par with the U.S.
It really sucks that your parents said they hadt money for you and then didn’t!! I can’t imagine what you must have felt!
My parents paid for all of my college expenses, and my sister’s, although I went to England (where it’s about the same price as most state colleges in the US), and my sister got tons of financial aid from her school (grants, not loans). I think they just had the money saved up, don’t think they had any specific ‘college fund’ for us.
I would pay for my kids’ education, only because I’d rather that they focus on their studies and not on working to be able to survi thave. It was the same philosophy that my dad had, and it’s worked, I think. I don’t go around throwing money away (if you remember from my blog, I’m actually saving over 50% of my income every month to put towards my NY fund), and my sister is pretty responsible about money as well. I think it’s also a lot to do with how you raise your kids.
I respectfully disagree. Why? Because the price of tuition has skyrocketed in the last 20 years. It has more than tripled easily.
Hence the ability of young people to pay for living expenses while paying for tuition is impossible even for most state schools.
UCLA/UCSD is now $10k/year tuition on top of living in California. MA is $10k/year on top of living expenses. Absolute minimum living expenses is $18k in both places. So $28k after taxes. What job straight out of high schooli s going to pay at least $30k while you go to school?
Now realistically, what do I think is reasonable? I think it depends. I will fork over money if my kid is a national merit scholar, into harvard, 4.0 gpa, etc. Why?
Because in the US (unlike canada), parental finances play a HUGE ROLE in financial aid. My children will not qualify (like myself) for any Pell Grants, No need based scholarships (only merit), and basically not free money.
Think I’m wrong? We currently without kids make 2x the national income, so why and how will colleges give my kids aid when parents who make 1/2 what we do need it more? And honestly I shoudln’t be taking it away from truly needy and deserving people who are poorer.
Nope, gotta disagree. But that doesn’t mean my kids can piss off. Nope, we had our parents pay for college not 100%, but a lot. And we came out fine.
The main thing is explaining to your children college is not for fun. It is to find a career. And there is nothing wrong with not going and figuring it out, then going. We are more than happy for them to work or travel first and then go back. As long as when they go they are serious.
College is not for everyone. Nor should you send a child to flunk out.
I think it’s a good idea to foot at least half the bill if not the whole. Sure, it’s one hell of a learning experience to foot the whole or most of the educational bills but honestly, give the kid a break, too. Let him/her also live college like a real college kid rather than study/work. I know how it feels cuz I went through it myself. After the dad threatened not to pay for my education if I did go into med (which is what I really want, MED SCHOOL) he doesn’t pay for a single thing when I went to engineering. So go figure.
At least half. And think about your retirement, too. It’s kinda hard if kids have to carry their education and then your whole retirement. They will have their own families in the future, too.
Lady: I also got scholarships and grants, but I know I could’ve gotten more if I had worked harder. Or at least, that’s what I’m beating myself up over…
I really like the idea of matching, or at least trying to get them to think about the value of their education and debt. I want to start VERY young with my future kids, like 2 or 3, to teach them how to save a dollar (literally).
stackingpennies: But what about your situation? did your parents pay for it all?
emilyg: I want to do what your parents did for sure.. that’s something I really feel strongly about – keeping promises to your kids. I’m sort of like your friend in your story… but I don’t have a car etc.. at least, I wouldn’t have a car until I could afford it.
compactmanifold: I’m so happy it hits such a vein for you..
Actually Canada’s tuition is about the same – $5000-$7000/year depending on your degree,but I went to a biz school so I paid $20k a year + living expenses …Plus books another $5k and a mandatory laptop $2k.. things really ballooned at univ.
And we have the same thing too – workstudy programs which I took full advantage of.
Thanks for bringing up the point about the matching funds not really matching – I didn’t think about that too deeply, but I will when the time comes.
daphne: in theory that sounds great.. if the kid turns out to be well disciplined, hard working etc, but I saw SO MANY examples of parents paying tuition, room and board, and the kids frittering the time and money away.. If I were their parents, I’d be crying. So that’s why I really want to instill the idea of working for their dollar and learning the value of their education and how much it costs to their parents and them…
but I guess it’s all the values you instill in your kids that makes them work, regardless of whether or not they have the money for the education or not.
for those reasons, I’m almost 100% sure I’d never pay for the entire tuition. They have to work for some of it, at least. In the summer.
kathy: 🙁 kind of regrettable eh?… I’m happy to hear about the progress with your son though. And yes, housing is RIDICULOUS.
