Why don’t you return my calls! (For the guys)

FB: This is for the guys who can’t figure out why girls don’t return their calls..

You left the date with a spring in your step, thinking that the lovely creature you just had dinner with could in fact be The One.

You talked for hours, she laughed at your jokes and everything was great. There’s just one problem: For some reason she isn’t returning your calls and you have no idea why.

“It’s the little things women tend to notice most when they’re first getting to know someone,” explains Alexa Joy Sherman, co-author of The Happy Hook-Up: A Single Girl’s Guide to Casual Sex, “If a guy fails at those little things, he may be in for a rude awakening when his date abruptly loses interest.”

FB: I believe in this… but it has to be a pretty big NO-NO in my book for me to say no to a second date. And the first one about the snap judgment is not really strong enough for me to write someone off…but the rest are

1) She made a snap judgment about your shoes/ shirt/ pants etc

Most women have a ready prepared mental list of physical deal-breakers, and if you turn up for the date wearing Crocs, a Nickleback shirt or acid-washed jeans then you’ve had it before the date has even begun. Sherman once dumped a guy because he tucked his shirt into his jeans – it can be as cut and dried as that.

Quick fix: Committing petty fashion crimes will make sure that your date never gets to see the real you, the one hidden behind the bad dress sense. The best fix is to get an honest appraisal by a female friend or two, so long as your skin is thick enough to take it. Listening to what your friends suggest may just tip the odds back in your favor.

2) You used the date as therapy

Sherman once had a date that just kept going on and on about his ex, a very bad first date move (or any date for that matter). “He told me how much all his friends loved her and thought he and she made the most gorgeous couple, always calling them Barbie and Ken,” she says. This stupid move is terribly common and sets off a number of red flags for women.

Quick fix: The best way to talk about an ex is just to say something vague like ‘It just didn’t work out,’ as this statement lays no blame and has an air of finality. Telling your date that ‘The bitch left me for someone else’ makes women immediately think you’re a psycho, and you can pretty much guarantee no call back, however well the rest of the date went for you.

It isn’t just droning on about exes that scares women off. Moaning about anything is a definite turn-off. Your date wants to know what a fun guy you are, not how much you hate your job, your mother or anything else about your sad life so don’t sabotage your date by bringing both of you down.

3) You were too respectful of her boundaries and didn’t touch her

If a guy darts away from the date with a quick ‘see ya’ and not so much as a peck on her cheek, it leaves a funny feeling behind. “After I’d had a great date with this guy Dan, he never made any physical contact with me whatsoever,” says Shannon, from Surrey, B.C. “Which made me think that he didn’t find me hot or he was a cold fish. As a consequence I never felt any spark between us.”

Quick fix: This is tough of course, because guys want to seem respectful of a woman’s boundaries. There is quite a leap between respectful (a cute kiss on the cheek) to lecherous (grabbing her ass) and few women will object to a little bit of physical contact. If you’ve had a great date and the mood seems right, show your date that you think she’s hot and make a (small) move.

4) You were ill mannered

You might not think that manners matter much in the 21st century but they really do, especially on a first date. Crappy manners and etiquette mea culpas are arrows in the heart of many fledgling relationships. Winnipeg single Jen dumped a date because of his horrific table manners. “We went to dinner, and he finished up by using his finger to get everything off the plate. He’d run his finger across the plate, then lick his finger,” she says, “Then he did it to my plate.”

Quick fix: If you are trying to impress a girl it really is key to remember your manners. Be polite, conscientious and dazzle her with your fine command of the English language. Don’t use the date as an opportunity to show off how untrained you are in dealing with the rest of the world.

5) She sobered up

Unfortunately, women also suffer from beer goggles. So, even though she may have been swept up in the moment, last night’s fun can look very different in the harsh light of day. Your date may have woken up thinking ‘Holy crap, did I really spend all night laughing at that guy’s Yoda voice?’

Quick fix: Unfortunately, if you don’t get a call back after that first date there really isn’t much point in persevering. If you aren’t willing to change your ways, all you can do is keep on trucking and hope that whatever it is you are doing doesn’t keep you from ever moving past date number one.

FB: Some of these are pretty hars but.. a couple are v. true. Like the manners one and using a date as therapy..

About the Author

Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver. I cleared $60,000 in 18 months earning $65,000 gross/year. Now I am self-employed, and you can read more about my story here, or visit my other blog: The Everyday Minimalist.