Val: that’s what I’m going to do too.. plus make sure I don’t compromise my own retirement which is really a benefit for THEM in the end.
FB: You and I were in the same boat. I grew up with parents who encouraged me to excel in school and told me I could go to any college I wanted. But then–surprise!–no money saved AT ALL when application time came. I felt like my heart was broken. Though I paid my way through school, too, and learned to value it, I still feel a little resentful over it. With that said, I’m definitely going to open a savings plan for my future children the day they’re born. With college being as expensive as it is, its really the only option.
Fab Broke,
I am dealing with this issue today as I write. It is an issue I understand on many levels. My parents paid and I did not appreciate it. So grants, loans and scholarships is my way with my son. It is not easy to tell a kid no, but saying yes doesn’t teach them either. His housing is remarkably expensive.
I go to an ivy league college and there would be no way for me to make it through college if my parents didn’t pay for my tuition. I am also an only child, but financial aid definitely does not cover much. Also, I do have a part time job for spending money. However, I believe if someone were to go to school and juggle a full time job on top of that, they would have a difficult time making good grades, and honestly, that’s what is most important in college. I think you should support your kids as much as possible, so they can focus on school, when they are in college.
I’m so glad you addressed this. I often get in arguments over on the Simple Living forums because so many people there say “Well, /I/ worked my way through college with part time jobs and my kids can too!” and I feel that they’re sadly disconnected from the current low pay of the jobs versus the high cost of even a cheap college. They also don’t realize that the better their own financial situation is, the harder their children will have it to find any assistance even in the form of on-campus jobs and scholarships.
I know you live in Canadialand, but I can say that my USA in-state school costs were tuition & fees of $7500/year and books were $1000/year, with as many used editions as possible. It’s pretty hard for a college student to find the job in the student union that their parents crow about to pay even academic expenses, much less living expenses. Hell, I work a decent full-time job and live cheaply now and I don’t have a spare $8500 a year.
I also found that while it wasn’t a requirement for a lot of scholarships, most did have a part of the decision-making process that used the FAFSA (financial aid statement) as a basis for determining need. This same form rewards families who have high debt and low savings, since debt repayment and mortgages are calculated into what an estimated family contribution is. To get an on-campus job at my university you had to be on work-study, which was part of a financial aid package. If you didn’t have it you were stuck going out to the ‘burbs to find one of the places where they actually did want people who would work the odd hours that college students could work.
I think it’s a super idea to do matching funds! Just make sure to factor in things like how much a hard worker can reasonably earn in a part time job, though. Given the rising costs of college and falling pay from basic jobs, it may not be half of the cost.
I don’t want to think about that; it seems like it’ll never happen to me and I’ll be an old lady, still paying for that designer handbag I had to have….!
Yikes…I would have been crushed by parents telling me I had a college fund, then not delivering. I definitely plan to pay for as much of college expenses as possible if I have kids. My parents started a college fund for my siblings and I when we were born, and it was a tax advantaged college account that grew with compounded interest. It covered my tuition, books, board, and bills for all of college, and ran out a few weeks after graduating. It was SUCH a blessing (granted, I went to my public state school — had I gone to a private school, it would have probably only lasted two years). My parents are well-off, but not rich — they just were diligent about contributing over time, and the compounding took care of the rest. One of my best friend’s parents hardly contributed a thing to her education and she’s now graduated with a job, but drowning in student loans. A few times in college, she was juggling two or three jobs and still attending school full-time, and she was just miserable. I worked part-time the last two years of college for fun and food money, but my friend worked endlessly just to make car and tuition payments. In this day in age with college growing so expensive, I think parents are doing a huge disservice to their children if they don’t set aside a decent amount of money for college. If they don’t, their children might be burdened for decades after graduation with loans that have substantial interest. That’s my two cents!
If I have the money, i’d pay for it all. If I don’t, i won’t. I should be able to manage to save for at least some of it, and I’ll make sure they know what to expect as far as support.
Of course, i expect them to be responsible about it, and if they are slacking or failing, they free ride is over.
I think that is a fantastic idea to pay half of the bills. I was pretty lucky and received grants & scholarships, but I did have to take out loans my last two semesters. But I agree with you that it will teach your kids the value of a dollar. I went to school with so many kids that didn’t have to pay for anything and the majority of them treated college like a 24/7 party.